Help / advice about my mum please

[Potters]

Hi,
I have found this website to try to get some advice or help regarding my mum who is 72.
For about 10 years now my sisters and I have noticed a worsening in memory, starting out with forgetting things we may have said, or telling us the same things or misplacing items. She was always VERY sharp, wouldn’t forget a thing, so it was easy to see. We tried to talk to her but she is the world’s most stubborn women and likes to bury her head and gets angry (not dementia, always her way!).
Over the past handful of years it has got worse to the point that when I call her every evening and ask what her & my step dad did that day, or if he was at work, I get ‘nothing much’ or ‘uh huh’ etc as it’s clear she can’t remember. If I ask was it raining she may shout to my stepdad ‘was it raining today’ or if I ask where they went she’ll say ‘where did we go today dear’…she has to rely on him, and also will sometimes say ‘yes yes’ to questions such as did he go to work today as she doesn’t remember & doesn’t want me to know that so she tries to mask it. She is aware she can never remember anything. She will often lie or make things up to cover it. She can pay a bill & forget she even went to town and paid it the day before. She can have a conversation and an hour later it’s gone completely. Short term memory is gone completely. Sometimes she seems a different person, she will answer me a way that doesn’t seem like her anymore. I used to ask her anything but now her advice seems unlike her…and also her capacity to fully understand and take in all info seems worse. She has been on Omeprazole for 20+ years now…and I’m sure this has caused damage. She will not come off it or speak to anyone.
I am so scared how this may progress…will it? It has got slowly worse for 10 years.
However, she never has any trouble with names, or forgets family, she can do her jigsaws fine, has no issues with every day life. She is very much with it in that way. She can cook & drive fine….but just don’t ask her what or if she ate half hour ago.
She would get lost in new places alone. I would worry for her if she lived alone.
Is this dementia or just memory loss from long term effects of medication? She will not go to the doctor.
I read all the symptoms but it just seems like the only symptom is short term memory loss. If she watches the soaps she’ll have to ask what’s happening with people the next day. But she’s perfectly capable of assessing weather, writing a list of what food they need, driving to shops herself, buying what they need & getting home fine. Anyone offer me advice I’d be so grateful! Thank you x

 

[Kevinl]

Someone will be along, just saying hello and keep posting. At 72 you can't expect perfection, hell I'll be 70 next year and even I'll admit I'm slowing down a bit mentally, physically fine but I'm not daft enough to realise I'm not as sharp as I was.
K

 

[canary]

Hello @Potters and welcome to the forum

Im afraid that we cant answer your question about whether this is dementia, or memory loss from medication - it can only be answered by a doctor.

However, if it has been slowly getting worse for 10 years then it is likely that it will continue getting worse, whatever the cause.
One thing that struck me, however, is that you talk about how she responds on the phone, but dont say anything about what she is like when you visit. So Im wondering how you know that everything else is OK. Have you seen her cook recently? Or put washing on in the washing machine and get it going? Have you been out with her when she is driving and gone with her when she goes shopping (and are the things she writes on her list appropriate and not things that she already has six of in the cupboard)?

She may not be as capable as you think. People with dementia can mask their symptoms (its know on here as Hostess mode) for short periods of time so that if you only visit for fairly short periods, or speak on the phone, you may not realise that anything is wrong. You are however, already noticing changes, even on the phone. Also, people with dementia are often convinced that they are doing things that that they arnt anymore. And your dad may be covering up a lot of problems.

Only seeing the doctor will answer all your questions

 

[Potters]

Someone will be along, just saying hello and keep posting. At 72 you can't expect perfection, hell I'll be 70 next year and even I'll admit I'm slowing down a bit mentally, physically fine but I'm not daft enough to realise I'm not as sharp as I was.
K

Hello @Potters and welcome to the forum

Im afraid that we cant answer your question about whether this is dementia, or memory loss from medication - it can only be answered by a doctor.

However, if it has been slowly getting worse for 10 years then it is likely that it will continue getting worse, whatever the cause.
One thing that struck me, however, is that you talk about how she responds on the phone, but dont say anything about what she is like when you visit. So Im wondering how you know that everything else is OK. Have you seen her cook recently? Or put washing on in the washing machine and get it going? Have you been out with her when she is driving and gone with her when she goes shopping (and are the things she writes on her list appropriate and not things that she already has six of in the cupboard)?

She may not be as capable as you think. People with dementia can mask their symptoms (its know on here as Hostess mode) for short periods of time so that if you only visit for fairly short periods, or speak on the phone, you may not realise that anything is wrong. You are however, already noticing changes, even on the phone. Also, people with dementia are often convinced that they are doing things that that they arnt anymore. And your dad may be covering up a lot of problems.

Only seeing the doctor will answer all your questions

Thank you for your reply, much appreciated.
My two sisters live near and I’m a couple of hours away but for that reason I go home every six weeks or so and stay with them for a long weekend 24/7.
I also stay with them for a week in October and usually at least 2 weeks at Christmas.
As I’m with her all day on these frequent visits I spot a lot more than my sisters do who only pop to see her for say half hour or an hour. So I notice the same questions 8 times a day, and the odd things she does.
She can manage tasks but has to always write things down. For instance at Christmas I went out with her and she told me she needed a nice Xmas card for a family friend. She chose one. When I got back and my stepdad was home I told him she got the card she needed & he said she’d already got one the other day. The very next day she told me she needed to get a card for the friend again. She would have done if I hadn’t stopped her. Same as we stood choosing cards for her granddaughters for a while on a day out….that afternoon she mentioned she needed to get some…I said we got them and show her and you can see she can’t remember at all choosing them or buying them. She just says oh yea that’s right I remember to mask it…before saying again the next day she needs to get some. It’s everything short term memory…my sister would call whilst I’m home and I can hear them discussing my niece and when she gets off the phone only 5 mins later I ask what they were discussing and it’s clear she makes up ‘oh nothing oh nothing just that she’s fine’ as she’s already forgotten. She looks at her phone all the time to check who she has and hasn’t spoken to that day out of the 3 of us.
She will only drive now within our town or to the next one, no further. She can manage tasks but I do believe she will start having issues such as paying things more than once. But she’s all there with handling change or personal issues or hygiene or judging weather etc. She doesn’t stumble for words. I think I’m just hoping she can manage on like this for another ten years or more as I can’t live without her, I am so scared something will suddenly get rapidly worse after all this time and she’ll disappear.
I already feel like it’s not like talking to the same mum…not completely different, just not 100% her anymore. It’s like it’s 80% who she was, I can’t explain it. I find myself holding back telling her things as she won’t fully understand or telling her my problems etc as she will only forget 10 mins later and I’ll have to explain again.
I know 110% she will not go to the doctor as she does not want to know…she sometimes says things about when she’s gone as I know she thinks she has dementia but accepts it as doesn’t want confirmation so she isn’t scared. She wants to live in ignorance. It just makes me so sad.

 

[canary]

It just makes me so sad.

Yes, it is indeed very sad

It’s like it’s 80% who she was, I can’t explain it. I find myself holding back telling her things as she won’t fully understand or telling her my problems etc as she will only forget 10 mins later and I’ll have to explain again.

I understand
xxx

 

[maggieanne]

Hi,
I have found this website to try to get some advice or help regarding my mum who is 72.
For about 10 years now my sisters and I have noticed a worsening in memory, starting out with forgetting things we may have said, or telling us the same things or misplacing items. She was always VERY sharp, wouldn’t forget a thing, so it was easy to see. We tried to talk to her but she is the world’s most stubborn women and likes to bury her head and gets angry (not dementia, always her way!).
Over the past handful of years it has got worse to the point that when I call her every evening and ask what her & my step dad did that day, or if he was at work, I get ‘nothing much’ or ‘uh huh’ etc as it’s clear she can’t remember. If I ask was it raining she may shout to my stepdad ‘was it raining today’ or if I ask where they went she’ll say ‘where did we go today dear’…she has to rely on him, and also will sometimes say ‘yes yes’ to questions such as did he go to work today as she doesn’t remember & doesn’t want me to know that so she tries to mask it. She is aware she can never remember anything. She will often lie or make things up to cover it. She can pay a bill & forget she even went to town and paid it the day before. She can have a conversation and an hour later it’s gone completely. Short term memory is gone completely. Sometimes she seems a different person, she will answer me a way that doesn’t seem like her anymore. I used to ask her anything but now her advice seems unlike her…and also her capacity to fully understand and take in all info seems worse. She has been on Omeprazole for 20+ years now…and I’m sure this has caused damage. She will not come off it or speak to anyone.
I am so scared how this may progress…will it? It has got slowly worse for 10 years.
However, she never has any trouble with names, or forgets family, she can do her jigsaws fine, has no issues with every day life. She is very much with it in that way. She can cook & drive fine….but just don’t ask her what or if she ate half hour ago.
She would get lost in new places alone. I would worry for her if she lived alone.
Is this dementia or just memory loss from long term effects of medication? She will not go to the doctor.
I read all the symptoms but it just seems like the only symptom is short term memory loss. If she watches the soaps she’ll have to ask what’s happening with people the next day. But she’s perfectly capable of assessing weather, writing a list of what food they need, driving to shops herself, buying what they need & getting home fine. Anyone offer me advice I’d be so grateful! Thank you x

My husband was like this at the start. He was diagnosed first with MCI.
Still driving,still doing jobs around the house. His only problem was short term memory like your mum.
We functioned well for a few years like that.
It crept up on us slowly. He did really well in all the tests at the memory clinic. The only thing he failed on was the short term stuff. Like remembering a name and address that he was given.
It slowly got worse. Struggled to do jobs. The driving had to stop as he couldn’t remember the way to places. Driving very slowly that it was dangerous.
He then had a pet scan which showed up as Alzheimer’s. The decline then became quite rapid.
Your mum could maybe function like she is for quite awhile.
As for the omeprazole. I was on it for one month. I came off it as I started having migraines. Apparently it strips the body of magnesium. Once I stopped and started taking a magnesium supplement they stopped.
Who knows what effect different medications have on the body. Does she really need to still be taking it? 20 years seems a long time.
Of course whatever you decide you must speak to her doctor before doing anything. Always worth finding out about though.

 

[Potters]

Thank you for your reply….this is what I’m scared of. That I’m furiously hoping she can muddle on like this for years and not get too much worse seeing as she won’t go to the doctors. But as it’s got to this point I just fear that all of a sudden she’s going to get worse at a faster rate and the tasks become harder and she becomes more confused and starts to slip away. I noticed the last time I was home for a few weeks she seemed far more ill tempered.
A new Dr did suggest reducing her omeprazole when she spoke to them about another issue but she wouldn’t have it. She’s so scared of the consequences if she does as she suffers badly with acid attacks that make her feel like she’s having a heart attack…she’s the most stubborn human.
She gets so annoyed if me or my sisters try to talk to her about her memory…but maybe I will have to try again. I don’t want to push though as if she ever had a scan and diagnosis she will worry day in day out and blame me.
Thank you for the information regarding your husband…I’m sorry to hear you both went through this. It is very helpful for me to know that someone else experienced these exact symptoms and to be aware a change can be rapid. I will keep a close eye and see how she goes. Thank you x