I have been providing 24/7 support to my husband for years now because he is totally unable to look after himself - and he is still only in his 60s - my dilemma is when/whether I should stop - when does it get 'too much' for me and not 'too unkind' for him? I didn't find the decision so hard for older relatives with dementia in their 80s who I did less caring for (and care homes are mostly geared to their needs anyway). With a younger person/spouse it is a whole different kettle of fish, I am afraid.
But yes you are right - wishing for advice and getting it are two very different things. Thank you for your realism.
ALso - have just found a local charity that does have an Admiral Nurse - so there is hope.
Hi Sarahdun
It is a difficult decision when your OH is young.
My OH was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's at 55 , he is now recently turned 62.
I cared for him for 7 years through this horrible disease, watching him slowly deteriorate.
I eventually agreed to him moving to a care home on 2nd April this year ( 8 weeks ago today).
The 6 months prior to this he refused to take his clothes off sleeping in them, refusing to shower or shave, became frightened of the toilet urinating on the floors all over the house. Holding on to his poo for over a week despite giving him medication for this. Wandering all night up and down the stairs calling out my name despite me being in bed beside him. Constantly returning him to bed trying to get him to lie down to no avail. Among all the other symptoms of advanced dementia. He was unaware of his surroundings and didn't recognise any of our 4 sons.
Professionals had been recommending Care Home for over 2 years but I had refused.
An assessment of needs from SS, after application for guardianship, where mental health officer, GP and Dementia Clinic assessments, decision to look at suitable placement was sought, which myself and children agreed to.
There is not a lot of places for under 65 available. I did think it would take over 6 months to find a placement. I was very upset when a place was found within 3 weeks, and wasn't sure what to do.
I did take the placement. OH was oblivious to what was happening. I cried for 2 weeks all the time. OH settled well, he is happy to see me when I visit but gets upset when I leave I have to skip away.
I miss him terribly, but I know he is getting looked after well, I visit and take him out. 24/7 caring for him was to much and he wouldn't let children be with him to give me a break, so sad as my sons and husband were best friends, went to football, played football and golf every week..
Sorry this is so long, but hope it will help you with your journey.
Rose x