I've come to the decision that dad needs to have support from people other than me. Firstly so he can socialise more and secondly so that I can have a break. I had a lovely scenario playing out in my head where he could attend one of the local care homes that say they provide day care and respite, then further down the line, if/ when we need it, he'd be in a familiar place so moving to full time care would be fairly simple. All the places I've looked at seem adequate with friendly staff and clean environments. However, day care seems to mean sitting in front of a TV or simple craft activities which dad would despise, and respite means " if there's a bed available". I wanted to be able to take him somewhere where there would be conversation, physical activities and friendship. I need to be able to book a week's respite at a time that is convenient to us and can be planned for. Does anyone know how I might be able to find this type of service?
Why is it so difficult to find the support we need?
- Thread starter wurrienot
- Start date
I have, sadly, no answer to your question. I do think I understand your need for that search.I remember feeling something similar about my mother.I looked into singing groups for people with mild dementia, chair based exercise or any community based activities I could find. I was desperate to keep my mother's sociable side alive and to enable her to talk and hold conversations more - to exercise what, in other words, I perceived she was losing. I did find one group which could specifically suit my mother - it was a locally charitable organisation which was for partially sighted people which were a Godsend because they would pick her up once a week and, for a small fee, lunch was provided as well. Many of the people there were elderly too. I thought it was just what my mother needed and she did go for a while but I soon began to realise that she didn't feel so comfortable in groups of this nature.She didn't come right out and say that but she was becoming less comfortable with strangers(and with dementia, even people you saw quite recently could seem like strangers). For me, I recognise now, that it was me who was trying to hang on to what Mum used to be which was causing the stress. Now in a care home, I can see it more clearly.My mother still has speech but she does not generally have that much communication with the other residents even though she chooses to sit in the lounge every day. Mum was once a very sociable person but I see now that socialising was becoming a difficult thing.The carers are kind and she enjoys the banter and attention from them or looks forward to my visits or when I take her out somewhere.
I suppose my expectations were too high. I imagined a place that was residential but also had day care with activities. I thought there might be dedicated respite beds too. My picture was of me taking dad until he felt comfortable with the situation, then him going alone for the odd afternoon, me telling them when I'd like to go on holiday and a bed being available. .. probably all leading to full time care in a place we were all familiar with. I'll take off my rose tinted glasses now!
10 or 15 years back there were - I remember reading threads on here from people booking rolling respite that they booked in advanced. By this stage mum needed permanent care and OH was only just beginning to show symptoms so I hadnt used respite.
Now its all changed and getting respite can be as hard as getting a GP appointment.
Seconded, even in an area with an ageing population 'Mixed ability' groups would be a godsend.
Never to be for us, if you have more than one problem, My Patsy has Alzheimer's, COPD and is incontinent, Volunteer run groups can’t take you they have a lot to manage.
Demantia homes are, as you say a little restrictive, if your PWD is in need of conversation.
There is very little option but maybe try a local Care agency or your Dementia support service may have some ideas. Keep knocking on their doors.
Colin.
