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worries about my father-in-law


Registered User
Jan 28, 2015
Hi all,
my fil is in his mid 80s & over the past 18 months has changed so much. He repeats things about 3/4 times in 10 minutes,even when we tell him he's already told us before, he wanders from room to room not remembering what he was going to do. He has taken to bleaching everything in the kitchen, telling us how he's been talking to old friends who we know have died several years ago. Also getting very irritable & shouting at his wife, who i might add is not a well person herself. We have asked him to go doctors which he did & he ageed to go for a memory test, but when the appointment came he rang & cancelled it saying there was nothing wrong with his memory. The doctor says there is nothing she can do until he admits there is something wrong, but I'm so worried about the stress that this is putting my mother -in-law under & I'm very concerned about both of them . Any advice would be most welcome, thank you


Registered User
Sep 22, 2014
NW England
Hi dilly,

I had a similar problem with my mum in that she too rang and cancelled her first appointment at the memory clinic without telling me.

I had asked for the appointment to be sent to me, but it wasn't.

Fortunately in my case the clinic rang and told me what she had done and asked if they could come to her home to assess her. We arranged a date and I didn't tell mum in advance....just arrived at her house an hour before and told her they were coming and it was too late to cancel. Once the CPN arrived she was fine.

I told her the GP had arranged it and that probably he had to do that for everyone over 80 on his books.

I don't know if your FIL's memory clinic would do a home visit, but it might be worth ringing them to try.

Could you use the tactic of telling him it is routine or that although you are not expecting there to be a problem it would be reassuring for the family to have it confirmed?
Also is he aware that there is medication which can sometimes help slow down his memory loss and the sooner it is started the better?

I do know how difficult it is. I think many of us realise there is a problem many years before we manage to get it diagnosed.

Good luck

brambles x


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Mum too cancelled her appointments, or forgot to go.
Im afraid we got round this by phoning up the memory clinic and asking for another appointment, then when it arrived (they wouldnt send it to us either) removing it from her home. We didnt tell her about the appointment, but on the day took her out "to lunch" and we ended up at the hospital ("oh, I must have forgotten to tell you about it"). We did have lunch afterwards, though :D