Good afternoon everyone. My mother is due to be discharged from the rehabilitation ward of our local hospital after a stay of nearly four months following her recovery from sepsis (a miracle in itself). However, as well as having Alzheimer's, the sepsis has compromised her mobility even further, and she is now doubly incontinent. My father fondly thinks that he will be able to cope with this, alongside three carer visits per day (as she had prior to being so ill). She can no longer just use a walking stick, she needs to use a frame or be in her wheelchair. She has not really eaten for over eight weeks, declining most meals, and only consenting to eat a few more mouthfuls when my father is present at mealtimes. I've never seen her so thin, frankly, but she just doesn't seem to feel hunger at all, and isn't remotely bothered by all her favourite treats - chocolates, biscuits, cakes - that have been given to her by friends and family during her hospital stay. Her fluid intake has reduced drastically, and both of these things have obviously caused the hospital, and all of us, huge concern. However, her planned discharge date is next Wednesday, 14th December. My father flatly refuses to agree to any of the revised care plans that have been drawn up - two carers, four times a day, additional grab rails and suchlike. He insists that she's "far more mobile" than she was, she's eating better (anything more than nothing could be counted as "better"!!) and that he can cope with the double incontinence. He says that any more than three carer visits will be "far too intrusive". I will state now that he is 86 next Friday. My mother is 78. In desperation yesterday, because he was still insisting that no one, but no one, was going to be fitting a grab rail for her to be able to actually get into their bungalow, I telephoned the occupational therapist who has been trying his hardest to persuade my parents that the revised measures are vital. My sister and I have one other major concern about the bungalow - the bathroom is totally inaccessible for our mother. Father has applied for a grant to have it upgraded and adapted, but thus far, no works have actually been carried out. However, he insists that, until her illness, the carers used to give my mother a full body wash, and that this is "fine". This is what the OT told me on the phone yesterday. Father also managed to imply to the OT that, days before her illness, my mother was volunteering for a local charity, and generally doing loads of things that she was incapable of even then! The "volunteering" is at a local industrial museum, and she was only able to sit at the Reception desk and welcome people, nothing more. My father was the one messing around with oily old engines and taking school parties around. My sister and I think that he has been trying to convince everyone (she and myself included) that Mother is right back to what she was prior to her illness, and we think that this is because he thinks that the professionals want to put her in a home. I totally "get" that he wouldn't want this - they've been married 55 years, after all - but we know that he will not cope with her as she is now. The only solution to this impasse seems to be to allow him to try and get on with it, and just wait for the day it all goes horribly wrong in some way. We are just so worried, but he's being SO stubborn, more than I've ever known him to be, and my sister and I don't seem to be able to even make him reconsider, or think again. I don't expect anyone to come up with a solution to this, it is just really good to be able to type it all out to a group who will absolutely understand me! Any suggestions, though, will be very gratefully received, and I apologise for the long post. Thank you - Catherine xxx