Would he care if it were a carer instead if me

[Chizz]

Hi @Shem56 - you have a life too! Take whatever time you can to concentrate on you or what you like doing. As the advert says "cos you're worth it!"

 

[JaxG]

Afternoon good people. Today Im just feeling "do I matter". My o/h has dementia in the late/middle stages. I do everything for him although he can manage to go to his local everyday for a beer!
When he is at home he sleeps more than he is awake and I look and think "Do I Matter" if it were someone else sat there would he be bothered! I havent felt like this before. I am living with my own health issues and I just think .......
Is that selfish of me🤔

Not selfish at all. How effective is the propaganda and social pressures that we are made to feel so guilty for wanting any sort of quality of life, or for daring to express our feelings for hating this. I know the PWD did not ask to be ill, but we did not ask to have to live like this either. I have coped with verbal aggression and abuse, physical violence, and I am angry at what we are left to cope with alone. So don't apologise for daring to express your feelings - of course you're struggling.

 

[Ellie2018]

I am in the same position except she doesn’t go to the local for a beer (kind of wish she did……). She is excellent at pointing out that the dogs bowl needs filling up but can’t turn the tap on. She is excellent at spotting a bit of fluff on the carpet but can’t use the vacuum. Doesn’t eat properly now except finger foods and drinks liquid meal replacement. I have to dress and undress her everyday but she can still walk a mile and a half with the dogs. She can fall asleep on a pin and now needs meds to help her to sleep at night as I need my sleep as well. I am waiting for results of a PET Scan but she doesn’t remember. Probably like you, we live in a little bubble but sometimes I feel like I just want to scream….

I can’t imagine what you are having to deal with, I feel like screaming and we aren’t at this point. Sending you best wishes.

 

[Ellie2018]

Not selfish at all. How effective is the propaganda and social pressures that we are made to feel so guilty for wanting any sort of quality of life, or for daring to express our feelings for hating this. I know the PWD did not ask to be ill, but we did not ask to have to live like this either. I have coped with verbal aggression and abuse, physical violence, and I am angry at what we are left to cope with alone. So don't apologise for daring to express your feelings - of course you're struggling.

I agree, I get fed up of the adverts etc that are so positive about caring for PWD, that’s not how I feel any day.

 

[Shem56]

Hi @Shem56 - you have a life too! Take whatever time you can to concentrate on you or what you like doing. As the advert says "cos you're worth it!"

 

[Shem56]

Yes I do and I am feeling far more focused today. I am going to start doing for me more.

 

[Shem56]

I agree, I get fed up of the adverts etc that are so positive about caring for PWD, that’s not how I feel any day.

 

[Shem56]

No-one will ever know until they experience what we go through. None of us thought it would be like this.

 

[Shem56]

Know how you feel @pcjjk
My OH needs me now more than ever and we probably haven't got to the darkest times yet. I've been at this for 7 years now, OH is bedbound and can't weight bear even if she knew how to walk. I feed her all her food and drink - which isn't much these days. She can hardly talk, just a few words, then noises.
My life is her life and I often feel I'm entombed alive. If I go out, I suddenly realise there's a whole world out there passing me by.

Yes thats how it feels to me. When I go out I see people and think there is life going on. We get closeted in our own little bubble. Friends are essential .