advice please

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
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Southampton
Do you have a way of recording these outbursts, maybe not visually on your mobile phone but audibly using voice memos surreptitiously?
not thought of that. my husband really isnt tech savvy so even if i touched the video button he wouldnt know what i was doing. it flares up in an instance so would have to be quick and read the signs immediately. i could ask my son to make sure on the pretext of recording the snoring. worth thinking about, thank you @Banjomansmate
 

Helly68

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Mar 12, 2018
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@jennifer 1967 - you may find video recordings useful if you can get them. When my Dad had a fit, the neurologist recommended that if we could film the fit (sounds strange, and obviously we would also get medical help) them it helps them to see what is happening. In this instance it is evidence to support the issues you are having. If your husband isn't tech savvy you could always say you hit the wrong button accidentally. People could never believe that my lovely Mum was basically beating up the care staff at her EMI unit. They were always were professional about it, but I felt very sad - for them and my Mum. It was the disease and not her, but that didn't really make it any easier to bear when she was attacking them.
 

jennifer1967

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Mar 15, 2020
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Southampton
thanks for that. i have worked it out. it was in him before dementia and he did it then and hit out with the kids seeing it when they were younger. im wondering whether they think its just dad being dad. that its normal for him to be like that.
 

Susan11

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Nov 18, 2018
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Hi Jennifer The kids should never consider that hitting out is normal behaviour. They should know better! So sorry that you have to put up with violence. It's never acceptable. Take care .
Susan
 

Kapow

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Nov 17, 2019
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thank you @DazeyDoris hes always been a bit controlling. im housebound so a bit trapped. he willingly went to the gp and memory clinic and knows hes got it. her thinks his brain is shrinking
Just a thought...you can ring the memory clinic and speak in confidence to his consultant about this.My husband got very aggressive,not physically but verbally and was very short tempered with me.I rang his consultant who made an urgent appointment for my husband,and naturally I go to.Then the consultant will tactfully(and without implying any involvement by you,that "maybe we should try a tweak of your medication..".The consultant will be able to prescribe some medication to suppress your husbands moods to some extent.Ring him first though and explain you need help.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
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Southampton
Just a thought...you can ring the memory clinic and speak in confidence to his consultant about this.My husband got very aggressive,not physically but verbally and was very short tempered with me.I rang his consultant who made an urgent appointment for my husband,and naturally I go to.Then the consultant will tactfully(and without implying any involvement by you,that "maybe we should try a tweak of your medication..".The consultant will be able to prescribe some medication to suppress your husbands moods to some extent.Ring him first though and explain you need help.
he never had a consultant. the gp referred him to the memory clinic, the memory nurse did the test and chatted to both of us. he had a MRI the year before and found hed had a TIA. the nurse had a meeting with the consultant, phoned me and told me its vascular dementia. there are no tablets for it. discharged never having consultant and left but did refer to alz soc dementia navigator who has supported me. i phoned his gp and they have given him an extra anti-depressant to calm him down but is usual with vascular to have the aggression and frustration which they can only treat symptoms. its due to the blood vessels in the brain narrowing and brain is damaged due to the shortage of oxygen supply. because he not good at controlling his temper before and has been violent in the past, the dementia tends to exaggerate it. he was more relaxed yesterday and slowly the attitude, frustration and demanding is slowly coming back today.
 

Kapow

Registered User
Nov 17, 2019
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he never had a consultant. the gp referred him to the memory clinic, the memory nurse did the test and chatted to both of us. he had a MRI the year before and found hed had a TIA. the nurse had a meeting with the consultant, phoned me and told me its vascular dementia. there are no tablets for it. discharged never having consultant and left but did refer to alz soc dementia navigator who has supported me. i phoned his gp and they have given him an extra anti-depressant to calm him down but is usual with vascular to have the aggression and frustration which they can only treat symptoms. its due to the blood vessels in the brain narrowing and brain is damaged due to the shortage of oxygen supply. because he not good at controlling his temper before and has been violent in the past, the dementia tends to exaggerate it. he was more relaxed yesterday and slowly the attitude, frustration and demanding is slowly coming back today.
Really? My husband was sent for MRI by his GP,then referred to a consultant at the memory clinic,who went through the result of the scan with us.,which was vascular dementia with alzheimers.The consultant saw us frequently prior to covid and often rings to ask how things are going.If I was you,I'd ask to see someone else other than a nurse and the memory clinic should be able to arrange this for you.My husbands GP has never prescribed any medication for this diagnosis,it's always the consultant.
 

jennifer1967

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Mar 15, 2020
24,668
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Southampton
Really? My husband was sent for MRI by his GP,then referred to a consultant at the memory clinic,who went through the result of the scan with us.,which was vascular dementia with alzheimers.The consultant saw us frequently prior to covid and often rings to ask how things are going.If I was you,I'd ask to see someone else other than a nurse and the memory clinic should be able to arrange this for you.My husbands GP has never prescribed any medication for this diagnosis,it's always the consultant.
my husband went to AnE where they found clot in the heart. he wobbled when he walked so hospital gave him an appt for MRI scan. it was the advance practitioner nurse at the GP surgery that told of his mini stroke. i asked the gp if he had dementia as id worked with dementia residents. referred to memory clinic and told us 3 days later what the result was. discharged back to gp. your husband has alzheimers as well and thats why he has medication and gets reviewed. there is nothing for vascular but treat the symptoms and generally, means its a shorter life span to alzheimers
 

lollyc

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Sep 9, 2020
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Really? My husband was sent for MRI by his GP,then referred to a consultant at the memory clinic,who went through the result of the scan with us.,which was vascular dementia with alzheimers.The consultant saw us frequently prior to covid and often rings to ask how things are going.If I was you,I'd ask to see someone else other than a nurse and the memory clinic should be able to arrange this for you.My husbands GP has never prescribed any medication for this diagnosis,it's always the consultant.
This shows just how much of a lottery dementia support is.
My Mum was seen at memory clinic, prescribed Donepezil (she has an "unspecified dementia") and discharged back to GP. No more contact in 4 years. Her GP prescribes any medications, and discontinued Donepezil . We were recently referred to MH service as I felt she needed her medications tweaked, and they we utterly useless. A different GP at our surgery was happy to adjust doses.
We have had no other support at all.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
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Southampton
other than the lady from alz. soc. we have nothing. donepezil would do nothing for vascular dementia as the blood vessels are narrowing in the brain. there is nothing that can slow or stop that so no medication other than anti-depressants which they are increasing by 10mg theres nothing else that can be done. so even if we were referred, theres nothing they could do so a waste of time. the gp has to manage it
 
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jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
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Southampton
well that lasted all of a day with his extra tablet. demands, bad temper and doing nothing that he can do. hes taking it for granted that i will runaround like an idiot. yesterday everything i did was for his benefit, kept my head down and battled on. today, ive done some of his stuff. tonight hes flared up not as bad but he says he cant control it and is frustrated because of his breathlessness. as soon as something doesnt go his way, hes off.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
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Southampton
it mightnt have been so bad but he managed to make me cry again. did everything he needed straight away today as he cant wait for me to finish what im doing. adults services will be in touch the person who did the safeguard has said.
 

Woo2

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Apr 30, 2019
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South East
I’m sorry @jennifer1967 , hope you have a peaceful afternoon and also that they won’t take too long to get in contact . Maybe worth another call to Gp if no improvement soon . Have a big virtual hug ?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
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Southampton
I’m sorry @jennifer1967 , hope you have a peaceful afternoon and also that they won’t take too long to get in contact . Maybe worth another call to Gp if no improvement soon . Have a big virtual hug ?
thank you @Woo2 he just keeps going. he demands and wont wait. i jumped up quick to do what he wanted. i was ordering the weeks shopping and he was arguing with me and didnt listen to the answer. ive got to wait 2 weeks as its amitriptyline added to his present dose. she said then they might have to think again but that aggression and frustration is typical of vascular. he said hes taking his frustration out on me because of his breathlessness. any excuse really including me not had the vaccines. i was told to phone police if i fear him but not sure i could do it to him.
 

Woo2

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Apr 30, 2019
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South East
It might seem a nuclear option phoning the police but they really are very kind and it helps with a paper trail to maybe get some more help , well 2 weeks is a long time to wait ? hope it helps soon ?
 

blackmortimer

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Jan 2, 2021
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It might seem a nuclear option phoning the police but they really are very kind and it helps with a paper trail to maybe get some more help , well 2 weeks is a long time to wait ? hope it helps soon ?
A less nuclear option might be calling the paramedics. I did that when Margaret was become on the violent side and I feared for both of our safety. They came quickly, were very helpful and took her to A & E. From there things improved considerably on the medical side. Just a thought.

God bless
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
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Southampton
im so fed up. the extra tablet is not doing anything. hes done nothing but argued because he hasnt listened to the answer. he knows and says hes always on edge all the time. hes says he will phone the doctor again but when he does he doesnt give them all the information and complains when im a bit clearer whats wrong. maybe its my fault for not being understanding enough but its tiring.im tired of trying to keep him calm at the expense of me because im doing everything so i dont spark him off again. hes made me cry yet again. im try not to say anything because he will erupt for the smallest thing. i wish the kids could see him now.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
24,668
0
Southampton
A less nuclear option might be calling the paramedics. I did that when Margaret was become on the violent side and I feared for both of our safety. They came quickly, were very helpful and took her to A & E. From there things improved considerably on the medical side. Just a thought.

God bless
i dont think there is anything they could do if they took him to hospital where there is no treatment for vascular and in that case they wouldnt take him. as he is still shielding to end of march even with the first jab, they wont put him at risk unless really neccesary.