Looking after mum for four years from afar , started just doing shopping as she can’t find her way back from shops. Now it on 24/7 call in between the two 30 min care visits . I have reached the limits of burn out. My mum who has mid/ late stage dementia is calling me in the middle of the night thinking it’s time to get up / setting the table for a meal at 4.30am and asking me when people are coming . She has got herself back into her clothes after the carer has left her in her nighty as she has fallen asleep on sofa and woken thinking its the next day. She was unable to get her nighty off so put her clothes on top. She is finding it hard to clean herself up after going to the toilet and will phone me in between care visits as she is in a complete mess ! I live 55 miles away and often there are no available carers to go back to help her. Last week I had to go to her twice in one day . I had a further assessment of her needs on Friday after I had a break down on the phone to SSD and threatened to walk away and do nothing for her and this has resulted in being told by Social services that they will up her visits to four a day whilst waiting for an urgent capacity assessment to be carried out . My problem is that after the last care visit at night mums on her own oblivious to risks, unlocks her front door and she’s totally unable to hear or react to any alarm that may go off. Refuses to have a hearing aid and is now unable to use the phone apart from holding it and talking talking but no listening or responding to my voice ! as she cant hold it to her ear or her mouth properly as totally forgotten how. I am the telephone number on her call button Help line, though she is unable to recall that she has to press it if she has a fall etc. If SSD refuse to put her into a home for assessment or long term , as they may say she has capacity and she will refuse as she thinks she’s fine !! Can I withdraw my care for her at night and state that I will continue doing her shopping and getting her medicines only ? She is only in a one bedroom flat and the care agency we use does not cover after 10pm. I have POA for both finance and health but just feel that as I have been holding the fort at night this is deemed all ok by SSD . As further information…. I took mum to her GP for A further memory test in she scored 12/30 (she was 20/30 ) 12 months ago and the GP completed her DNR with me as she put on the form Severe Dementia no capacity.
My question is can I withdraw my nighttime care to SSD which leaves mum without anyone answering her calls if she is in a panic or messes , also no one to answer the fall alarm, this will leave SSD stuck and they may have to put something more suitable in place for mum , I feel bad but my family can’t keep being disturbed at night . Mum isn’t self funded though makes a contribution to her carers as she gets AA and the disability top of on her state pension.
Any advice appreciated
My question is can I withdraw my nighttime care to SSD which leaves mum without anyone answering her calls if she is in a panic or messes , also no one to answer the fall alarm, this will leave SSD stuck and they may have to put something more suitable in place for mum , I feel bad but my family can’t keep being disturbed at night . Mum isn’t self funded though makes a contribution to her carers as she gets AA and the disability top of on her state pension.
Any advice appreciated
Last edited:
