vascular dimentia

Jackandme

New member
Apr 3, 2024
4
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I am caring for my spouse who is in the middle stages of vascular dimentia. Some days are better than others. I was wondering if anyone is caring for someone with the same diagnosis and how they are coping? Thanks.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,105
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Southampton
I am caring for my spouse who is in the middle stages of vascular dimentia. Some days are better than others. I was wondering if anyone is caring for someone with the same diagnosis and how they are coping? Thanks.
my husband also has vascular dementia diagnosed 4 years ago. we have good and bad but good is more. what stage he is, i dont know. he goes to mens shed 2 mornings a week which gives me a break. he can wash and dress with help although he sometimes forgets. he used to love cooking but he really struggles especially with timing and temperature. he struggles with sequencing and logic. he doesnt link things such as an empty bread packet needs to be put in the bed, he doesnt link the both. i do his meds. he does doze quite a lot and can panic andf get into a right state sometimes if he didnt manage what he wanted.
 

sapphire turner

Registered User
Jan 14, 2022
541
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Hiya my husband has Alzheimer’s, around 4-5 years in fairly slowly progressing. So not the same as you but yes it’s lonely. We have good days and bad days. It’s really hard when things go downhill again. Feeling your pain and sending love ❤️
 

jay6

Registered User
Jun 25, 2023
1,075
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I think mines now middle stage. Some days better than others like most on here.
He can dress although needs a bit of help with jumper and socks. Won't wash, thinks wet wipe is ok. Real struggle to get him to shower. Told him this morning he needs to have a good wash as smells but his reply was. He doesn't.
Sits in front of TV nodding off most days. Totally uninterested in doing anything apart from getting up to pee or get a biscuit/crisps/sandwich, leaving me to clean up after him.
Seems totally oblivious to me sitting in same room at times.
BUT totally different in front of others. Does the 'host mode'
 

Fotoliza

Registered User
May 28, 2023
63
0
I am caring for my spouse who is in the middle stages of vascular dimentia. Some days are better than others. I was wondering if anyone is caring for someone with the same diagnosis and how they are coping? Thanks.
Hubby was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia in January, although we knew something was wrong for about three years.
Recently he has taken to finding something to snack or nibble on whenever he walks past a tin of biscuits, even a slice of bread or packet of chocolate, or a meringue bought as an ingredient for my menu another day. He is behaving like a naughty /hungry child stealing from the kitchen when people are not watching. He has started to prepare two items for supper, ie instead of soup or an egg it is both. He forgets to drink his coffee or might even forget his meds in the morning. He burned the broccoli yesterday and did a carrot in the microwave which he then put in the hot oven with the menu I was cooking so the carrots were also burned. I can no longer trust him in the kitchen.
I bought a small glass kettle as he used to overfill the stainless steel one to the point of dangerous. I have to remind him not to overfill the glass one as well, although it is less dangerous than the other one.
Nobody has said what stage he is at, but he has become slow, lacks motivation. He might say, "yes" if I ask him to do something, but the action doesn't follow.
There are times when I hate myself for the way I am feeling. It is tough, isn't it?
 

jay6

Registered User
Jun 25, 2023
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I found this yesterday, not sure how much it would help as I don't think they necessarily follow a 'stage' that fits all. Anyway it was 7 stages of vascular Dementia

1. At this point, the person functions without any noticeable signs or symptoms.

2. Very mild decline, slower thought processing and difficulty planning.

3. Begins to experience difficulties in concentration, becomes anxious and more forgetful, family becomes aware of something unusual.

4. Travelling to new places becomes more daunting, can begin to withdraw from friends and family, finds difficulties with managing finances.

5. Needs help with everyday routines such as personal care and meal preparation, can become disorientated with time and place.

6. May become incontinent and needs support with eating and using the toilet, can sometimes only remember details of their earlier life.

7. Very little ability with speech and communication, often loses psychomotor skills such as walking, requires regular and more intensive support.

OH can't manage finances (yes for 4) but doesn't seem to mind new places (no to 4)
Can wash and dress but impossible to get him to shower (poss. 5) but doesn't get disorientated with place and time (not 5)
I've experienced the incontinence on occasions but it's not happened for about 3/4 months now. (poss 6) Doesn't need support eating or using loo (not 6) Can still remember recent events (not 6)
Almost no conversation/communication unless he wants something (yes for 7) Walking getting worse (yes for 7) But can still make drink, eat etc. and be left on own for a few hours without support (so no to 7)

So from the 7 listed, I still can't really see a 'stage'
 

Jackandme

New member
Apr 3, 2024
4
0
I think mines now middle stage. Some days better than others like most on here.
He can dress although needs a bit of help with jumper and socks. Won't wash, thinks wet wipe is ok. Real struggle to get him to shower. Told him this morning he needs to have a good wash as smells but his reply was. He doesn't.
Sits in front of TV nodding off most days. Totally uninterested in doing anything apart from getting up to pee or get a biscuit/crisps/sandwich, leaving me to clean up after him.
Seems totally oblivious to me sitting in same room at times.
BUT totally different in front of others. Does the 'host mode'
Sounds a lot like my husband. He acts helpless when we are alone but yet when we are in front of others, he acts as though he’s fine. I find it very frustrating. He never fixes himself anything to eat. He totally depends on me for meals medicine absolutely anything you can think of. I’ve been married to him for 53 years and a lot of it is my fault because I’ve always catered to him and never minded one moment of it. But now that it has been become necessary, I find myself annoyed don’t know if that’s normal or not. he is still a very good natured, but spends most of his time in front of the TV where I know it is increasingly harder for him to follow a movie or a story. When we do watch a movie together, I stop the show every 15 minutes to make sure he is following the story. He sometimes ask me to stop it and explain to him what is going on and it breaks my heart . he always pried himself being well groomed, and now he doesn’t seem to care how his hair looks or if his clothes match. It may seem strange to point that out, but you’d have to know the man to know how out of character that is. So these are just some thoughts that are going through my head right now, and wanted to share them in case anyone else is feeling or experiencing the same. The sun will come out tomorrow and things will be brighter. I love him so.
 

Fotoliza

Registered User
May 28, 2023
63
0
Sounds a lot like my husband. He acts helpless when we are alone but yet when we are in front of others, he acts as though he’s fine. I find it very frustrating. He never fixes himself anything to eat. He totally depends on me for meals medicine absolutely anything you can think of. I’ve been married to him for 53 years and a lot of it is my fault because I’ve always catered to him and never minded one moment of it. But now that it has been become necessary, I find myself annoyed don’t know if that’s normal or not. he is still a very good natured, but spends most of his time in front of the TV where I know it is increasingly harder for him to follow a movie or a story. When we do watch a movie together, I stop the show every 15 minutes to make sure he is following the story. He sometimes ask me to stop it and explain to him what is going on and it breaks my heart . he always pried himself being well groomed, and now he doesn’t seem to care how his hair looks or if his clothes match. It may seem strange to point that out, but you’d have to know the man to know how out of character that is. So these are just some thoughts that are going through my head right now, and wanted to share them in case anyone else is feeling or experiencing the same. The sun will come out tomorrow and things will be brighter. I love him so.
Hello @Jackandme I have been married over 50yrs too. I understand what you are going through as my husband is similar, although he reads a lot now and can still follow TV. OK. Kitchen "slackness" and hygiene issues are a real concern. His sleeping late ruins the day.
Instead of turning off the light in the garage he switches off the socket in the kitchen which it shares with the microwave! I check with him to see if he has done it outside. He says he has, but not so. He leaves taps on too. I am concerned for safety.
The other day he couldn't find his PJs so emptied the wrong drawer, piled everything on his chair and went to bed in his joggers.
How to keep sane?!
 

Uboo

New member
Apr 25, 2024
1
0
I am caring for my spouse who is in the middle stages of vascular dimentia. Some days are better than others. I was wondering if anyone is caring for someone with the same diagnosis and how they are coping? Thanks.
My husband has middle stage . It’s very difficult. Insurance does not cover long term care. Seems it takes a lot out of us who are married to those with the disease. I have been able to hire a couple of ladies to sit with him if needed. I know they will help as things get worse. Of course the issues are always financial. How can I afford to pay for help and it’s impossible to pay for care facility. No insurance company will take on this. It is stressful. I feel for you. I don’t know how to cope with what’s coming. As you know we get little sleep and stress through the roof.
I hope you can find a way to cope with this disease.
 

SeaSwallow

Volunteer Moderator
Oct 28, 2019
6,258
0
My husband has middle stage . It’s very difficult. Insurance does not cover long term care. Seems it takes a lot out of us who are married to those with the disease. I have been able to hire a couple of ladies to sit with him if needed. I know they will help as things get worse. Of course the issues are always financial. How can I afford to pay for help and it’s impossible to pay for care facility. No insurance company will take on this. It is stressful. I feel for you. I don’t know how to cope with what’s coming. As you know we get little sleep and stress through the roof.
I hope you can find a way to cope with this disease.
Hello @Uboo and welcome to the forum. Because of your reference to a care facility I am assuming that you are US based and the way finances work there are very different from here in the UK. I have attached a link to the Alzheimer's Association in the US and it might be an idea to contact them to see if they can give your any advice regarding finances.
 

jay6

Registered User
Jun 25, 2023
1,075
0
Hi @Jackandme
Sounds a lot like my husband. He acts helpless when we are alone but yet when we are in front of others, he acts as though he’s fine. I find it very frustrating. He never fixes himself anything to eat. He totally depends on me for meals medicine absolutely anything you can think of. I’ve been married to him for 53 years and a lot of it is my fault because I’ve always catered to him and never minded one moment of it. But now that it has been become necessary, I find myself annoyed don’t know if that’s normal or not. he is still a very good natured, but spends most of his time in front of the TV where I know it is increasingly harder for him to follow a movie or a story. When we do watch a movie together, I stop the show every 15 minutes to make sure he is following the story. He sometimes ask me to stop it and explain to him what is going on and it breaks my heart . he always pried himself being well groomed, and now he doesn’t seem to care how his hair looks or if his clothes match. It may seem strange to point that out, but you’d have to know the man to know how out of character that is. So these are just some thoughts that are going through my head right now, and wanted to share them in case anyone else is feeling or experiencing the same. The sun will come out tomorrow and things will be brighter. I love him so.
Sounds like you made a rod for your own back there. I think we do things in relationships without thinking, because its love. But when it becomes 'expected' its harder so think its quite normal to feel annoyed. Mine's like yours, watches TV most of day but don't think he is really following it. He falls asleep and snores so I cough or make a noise, then he is fully awake saying he just closed his eyes for a minute :rolleyes:
The hygiene seems to be a 'norm' with dementia. Mine like yours was always smart, hair was always a thing with him but now its all gone out the window. A wet wipe seems sufficient, same ol clothes and hair greasy. Mind you when it comes to going to the memory group, its clean cloths and asks me to wash his hair, so dementia is a funny thing.
So glad you still love him, makes life easier
 

jay6

Registered User
Jun 25, 2023
1,075
0
Hello @Jackandme I have been married over 50yrs too. I understand what you are going through as my husband is similar, although he reads a lot now and can still follow TV. OK. Kitchen "slackness" and hygiene issues are a real concern. His sleeping late ruins the day.
Instead of turning off the light in the garage he switches off the socket in the kitchen which it shares with the microwave! I check with him to see if he has done it outside. He says he has, but not so. He leaves taps on too. I am concerned for safety.
The other day he couldn't find his PJs so emptied the wrong drawer, piled everything on his chair and went to bed in his joggers.
How to keep sane?!
Hygiene issues, yes a real problem! Had to laugh about the lights. Mine always used to have a thing about leaving lights on but now often forgets to turn them off.
'How to keep sane?' Think we'd all like to know the answer to that one.
 

Fotoliza

Registered User
May 28, 2023
63
0
Hygiene issues, yes a real problem! Had to laugh about the lights. Mine always used to have a thing about leaving lights on but now often forgets to turn them off.
'How to keep sane?' Think we'd all like to know the answer to that one.
It is all a big learning curve for us.