young carer - new to ALL of this

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by miss_sunshine55, May 4, 2008.

  1. miss_sunshine55

    miss_sunshine55 Registered User

    May 4, 2008
    3
    Hi im Sharon and im 26. I live with my mum and i am her carer. Mum has Alzhiemer's. I know there is support out there for carers but im wanting to know if there are any younger carers out there?

    As there is only me and mum i sometimes find it difficult to balance looking after her and socialising with friends and boyfriend, developing my career etc.

    I love my mum dearly but cant help but feel frustrated at times that i cant do things spontaneously anymore.

    sharon
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,561
    Kent
    Hello Sharon. :)

    You are so young to have the responsibility of full time caring and your mother is too young to have Alzheimers. I`m so sorry for both of you.

    There are a few young carers who are members. I hope they offer you support.

    Do you have any help from Social Services? Does your mother have anyone coming in to sit with her and help her? It would certainly help you to keep in touch with your friends, and have a bit of personal time with your boyfriend.

    Pleas keep posting.

    Love xx
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Sharon

    Welcome to TP.

    There are some younger members, hopefully they'll read your post and reply.

    It must be so difficult for you to put your life on hold at your age. I hope you're getting plenty of support from social services, Alzheimer's Society, etc.

    Just post if you need any information, or if you just need someone to talk to. There's usually someone here.

    Best wishes,
     
  4. citybythesea

    citybythesea Registered User

    Mar 23, 2008
    632
    coast of texas
    Sharon,

    I feel for you! While I'm not as young as you and I already have my career going...thankfully I have been able to go 100%internet with my business. I also have my kids done too..I am only 40 and feel very young.

    I would suggest that perhaps you take a look at the whole picture now. How far along is mum? Can she stay by herself during the day? Does she sleep thru the night? Are you active in your church? Does she have friends that still visit? If so do they understand what is going on?

    The reason I ask is that if your mum is still capable of staying by herself for moments during the day take advantage of it. If she sleeps thru the night might I suggest late nite dates...you could have a friend just come to stay at the house if she were to wake. I ask about the church because that in itself is a little community and sometimes we have our friends from there who understand and are willing to help....you just have to ask.

    I do recommend talking to a couselor and finding a support group for yourself as that not only will help ease the burden you may also find a young gentleman there (if you don't already have one). I spoke with pastors at my church who were always helpful and comforting, they were also willing to find help as your mother is one of their flock and everyone needs help of some sort eventually.

    I apologize if this doesn't help, you are truly in a unique position. I would also like to add that if you are not an only child your sibling should be willing to at least sit with mum for awhile so you can have a little of a life. If this isn't an option with a sibling whether you have one or not please get some help....it's not something that coan be done alone.

    I would also like to suggest maybe seeing if your career can't go online.....

    Lots of hugs and best of wishes!!!!!!
     
  5. miss_sunshine55

    miss_sunshine55 Registered User

    May 4, 2008
    3
    Firstly, thank you all for your support and kind words!:)

    Im so glad i have found this discussion board, it is nice to talk to people who are going through similar experiences to me. although, i must admit that some of the posts on here scar me a little but im takin each day as it comes!

    My mum is 68 and has 'mild' AD. She has her good days and her bad day - dont we all! I am lucky as i can get out and about at the moment. Not as much as i'd like to! lol! If i am going out at night i let my mum's friend know (who lives on our street) and she keeps an eye out for mum but she is 73 and has MS so is often tired and off colour herself. My mum has become very clingy to me and often gets very upset / frustraed when i go out and leave her but i have to draw the line somewhere and leave her as i need my own time, however guilty i feel!

    I think the main reason is due to the fact that she is stuck in in the day time. if she got out and had a routine she might be more relaxed if i go out?!?! I have a buddy from age concern but we are still waiting for mum's. she has been allocated a day at a local day center but it isnt suiting mum at the moment as she has lost alll her confidence. In a perfect world she'd have a buddy to go along with her and inroduce her to the idea slowly.

    Has anyone else found it hard getting allocated a buddy? Our local age concern is very very under staffed!

    My next step is to talk to direct payments as i would ideally like to stay at work and get the day care from the professionals so to speak!

    ANy ideas, thoughts and advice come well received!
    Many thanks!
    Sharon
     
  6. laura92

    laura92 Registered User

    Aug 28, 2007
    47
    Bucks
    hi, i'm laura, im 15.
    my dad had alzhemiers, i wasn't his full time carer, but i come under the young catagory, if i can be any help, don't hesitate to ask.
    thers alot of very wonderful people on here, so hopefully your find the support your looking for.
    laura
    x
     
  7. miss_sunshine55

    miss_sunshine55 Registered User

    May 4, 2008
    3
    irrational behaviour

    Hi everyone

    I dont know what to do! My mum thinks my boyfriend of 4 years doesn't like her. She asked him today why he doedn't like her! the funny thing is that he had come round to take her out with us for a meal! :confused:

    She has done this before but recently she has been praising hime and saying how nice he is!

    I dont know where to start....
    Has anyone got any ideas???
     
  8. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #8 Margarita, May 26, 2008
    Last edited: May 26, 2008
    I know that the Some of the Alzheimer's society day center have buddy . Have you rang your local AZ society group near you to find out if they run that service .

    Also social service can get a buddy for you mother , have you had a carers assessment for you as in that assessment they can organize the buddy for your mother.

    This tell you more about it all http://www.carersuk.org/Information/Helpwithcaring/Carersassessmentguide and this one http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/DisabledPeople/HealthAndSupport/ArrangingHealthAndSocialCare/DG_4000436

    Do you feel your mother would except help from Social services ?

    Your mother may just be getting confused so may became a little Paranoid. as long as she not becoming to distressed about it & you can reassure her that he does like her , it be OK .

    Its just one of the many symptoms of AZ
     
  9. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    Hi Sharon, I'm not a young carer, but I have daughters of your age. Please keep asking us for help, we will do what we can.

    My mum loves her grand-daughters to bits, young people are a welcome boon.

    But let us know what your problems are. We will all do our best for you.

    Regards

    Margaret
     
  10. Suzanna

    Suzanna Registered User

    Dec 5, 2007
    55
    Manchester/London
    Hi Sharon

    hey there,

    i'm 23, and though not a full time carer, as i have only just finished uni and my dad/social services carer look after mum, i do give my dad respite (such as this weekend).

    My mum is quite late-stages, stage 6-ish, i think, and so cannot be alone. I want to help out more, but am too not sure of how i will balance my personal life/career with looking after mum. I am about to start my first job as a speech therapist which will be full-on i'm sure, and as for boyfriends i can't see myself being able to start a relationship with mum the way she is, i just think there would be too many akward conversations to be had - you're lucky to already have a supportive man on stand-by!

    anyway, i'm not sure if i will be able to help at all - but maybe it will help a little just knowing that there are other younger carers out there, and i will try and answer any specific questions you have.

    take care,

    Suzanna
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.