Where did it all go?

[kingmidas1962]

For those of you who don't know I have just cleared my parents house, ready for the new owners who get the keys on Friday. Dad has dementia and is in care, mum had a breakdown last summer after years of caring for him, and is in extra care housing.

Its all been a bit of a whirl - less traumatic than I expected, but difficult nevertheless. We're nearly at the final hurdle - a house clearance company are removing the remainder of the furniture which was unwanted / not needed and clearing the shed, garage and greenhouse - all of which were sadly neglected and unused for quite a few years.

The thing I cannot really fathom is where everything has gone. I was aware that my mum had been 'cleansing' for a few years - getting rid of clutter and junk piece by piece - taking things to the charity shop where she used to work. There was some big stuff which I've no idea how she disposed of - she always kept everything very hidden (including her impending breakdown) so, sadly, I think she must have enlisted help from someone - maybe even the same house clearance people I am using.

There aren't many things I actively wish I had found, but the one thing I was really looking forward to seeing again were my dads paintings. He used to paint many years ago - even sold a couple, but there were a few he wasn't really pleased with (although I thought they were lovely) and they ended up in the loft. They were BIG pieces and I cant imagine mum carrying them ... I wonder where they went? I hope someone has them now, and is enjoying them - I just wish it was me.

Clearing and selling the house has always felt like a necessary evil - this is the only thing that has really made me feel sad during the entire process

 

[Tigers15]

For those of you who don't know I have just cleared my parents house, ready for the new owners who get the keys on Friday. Dad has dementia and is in care, mum had a breakdown last summer after years of caring for him, and is in extra care housing.

Its all been a bit of a whirl - less traumatic than I expected, but difficult nevertheless. We're nearly at the final hurdle - a house clearance company are removing the remainder of the furniture which was unwanted / not needed and clearing the shed, garage and greenhouse - all of which were sadly neglected and unused for quite a few years.

The thing I cannot really fathom is where everything has gone. I was aware that my mum had been 'cleansing' for a few years - getting rid of clutter and junk piece by piece - taking things to the charity shop where she used to work. There was some big stuff which I've no idea how she disposed of - she always kept everything very hidden (including her impending breakdown) so, sadly, I think she must have enlisted help from someone - maybe even the same house clearance people I am using.

There aren't many things I actively wish I had found, but the one thing I was really looking forward to seeing again were my dads paintings. He used to paint many years ago - even sold a couple, but there were a few he wasn't really pleased with (although I thought they were lovely) and they ended up in the loft. They were BIG pieces and I cant imagine mum carrying them ... I wonder where they went? I hope someone has them now, and is enjoying them - I just wish it was me.

Clearing and selling the house has always felt like a necessary evil - this is the only thing that has really made me feel sad during the entire process

So sorry much loved memorabilia has been lost. I truly empathise. All I can advise is to hold your memories dear - they are what matter most.

 

[angelbee112]

Sorry to hear about your experiences, it's a horrible constantly wondering where things have gone.

Just a thought but did your parents ever get those charity donation bags in the post? It could be they filled those with some of the missing items, as was the case with my Gran before she moved into a care home. We tried to intercept as many as possible, but some slipped through and she thought she had to fill them, so would get rid of even things she wanted to keep. Some charities also come and collect bigger items for free too.

I hope you find some of your lost items one day, it's hard losing irreplaceable things like the paintings, but as Tigers15 said; just need to hold onto the memories even more.

 

[sistermillicent]

I realise you can't ask your mum as you don't want to set her back, but could you ask the neighbours if they know anything, saw vans or something?
For what it's worth, I brought loads of stuff home from my parents' house when they moved recently after forty years. I didn't keep any of it, it didn't give me what i wanted.

But in the immediacy of clearing the house out there was a lot i thought i wanted. I realise paintings seem more personal but even my mother's paintings which i possess do nothing for me, they are in the loft. it is the odd little things like an old photo album catching me unawares or talking about her to my children that bring her back to me as she was.
Clearing stuff out is a horrible task. I hope you are ok.

 

[mancmum]

Clearing houses

I had a terrible experience. I had to clear my family home by remote control, as I looked after my Dad, and between them my husband and son threw out my Dad's christening gown. I really wanted this. My mother had treasured it. We thought we had worked out it had gone in a bin but the bin men came and took the bin off the drive and emptied. I was devastated.

I had one emergency dash between 9.00 p.m. and 10.00 a.m. to get plant pots. The purchasers had bullied us and bullied us over price and then delayed the sale. I didn't want them to have the chimney pots my Dad had salvaged over the years to use as plant pots.

So much just went - Christmas Decorations, my school prizes. It was a really brutal experience and because you are tied up with caring so much harder to do. My father had been unable to part with even one broken torch ... he had at least four ... so we knew we could not let him participate in this.

 

[kingmidas1962]

I had a terrible experience. I had to clear my family home by remote control, as I looked after my Dad, and between them my husband and son threw out my Dad's christening gown. I really wanted this. My mother had treasured it. We thought we had worked out it had gone in a bin but the bin men came and took the bin off the drive and emptied. I was devastated.

I had one emergency dash between 9.00 p.m. and 10.00 a.m. to get plant pots. The purchasers had bullied us and bullied us over price and then delayed the sale. I didn't want them to have the chimney pots my Dad had salvaged over the years to use as plant pots.

So much just went - Christmas Decorations, my school prizes. It was a really brutal experience and because you are tied up with caring so much harder to do. My father had been unable to part with even one broken torch ... he had at least four ... so we knew we could not let him participate in this.

I'm so sorry to hear that - it sounds horribly traumatic...we were lucky that the buyers are first timers who apparently 'fell in love' with the house and stuck through the sale through all the chaos of me not being able to find paperwork, delays when I couldn't free myself from caring for mum and / or dad to concentrate on the house etc etc.

It really is very hard and I'm sad for you that your experience was so awful. I'm not really sure exactly how much I don't have, which I thought was there just yet - it hasn't quite sunk in. I'm sure over the coming months I will have lots of moment when I wonder where things are, only to realise they've gone.