I have just discovered this thread and it must be so difficult for everyone to write their piece, whatever your view, but I am so grateful they did, so I am able to read it.
My dad, having witnessed his mum with dementia following a stroke said ‘stick me in a home or shoot me - don’t ruin your lives trying to look after me.’ Years before presented with Alzheimer’s.
The thing with dementia is that everyone is different, just like with cancer or ms, MND or arthritis or any other condition. There are similarities, of course, but we are all individuals in the first place and none of us act the same without any illness, so why would we just because we have the same label.
My dad's journey has been a long one, probably over 16 years, and there has been a rapid decline in the past 2 years since medication for his erratic behaviour started on entering a psychiatric hospital and then a care home.
I feel guilty that I have had such thoughts seeing my dad in hospital following a recent seizure then hip fracture and a pulmonary embolism. I’ve got tears writing this as I say that I wished something would happen and take him quickly when he was so poorly and suffering a couple of weeks ago, but both at 73 my mum was not on the same page at all. We both fought for him to be made comfortable and thought his hip wouldn’t get operated on due to his poorly condition - but thank goodness they did, purely for comfort. As soon as his hip was operated on he seemed more comfortable and just a smile and an ‘l love you darling’ to my mum and I meant the world to us, amongst all the blank looks and incoherent whispers, and made all our fighting as his advocate worthwhile.
My dad was always fit and well but struggled to hide his symptoms and didn’t want anyone to know he had Alzheimer’s- he became very angry, frustrated and scared, but this sometimes came out as aggression and became increasingly difficult for my mum to manage.
In order to help mum out and maintain her sanity I used to spend hours taking my dad for drives, to the gym, shopping in Costco and Decathlon for hours and I feel truly blessed that I got to spend this wonderful time with dad, but also guilty that I sometimes had the best times with him and mum had the everyday stuff, along with the everyday household stuff such as bills and maintenance and housework, cooking etc.
Dad’s awareness was the most difficult thing, and the fact that he appeared so well and denied there was anything wrong with him.
He is no longer aware, but constantly has my mum by his side and now I need to support my mum even more, as well as him. Each visit I get a smile or a happy reaction and will not leave him until I do, and it can change my whole day from a bad one to a good one with one reaction from him.
Dad would have done anything for me or anyone else when he was able, so he deserves only the best back.
I’m sorry for rambling, but I also understand how hard it must be for
@Richard and Fin and
@Countryboy to read so much and am so pleased you shared your experiences. Just as everyone is different I think your awareness is key to helping you gain the most of life, and finding out all you can to help you achieve that. Admittedly though, it does seem a bit of a lottery as to what’s available and where you live. But general awareness is a good thing and once my mum was honest and open about dad’s dementia she came across a lot of kindness and sympathy.
Sorry to go on. My thoughts and sympathies are with everyone on here xxx