My husband has always been muddled & forgetful so I didn’t really see this coming Iast August he was diagnosed with MCI he has now been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s A couple of weeks ago my husband fainted & knocked himself out I was frantic the paramedics came within 5 mins which was amazing Since then my husband seems more confused He didn’t have a stroke but they are going to do tests on his heart as a day patient When this happened all I wanted was my wonderful husband & made a vow to myself that I wouldn’t get impatient again with him if he was ok & however muddled & forgetful he was he was with me and that was all that mattered But the last couple of days I haven’t been very nice to him I feel terrible about it as I know it’s not his fault & if the situation was reserved he would be amazing with me I am so depressed at the moment I’ve not long had a knee replacement & need my other knee & 1 hip replaced I struggle as I was always active but now I find little job’s difficult At the moment I can’t see any light & would like to go to bed tonight & not wake up But I know that’s so selfish How do I remain positive & patient Sorry I’m rambling
Why am I so impatient
- Thread starter Bevhar
- Start date
It is not surprising that you might feel a bit impatient at times @Bevhar you have a lot going on in your life, looking after your husband with dementia and being in pain yourself, so please do not be hard on yourself.
Do you have any help to look after your husband, if not it might be an idea to get into contact with your local adult social services to arrange a needs assessment for your husband and a carers assessment for yourself. If you have a little more support you might find it easier to manage day to day.
In the meantime keep posting on the forum, just talking about how we feel can help us all.
Do you have any help to look after your husband, if not it might be an idea to get into contact with your local adult social services to arrange a needs assessment for your husband and a carers assessment for yourself. If you have a little more support you might find it easier to manage day to day.
In the meantime keep posting on the forum, just talking about how we feel can help us all.
Thank you he really isn’t that bad that I need help He can do a lot of things for himself It’s just me trying to adjust to him not always realising what I’m asking him to do I think
Maybe I need to get us involved in the Alzheimers groups But as I said he isn’t really bad just forgetful & muddled
Maybe it's you who needs the help? With dodgy knees and a hip too, it must be very hard for you to do the increasing amount of things that fall to you. Is it time to get a cleaner/gardener/someone to change the beds and do the ironing?
Sadly he's not going to get any better than he is today so you may/will need carers for him in the future. Having, say, a cleaner now might get him used to the idea of outside help. (And would make your life easier.)
Bevar , don't be too hard on yourself, even if you think your loved one might have dementia. it's still a shock when it's confirmed, you're the one that has to make sure things get done, even when he can still do some things, and when you're not feeling too great yourself makes it harder. you might think about some help, even just one day a week so you can have a break, I'm going to have to find someone to mow the lawn as none of us are able now...take care x
Would he go to a day centre, I didn’t think my husband would but goes readily and I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is to have some time when I’m not ‘on duty’. I understand your frustration, I have it often, we are only human and it’s natural to feel the stress of it all.
Sorry and I know it's a mantra I've used on here so many times on here, but you have to learn to live in their world when they can no longer live in ours, it's that simple.
Fight all the battles you want but you will lose the war, AZ doesn't take prisoners and we as carers are just collateral damage, we suffer too but usually survive, into what, life as a former carer, alone now.
Do it all over again if I could hard as it was, first 10 years are the worst as it say on here. K
Fight all the battles you want but you will lose the war, AZ doesn't take prisoners and we as carers are just collateral damage, we suffer too but usually survive, into what, life as a former carer, alone now.
Do it all over again if I could hard as it was, first 10 years are the worst as it say on here. K
Thank you I’m managing at the moment But I think it maybe an idea for the future He’s a very easy going person and would not object to me getting help
That’s lovely to hear you would do it all again At the moment my husband is capable of most things just very forgetful& confused I’m just glad he’s here with me at the moment I want to be the best I can as he’s the love of my life I have read other people coping well as carers & I know if it was the reverse situation my husband would be wonderful with me I wonder if the people that find it the hardest are the ones who weren’t as close
To begin with Was it your wife you cared for
I feel like I am in the same situation. I pray every morning for God to give me patience. I find when I am tired is when I really lose it. Are you getting enough rest? My husband can still do daily cares by himself but needs reminders to do so...and sometimes he isn't cooperative about it. He has difficulty following directions, and asks the same questions over and over. It's really hard sometimes knowing he was a highly intelligent man and now can't figure out how to empty the trash. I think I might get a boxing bag so I can take out my frustrations on it. I don't think he would cooperate with a care giver at this time and he doesn't really need one as long as I am here. I just would like a few days for a break....but there aren't a lot of respite options I think he would cooperate with. Good luck.
I'm so sorry to read how you are feeling but I understand only too well as I also find it difficult to remain positive and patient and at times, the light has gone out for me at the end of the tunnel. I think you have to keep reminding yourself that you are only human and you can't be 'perfect' all of the time, particularly when you are facing all the problems that go with Alzheimer's and his and your other health issues. I think just about everyone loses their patience at times and then regrets it, but I think you have to let it go and not feel guilty but just do what you can. I find that when I try to set myself high standards then I fail. I'm sure you are doing your best and hope that posting here helps you.
I feel exactly the same. I think you are describing my husband LOL. I have recently started going into the bathroom, I stand behind the door muttering the f word over and over again and doing a two fingers dance. I would never normally swear at all but this does help me a tiny bit LOL
@BeeBeeDee i am trying not to laugh at that image. I rarely swear and my husband doesn’t even have a diagnosis yet - but I have made a hand gesture behind his back once or twice and it did help! X
Before I was made redundant 20 months ago then found I couldn't get another job as OH was falling apart (Diagnosis only 9 months ago, deteriorating rapidly) if I got frustrated at work I used to go into the Ladies and kick the toilet. Worked really well!
At home, I go into the potting shed and have a good scream, and pummel the potting shed table!
Hate the dementia not the victims (including yourself)
I am so relieved to read the last couple of posts! They have actually made me smile to myself after a hard evening. I often feel guilty at my feelings of resentment, silent ‘f’ words behind my partners back relieve some of the angst. My partner was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s a couple of years ago and my days seem to be a constant battle now. Not much fun really is it, constantly walking on eggshells and having to physically do so much more nowadays, as he isn’t capable of most of the jobs partners normally do. We have 2 beautiful but big dogs, they are physically a lot of work, but he is thoroughly spoiling them and tonight, was feeding them sweet biscuits. I told him he mustn’t do this, which caused a temper flare up! There is always something and the thought of this slowly getting worse for the next few years, fills me with despair!
Offer your husband suitable snacks to feed the dogs? A handful of kibble thrown one by one in the garden (or in the house if you dare) If you start by saying that's a good idea to feed the dogs, let's take them into the garden and have a game, and then move off with the dogs, I hope, like my husband, he will want to do what you're doing so you then leave him to it. Positive reinforcement for dogs and husband alike. Don't say don't, say do this. As with toddlers, only the later half of a sentence may stick, so don't feed them biscuits becomes feed them biscuits. Let's throw some kibble remains let's throw some kibble
Your last sentence is good advice @Alisongs. Even at this (potentially) early stage, it is hard not to feel a bit sad, angry, or frustrated at the things that are said to you - or more often I find, the things that aren’t said to you. X
Hello @Touchstone. I am sure as I have - you will find lots of non judgemental support on this forum. X
I feel what you are going through so deeply. I get very impatient with my husband at times and then I feel horrible about myself.
He has vascular dementia and was diagnosed two years ago.
We still have many good days, but we also have some very difficult days. I can get very resentful, tired, and angry. I don't like that about myself. But we're human - just doing the best we can in very difficult situations that we never asked for.
You sound like a wonderful person to me. Don't be hard on yourself. Your hibby is lucky to have you take care of him.
My husband does the same thing with our dog. Even though I ask him not to, he still does.
Do you ever feel like you have to do EVERYTHING now? I feel that way. And nowadays it just overwhelms me.
So thankful for this forum where I can unload these feelings I have without any judgement.
Hang in there. You are doing a good job in a tough situation
