• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Worried about my father, am I over analysing things?

DJK2

New member
Mar 21, 2020
7
Hi,

I have never posted on a forum before but I just stumbled across this on google and hope you guys can help me. I’m sorry if I write a lot however I don’t really want to tell any one close to me and I have a lot on my chest.

I’m 22 and I live out at uni, I come home every few weeks and I have now been back for a week. Since I have been back I have seen worrying signs with my dad. He’s 58 now and I’m unsure if this matters but my nan (his mum) died of dementia when she was just 62. Just today we came out of Asda and he walked a completely different way to were he parked his car and I immediately pointed out the spot he was parked, who knows how long he would of been looking for if not. Also last night he forgot to lock the patio doors which he usually always does. He also seems to keep repeating himself for example I couldn’t tell you how many times he’s said today how he knows a certain somebody in work is going to milk this coronavirus to get 2 weeks off, this was even after my mum said earlier in the day she doesn’t not want to hear about it no more. I’ve also read that dementia can cause sleep disruption and my mum also told me he was sleep talking the other night. And finally my mum also told me he told her someone in work asked him if he was okay because he walked in a different building to were he isn’t stationed on the factory plant he has worked for over 30 years. Also today we was dropping of subscriptions to houses locally to help out due the chemist being low on staff because of the current situation and the amount of times my mum had to repeat herself for directions was frustrating.

He even said to me in conversation today he has been struggling with his memory lately but he acknowledged it was because he was quite unwell the other week and has been under a lot of stress lately. My mum also acknowledged this when telling me about the night he was sleep talking. In this conversation with my dad I said you need to go the doctors. But he quickly said he does not need to and he wouldn’t because of the current situation with the coronavirus which is going to go on for months.

I am very worried but he could be right he has been unwell and he has been stressed at work and about this current pandemic we are all faced with. There is no way he will get a diagnosis soon and I do not feel the need to urge him just for clarity because at the end of the day there is not much that can be done to help this if he did have dementia.

Is there anything I can do to test him a little more such as asking certain questions to see if he does have any illness. Am I over analysing everything I don’t know. Any advice?

Thanks For reading guys appreciate it.
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,316
Merseyside
Welcome to DTP @DJK2
Personally, I’d get your dad to the GP for a general check up. Stress can cause memory issues & so can things like anaemia.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here
 

worriedson77

Registered User
Jan 29, 2020
51
Hi @DJK2 it sounds to me like you are a loving and caring son which is great for you and your family in these unprecedented times. I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert on the conditions that get discussed here but there is a useful helpline that it could be worth calling for some reassurance and guidance. My only personal observation would be that the behaviour that you detail is also typical of many other common issues like stress for example but that diagnosis and testing of what is happening with your dad is definitely better off being conducted by professionals for everyone concerned. I would say that my own stress and anxiety around worries about my mum for example definitely caused her the same sort of anxiousness because of how I was acting, testing and pushing her to go to the dr so if it were stress related issues then you could be in danger of exacerbating them and I found that backing off helped more. If you have concerns it wouldnt harm you to keep a private diary or log of your observations though to maybe share with his gp down the line but the dr and diagnosis thing takes a while anyway if it were memory related. I would say that the support, talking and you being there sounds like some good therapy for him anyway, its actually quite massive that he has admitted being stressed as I know that for us chaps even that step can be hugely challenging to take so it may well be that if you talk more he opens up a little more about how he feels and what his worries are. It seems to me that you are doing a great job as a son and I'm sure mum and dad are grateful to have you around, take care of yourself as well too WS77
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,235
Hi @DJK2 , welcome to Dementia Talking Point. I'm sure that more people will be along shortly with more direct experience than I have, but in the meantime here are my thought. There are things other than dementia that can cause the symptoms you are describing, stress certainly being one, and God knows this is a stressful time, so I wouldn't immediately assume that your dad has dementia. On the other hand he certainly has symptoms that sound like they need more investigating. Normally the advice would be to make a doctor's appointment, but at the moment they are so stretched, as you said he is not likely to be soon quickly. In the meantime keep a diary of things that concern you. This will be very helpful when you can get an appointment. It isn't exactly true that there is nothing that can be done for dementia. There are things that can help so getting an appointment as soon as you can, even if that is in six months time is vital.
In the meantime I wonder if you'd find these MOOCs interesting. I'm doing the Understanding Dementia one at present, but have also done the Preventing Dementia one as well. These are interesting and quite academic courses that will help you understand dementia and what is being done in the way of palliative care and research. Wicking Centre for Dementia Research
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,051
Yorkshire
hello @DJK2
a warm welcome to DTP
this may sound simplistic, if your dad is run down after being unwell maybe get him some vitamin supplements, especially vitamin B12 (check with your chemist about best ways to take this) ... won't do him any harm and they may do him good, even if simply through a placebo effect
 

DJK2

New member
Mar 21, 2020
7
Hi again guys,

I really appreciate use taking the time out to read and to reply to my post. And also thank you @worriedson77 for your kind words. Taking him to a GP at the moment is not realistic for me. He is not the type to go the doctors on the best of days never mind now. I will take up the advice to keep an eye on him and write down any worrying things I see. If it becomes more regular I see symptoms I will tell him I’m worried about him and i will ring a doctor myself. He is a man of routine and comforts and I feel like this pandemic is effecting him More than he is letting on. So I hope this is the reasoning behind how he has been lately. @Shedrech i do have vitamin b12 myself and I will suggest this to him even though he does call me a ‘pill popper’ for taking them myself haha. Would anyone else recommend a different approach or is this the best way forward?
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,377
Nottinghamshire
Hi @DJK2 . I agree with @Shedrech its well worth trying vitamins. I have recently started taking St John’s wort as anxiety had lead me to go over the same worries again and again. I stopped it after a few weeks thinking it wasn’t doing me any good and then slipped back into the same vicious circle. I’m the same age as your dad and back on the St. John’s wort and calm again. Your dad has nothing to lose by trying something like vitamins or herbal remedies.

From what you’ve described your dad could easily be suffering from stress or a vitamin deficiency. Nothing about his behaviour screams dementia to me.
 

DJK2

New member
Mar 21, 2020
7
@Bunpoots okay I have texted my mum and she has said she will get some St. John’s sort and hopefully we will try them out and we see improvements
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
252
Hi my dad started off like that back in 2008 little things every day forgetting unfortunately he never got help he denied anything was wrong but officially given aricept for possible dementia in 13
Hes now definitely got dementia unfortunately.please urge and nag him to get himself tested for hes memory.
Best wishes x
 

DJK2

New member
Mar 21, 2020
7
Hi @deepetshopboy, sorry to hear about your dad I hope he is as well as can be. Unfortunately I think if I urged him and nagged him it would prevent him from going more. Especially with what’s going on at the moment i do not think he will see a doctor, if I do see this going on daily and there has been no improvement I will take your advice a few months down the line and suggest to him he needs to see a doctor.

Thankyou.
 

Bunpoots

Volunteer Host
Apr 1, 2016
4,377
Nottinghamshire
Hello again @DJK2 . I hope the St John’s Wort helps your dad’s anxiety. I think it’s worth trying to get him to the doctor for a blood test if it makes no difference. There are treatable conditions which mimic dementia e.g. vitamin deficiencies or thyroid problems.

Hopefully a good diet and time to recover fully from his illness is all it takes.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,051
Yorkshire
hi @DJK2
as Spamar suggests, please ask your mum to check a pharmacist about your dad's current meds and any supplements, eg S John's Wort,she may think of using
have a look here ... click on Interactions
 

DJK2

New member
Mar 21, 2020
7
Cheers guys, my dad is not on any medication at the moment so we will give them a go.
 

Libran75

New member
Feb 5, 2020
4
Hi there,
I understand your concern and yes this might not be signs of a permanent cognitive impairment, but then again it could be. Also you mention Denentia being in the family so I think you are right to be vigilant. My dad started developing signs around 2 years before diagnosis, he is 79 now. We kept putting it down to being tired, being forgetful, never been good with dates etc, etc. Personally I think you know When something isn’t right. My dad started to get so confused with dates and could not understand the calendar. He was fine in other ways but started to get so worked up and anxious. He also went over same conversations. What I would say to you is to perhaps keep a diary, nothing major just make the odd note, like couldn’t find way to...This will give you a timeline as you may find that he gets better when less stressed and then it could all come back again. My dad would say and still says ‘I’m completely fine and from his perspective he is! Sometimes I have to remind him especially if you are sat with a doctor or someone at the memory clinic as he naturally will not recall driving erratically, getting lost, panicking etc. So my advice would be to watch and wait as you say nothing is going to happen fast at the moment and not sure it needs to for your dad. I have two sisters much younger than me and similar age to you, and that’s what drew me to replying. It’s hard seeing changes in a parent, permanent or otherwise and your dad is young. Keep an eye on him, enjoy him and look after yourself.
 

DJK2

New member
Mar 21, 2020
7
Hi @Libran75,

Thankyou for taking the time to reply, I hope your dad is well as can be during this difficult time. A lot of people have suggested taking notes also so I have started doing that since the start of the week. You mentioned you think you know if something isn’t right and unfortunately I think I know he is not right. He is constantly forgetting were he put things, and names of people. I’ve also been asking my mum more about my nans condition as I had only just been born when she passed away. This is when i found out she was diagnosed with dementia at just 42 and lived with it for 20 years. The difference is from what I have been reading from other people’s experience such as yours is that my dad is acknowledging the fact is head is a little ‘scrambled’ at the minute as he told me yesterday. But when I was speaking to him about retiring soon he was speaking very negatively saying knowing his luck he won’t be able to enjoy the fruits of his labour. All I can do right now is take notes and keep an eye on him, I am hoping after this pandemic is over he will go back to his old self. I’ve mentioned this before but I can see he is stressed about what’s going on at the moment so it could be down to this, but I feel I more hope this then think it is.
 

LesleyG

Registered User
Feb 4, 2017
29
Welcome to DTP @DJK2
Personally, I’d get your dad to the GP for a general check up. Stress can cause memory issues & so can things like anaemia.
Please keep posting as you’ll get lots of support here
A urine infection can also cause problems. Try to get your Dad checked out.
 

DJK2

New member
Mar 21, 2020
7
Hi @LesleyG I would l love for my dad to get checked out but with what is going on right now and my dad already being worried about catching the virus this will not happen any time soon unfortunately.
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
114,446
Messages
1,674,294
Members
65,502
Latest member
5ue