She’s been in hospital for 2 weeks after falling down the stairs. This was the first time she’s had to go to hospital because of her/as a result of her Alzheimer’s and on day 2 in there the doctors asked what we were doing to get her home?
Apparently, it’s not the done thing that after the very first hospitalisation the family don’t take their loved one home..............
We/I have cared for my mum non stop for the last 7 years, since I took her to the doctors because I saw something wrong, everyone else in the family told me she was fine. The last 3 years I’ve worked from home, only 2 mins from my mum and dad and able to jump at every call for help which resulted in me seeing them at least once a day ?
3 years ago my 2 brothers both realised how bad mum was, 1 stepped up to join me in caring, 1 stepped back and denied it was real. Together we have worked tirelessly to keep her safe, going from aids around the house to remind her to do things at the start, to dressing, washing, changing pads, feeding, persuading, conning her, tricking her, talking nonsense with her because it makes her smile and feel safe, replying to her questions about how my parents are when she doesn’t know who I am, listening to her tell strangers from social services that her friends are looking after her because her family are busy. Fitting child locks to every cupboard and draw after finding her trying to eat cleaning tablets thinking they are sweets, having to keep the doors locked all the time because there’s only so many times a day you can call your brother out of work because mums gone missing again, putting cctv up at the doors after chasing around the estate for hours after she’d wander off, adding one to the living room so we could see how bad her sleep cycle was that night and watching her go from making drinks and food for herself and putting the tv on, to coming down undressed, not knowing to turn the light on so she’d sit in the dark, in silence because the tv is no longer important. Being up all night and only having the can of drink left out for her by my dad, to not really knowing how to open it. Then watching back to see her wondering around the house, opening doors trying to find something familiar that she could get her bearing with, to waking constantly through the night to check the cameras to ensure she’s safe and ok.
Pushing my own mental health problems aside and just popping more pills to try and function like a normal person so that I can look after my mum because she is the most important person in my life - my husband understands my priority.
.............so when the doctors and physio suggested that it's not the normal thing to send someone to a nursing home after the first visit to the hospital (because they may believe we just can’t be bothered to look after her) and us telling them that we can no longer keep her safe at home and she needs professional care. To her spending 2 weeks in hospital to be assessed and suddenly they are telling us they have a place in a specialist dementia care home 30 mins from where we live, because they’ve twigged that she is the most important person in our lives and we’ve come to the end of our ability to care for her, telling us that it’s very unusual to see a person so advanced still being cared for at home.
so yesterday I packed my mums clothes into shopping bags, took nic nacs from her bedroom, photos from the walls of her home for the last 43 years and delivered them to the nursing home to be taken off me at the door. Because of the world we now live in I have no idea what her new bedroom looks like, we’ve not set foot in the home to see what it’s like, how the staff interact with the users, I was unable to set up her room like home in the hope she would feel recognition in her belongings. But worse is the fact that I’m unable to see her, one member only of the family can visit her, once a week, for 15 minutes in the garden and we’ve agreed that my dad should be that person.
I feel so utterly heartbroken it’s like she has died. I cried all the way home, cried myself to sleep on the sofa, cried myself to sleep once I took myself upstairs, woke up and started crying this morning. This pain is unbearable and we’ve caused it, if we’d just planned a bit more we could have looked after her a bit longer at home I’m sure! But what am I meant to do with myself now? My whole routine is looking after my beautiful mum and now she’s not there ??
Apparently, it’s not the done thing that after the very first hospitalisation the family don’t take their loved one home..............
We/I have cared for my mum non stop for the last 7 years, since I took her to the doctors because I saw something wrong, everyone else in the family told me she was fine. The last 3 years I’ve worked from home, only 2 mins from my mum and dad and able to jump at every call for help which resulted in me seeing them at least once a day ?
3 years ago my 2 brothers both realised how bad mum was, 1 stepped up to join me in caring, 1 stepped back and denied it was real. Together we have worked tirelessly to keep her safe, going from aids around the house to remind her to do things at the start, to dressing, washing, changing pads, feeding, persuading, conning her, tricking her, talking nonsense with her because it makes her smile and feel safe, replying to her questions about how my parents are when she doesn’t know who I am, listening to her tell strangers from social services that her friends are looking after her because her family are busy. Fitting child locks to every cupboard and draw after finding her trying to eat cleaning tablets thinking they are sweets, having to keep the doors locked all the time because there’s only so many times a day you can call your brother out of work because mums gone missing again, putting cctv up at the doors after chasing around the estate for hours after she’d wander off, adding one to the living room so we could see how bad her sleep cycle was that night and watching her go from making drinks and food for herself and putting the tv on, to coming down undressed, not knowing to turn the light on so she’d sit in the dark, in silence because the tv is no longer important. Being up all night and only having the can of drink left out for her by my dad, to not really knowing how to open it. Then watching back to see her wondering around the house, opening doors trying to find something familiar that she could get her bearing with, to waking constantly through the night to check the cameras to ensure she’s safe and ok.
Pushing my own mental health problems aside and just popping more pills to try and function like a normal person so that I can look after my mum because she is the most important person in my life - my husband understands my priority.
.............so when the doctors and physio suggested that it's not the normal thing to send someone to a nursing home after the first visit to the hospital (because they may believe we just can’t be bothered to look after her) and us telling them that we can no longer keep her safe at home and she needs professional care. To her spending 2 weeks in hospital to be assessed and suddenly they are telling us they have a place in a specialist dementia care home 30 mins from where we live, because they’ve twigged that she is the most important person in our lives and we’ve come to the end of our ability to care for her, telling us that it’s very unusual to see a person so advanced still being cared for at home.
so yesterday I packed my mums clothes into shopping bags, took nic nacs from her bedroom, photos from the walls of her home for the last 43 years and delivered them to the nursing home to be taken off me at the door. Because of the world we now live in I have no idea what her new bedroom looks like, we’ve not set foot in the home to see what it’s like, how the staff interact with the users, I was unable to set up her room like home in the hope she would feel recognition in her belongings. But worse is the fact that I’m unable to see her, one member only of the family can visit her, once a week, for 15 minutes in the garden and we’ve agreed that my dad should be that person.
I feel so utterly heartbroken it’s like she has died. I cried all the way home, cried myself to sleep on the sofa, cried myself to sleep once I took myself upstairs, woke up and started crying this morning. This pain is unbearable and we’ve caused it, if we’d just planned a bit more we could have looked after her a bit longer at home I’m sure! But what am I meant to do with myself now? My whole routine is looking after my beautiful mum and now she’s not there ??