found out today that when i had to go out yesterday, clive went on bus to local small town center, on bus, and sold some jewellery to a local cash generator,i thought it strange he had some money in his wallet, when i asked him, he said he had been saving it, something told me this wasnt right, so phoned up shop and they told me he has been selling jewellery to them for the last three weeks, only thing is not all of it is his, he constantly tells lies, and when confronted by this he said he doesnt know why he has done it, there seems no end to his lies as more stuff has come out too, i am struggling to cope with this all, when will it end? He says he has had enough i am worried that he might try and do something silly. can someone please help in how to deal with this.
who can help?
- Thread starter unicorn
- Start date
Dear unicorn,
My husband has never sold jewellery, but I have had big problems with him with large amounts of cash. He once emptied our joint account and put it on his name. Another time he had £200 in his wallet and said he`d `found` it.
I now make sure my husband has at least £50 on him. I know it`s a lot, when all he does is buy the papers and lottery tickets, but I`m sure this need is necessary for his security. It is also an aid to holding on to his independence.
When we are out, he is the fist to say, `I`ll pay`, and that`s because he always has.
Does your husband have money with him? I know it`s hard when they are losing the knowledge of the value, but it`s obvious it`s needed.
Love xx
My husband has never sold jewellery, but I have had big problems with him with large amounts of cash. He once emptied our joint account and put it on his name. Another time he had £200 in his wallet and said he`d `found` it.
I now make sure my husband has at least £50 on him. I know it`s a lot, when all he does is buy the papers and lottery tickets, but I`m sure this need is necessary for his security. It is also an aid to holding on to his independence.
When we are out, he is the fist to say, `I`ll pay`, and that`s because he always has.
Does your husband have money with him? I know it`s hard when they are losing the knowledge of the value, but it`s obvious it`s needed.
Love xx
Hi Unicorn
I'm not sure I would characterise it so much as "lying", rather that he is making something up because he has no idea about the truth of the matter. Which is not to say that people with dementia couldn't lie, but it doesn't sound from what you say that that is what he is doing. It does sound as if he has become overwelmingly concerned with money and having it, and Sylvia knows what that's like. Other people have mentioned this aspect as well: it seems to be a recognition that life is going to hell in a handbasket but that money is the ultimate security blanket. I think if he's taking and selling things that are not his to sell, you're going to have to lock away anything of value (both monetary and sentimental value). In other words try to manage his environment not the behaviour. I really, really wish that someone could tell you how long this is going to last, but unfortunately no one can.
Love
I'm not sure I would characterise it so much as "lying", rather that he is making something up because he has no idea about the truth of the matter. Which is not to say that people with dementia couldn't lie, but it doesn't sound from what you say that that is what he is doing. It does sound as if he has become overwelmingly concerned with money and having it, and Sylvia knows what that's like. Other people have mentioned this aspect as well: it seems to be a recognition that life is going to hell in a handbasket but that money is the ultimate security blanket. I think if he's taking and selling things that are not his to sell, you're going to have to lock away anything of value (both monetary and sentimental value). In other words try to manage his environment not the behaviour. I really, really wish that someone could tell you how long this is going to last, but unfortunately no one can.
Love
unicorn said:
Firstly I am not so sure he is lying either, just really confused as to what is happening.
Secondly is he depressed at all?
I am concerned that he says he has had enough.................enough of what?
It might be worth contacting the GP and seeing if he needs his medication reviewing.
Kathleen
Hi Unicorn,
Boy are you having a difficult time.
We have a similar money problem with mum - she hasn't sold anything yet (that we know of!) but dad lets her always have £200 in her purse! (far too much in my opinion
) and that usually keeps her happy. Every now and again we have an incident where she wants more (she once wanted an extra £500 but we've never found out what for) but as long as dad keeps her £200 topped up everytime she spends money she keeps quite calm.
Is this a possibility for you? Obviously I don't recommend £200!
Boy are you having a difficult time.
We have a similar money problem with mum - she hasn't sold anything yet (that we know of!) but dad lets her always have £200 in her purse! (far too much in my opinion
) and that usually keeps her happy. Every now and again we have an incident where she wants more (she once wanted an extra £500 but we've never found out what for) but as long as dad keeps her £200 topped up everytime she spends money she keeps quite calm.Is this a possibility for you? Obviously I don't recommend £200!
