You’ve got to laugh...

[carolynp]

If you make it to Sydney - or I to WA - I shall try to meet up !!
I must go to sleep now - so one picture is worth a thousand words : here it is with love X

OMG! Incredible photo! Thank you so much! Yes one of these days it would be great to meet up. C. xxx

 

[imsoblue]

Hi Mudge! What you and @Grahamstown say is so wise and so helpful. I must STOP being anxious about Hong Kong, especially as my son and his partner will be there to help - and start looking forward to it, instead! And Sydney we’ve already done, so November with the jacarandas out should be lovely also. Again, son and partner will be there too.

I’m so sorry not to have thanked you yet for your reply to my question about your local birds! They sound wonderful. I think galahs would have to be my absolute favourites also. We don’t get the huge flocks of birds here that I imagine you do. I suppose the land doesn’t support them to that extent. The local galahs go up to about sixteen per outlying colony - there’s a bigger, looser confederation down by the river, but the breakaways don’t go much above sixteen before hiving off again.

One we get, that I doubt you do, is the ring necked parrot, yellow band round its neck, plumage mainly emerald green with a bit of black. Unfortunately their nesting holes in trees are being taken over by the wicked, naughty-if-gorgeous rainbow lorikeets. These lorikeets were introduced, no one knows if they made their way around the top of Australia from the north east and got here that way, or if (the other theory) they escaped from an aviary on Rottnest Island, about ten miles off shore. Either way, they are here, and the yellow ring necks are no match for their wiles.

And I’m thinking of you in your new robe on these cold mornings! Icy where you are, I imagine.

Spare a thought for me with the painters coming at 6.45 on Wednesday morning, to finish the work begun a year ago!

Lots of love, Carolyn.

Jacarandas......as in a tree? Blue flowers? I would love to see that! They are not grown here but I have seen them in Texas!

 

[Grahamstown]

Well dear friends, pride comes before a fall they say. The first thing he does when we get back from our holiday is to go to the pub, saying he was going for a walk around the field, and having beer at 4 o’clock in the afternoon. I can’t go on, I just can’t go on struggling like this with our old lives gone forever and me keeping the show on the road alone. It seems that he totally fails to understand why this is a bad thing to do, why I regard this as a duplicitous and underhand and at the same time he is incapable of doing or remembering anything else, asking me over and over again where things are, where we are, what day, time it is and so on and so forth, I don’t have to tell you. I am so upset and devastated by this because this is a new departure and is going to fundamentally alter how I approach caring for him now at home. I was able to control his intake on holiday but now we are home he has that ability to go out for walks on his own. I have recovered a bit now but even felt I couldn’t look at TP so it took a lot to get over this. This is a low point after a wonderful holiday most of the time, and what is worse is that I have been angry and unkind to him. I no longer recognise my kind thoughtful husband but I have read that here over and over again in other people’s experiences. I can’t bear to see him at the moment and like some others it seems that separate lives helps sometimes. Is it worth it, going on holiday and coming back to this? On balance I have to say yes because nothing would be different at home and at least I have some wonderful memories. Now I don’t even have a lovely steward to keep an eye on him and retrieve him from getting lost. I have evil thoughts but perhaps I can recover now.

 

[canary]

I cant stop my OHs behaviour and I have evil thoughts too......
(((((hugs))))))

I hate this

 

[Grahamstown]

I cant stop my OHs behaviour and I have evil thoughts too......
(((((hugs))))))

I hate this

Thanks @canary I hate it too. My daughter called and she said that he can’t help it and really doesn’t mean it. She’s right but I still hate it.

 

[carolynp]

Well dear friends, pride comes before a fall they say. The first thing he does when we get back from our holiday is to go to the pub, saying he was going for a walk around the field, and having beer at 4 o’clock in the afternoon. I can’t go on, I just can’t go on struggling like this with our old lives gone forever and me keeping the show on the road alone. It seems that he totally fails to understand why this is a bad thing to do, why I regard this as a duplicitous and underhand and at the same time he is incapable of doing or remembering anything else, asking me over and over again where things are, where we are, what day, time it is and so on and so forth, I don’t have to tell you. I am so upset and devastated by this because this is a new departure and is going to fundamentally alter how I approach caring for him now at home. I was able to control his intake on holiday but now we are home he has that ability to go out for walks on his own. I have recovered a bit now but even felt I couldn’t look at TP so it took a lot to get over this. This is a low point after a wonderful holiday most of the time, and what is worse is that I have been angry and unkind to him. I no longer recognise my kind thoughtful husband but I have read that here over and over again in other people’s experiences. I can’t bear to see him at the moment and like some others it seems that separate lives helps sometimes. Is it worth it, going on holiday and coming back to this? On balance I have to say yes because nothing would be different at home and at least I have some wonderful memories. Now I don’t even have a lovely steward to keep an eye on him and retrieve him from getting lost. I have evil thoughts but perhaps I can recover now.

@Grahamstown I am so very, very sorry. You have been overturned by what has happened, and goes on happening: the sheer boredom, repetition, and endlessness of it, all wearing you down.

Coming back from a holiday is never easy. And for all your efforts in organising and conducting it, you are being rewarded with more of the same, only worse.

You sound exhausted and have every right to be terribly, terribly upset.

Normally after a big trip one would try to re enter normal life a little slowly, surrounded by bills and dirty laundry. Is there any chance you can add a half hour of doing nothing, to your day, for a week or so, or more, to help you at this awful, heartbreaking time?

 

[imsoblue]

@Grahamstown I feel your pain. Please know you are not alone in this. Wish we could all give each other a group hug!

 

[Mudgee Joy]

Hi @Grahamstown - thinking if you !! So sorry back to normal life was so unkind to you. I can’t complain but am very tired today - not husband’s fault, except he is and so I am !
I bought a smart , very smart watch for him - GPS tracking and sos calls - but it’s seems a bit beyond him and me - I’m looking at kids smart watches now - I can get a child to help me with it - maybe I’ll send the other back .
I plan to Have a better day tomorrow - hope you do too !! MJx

 

[carolynp]

Hi @Grahamstown - thinking if you !! So sorry back to normal life was so unkind to you. I can’t complain but am very tired today - not husband’s fault, except he is and so I am !
I bought a smart , very smart watch for him - GPS tracking and sos calls - but it’s seems a bit beyond him and me - I’m looking at kids smart watches now - I can get a child to help me with it - maybe I’ll send the other back .
I plan to Have a better day tomorrow - hope you do too !! MJx

Hi Mudge reminds me of toddlers being the only ones who could work the TV remote, back in the day!

 

[Grahamstown]

Dear friends I have done all the things this morning that you have to do getting back from holiday which I should have done yesterday but was too mentally exhausted to do. He had put all his dirty clothes away with his clean ones so a lot of sorting out. You will all understand the toll it takes on you constantly having to keep your PWD on track for some kind of normal life such as washing changing clothes and generally functioning. I am physically and mentally exhausted largely due to the resumption of normal service of pub visiting for a quick fix at teatime yesterday. Today we have looked at photos and the daily news sheets you get on a cruise which I kept and had highlighted our daily program of events and he loved looking at it all and he remembered certain things. He did still ask how we got from place to place as he couldn’t get his head around being on a ship, and kept referring to the hotel. He has gone off happily to his lunch and I can continue clearing up, at least in peace. Thank you all so much for your kind words xx

 

[Grahamstown]

@Mudgee Joy He has now got my old iPhone with Find my Phone activated which is how I knew where he was when he didn’t come back yesterday. He doesn’t understand how to use it but it is a useful feature. I can also fill in the My Health app which can be viewed by the emergency services without the passcode.

 

[john1939]

Hello. A new development today. While my back was turned this morning My wife spat her pills into the kitchen sink.
I amazingly kept my cool and picked them out and then stood over her while she swallowed them.
Sometimes I am surprised at my level of self control!

 

[Mudgee Joy]

@Grahamstown - Love your new little name attar -(is that the right word) - is it a mouse ? And well done on the return to normality . Keep at it with Hugs
@john1939 great control - congratulations !! And a hug for you too !

 

[Grahamstown]

@Grahamstown - Love your new little name attar - is it a mouse ?
@john1939 great control - congratulations !!

It’s a red squirrel and I felt that this bright busy little animal was cheery and is Beatrix Potter’s Squirrel Nutkin. Saw it on holiday and I have never seen one before because we only see grey squirrels now because they have pushed out the red to a few places. Grey are not a native species to the UK and are regarded as pests.

 

[john1939]

@Grahamstown - Love your new little name attar -(is that the right word) - is it a mouse ? And well done on the return to normality . Keep at it with Hugs
@john1939 great control - congratulations !! And a hug for you too !

Thanks, Yesterday not so good. Day centre day. I awakened wife as usual and told her that breakfast awaited in the kitchen and today was day centre day.
I cannot put down here her exact words, but you can imagine them. While still in bed 15 minutes later the pill girl arrived. I asked her if she could help in getting my wife out of bed.
She went into my wife's bedroom and retreated as a coat hanger was thrown at her.
Finally, I got my wife out of bed and dressed just in time to get on the bus. Seems everyday is a fight to keep any sort of normal existence.
That evening my younger daughter came around and subjected me to a verbal lashing for something entirely outside my control. Aint life wonderful?
A magic lamp would be most welcome, you know the one when you rub it a genie appears and gives you three wishes? I could use the wishes usefully, but one wish would be that my younger daughter was to look after my wife for 6 calendar months. Snigger!.

 

[Mudgee Joy]

Oh @john1939 - that’s a tough day -I should never complain again. I hope things improve a lot.
Today and yesterday, I found time to sit with my husband in the back yard, in the sun and have a cup of tea - nice simple pleasure and some quiet time - my husband seems to know just where he was and it was a snippet of old times. I wish you some peaceful times john - plus hugs MJoy

 

[Amethyst59]

Just dropping in to catch up with you all x x

 

[Mudgee Joy]

Nice to hear from you @Amethyst59 - it's hard to catch up with everyone's happenings but it's nice to know you are here when we need you

 

[Grahamstown]

Our friends are being so supportive, asking us to do things with them but I am thankful that I have the experience of TP behind me when I have to deal with well meaning advice about how to stimulate my OH. I think the reason is that nobody can really get to grips with the way the PWD behaves. They think there must be a solution or further treatment available, that something can be done, and it is hard to accept that we have gone as far as we can with diagnosis and treatment, and anything else is to support the deterioration of the disease. Things have settled down and no more alcohol issues have occurred since the day we got home. I have got used to picking up all the pieces of life again although our friends are having to accept the serious change in our way of life and it is quite shocking when compared to a year ago. I can now see symptoms were there for a long time because I can remember tentatively saying that he should talk to the doctor about his memory, probably about 2 years ago. The information and support on TP is the best thing I have had and the experience of everyone on the forums helps more than I can express.

 

[canary]

Things have settled down and no more alcohol issues have occurred since the day we got home. I

Thank goodness for that.

Do watch out though, because I find that once an obsession goes, it gets replaced with something else. Fingers crossed that its a more benign obsession this time.