Hello I am new to this Website/Chatroom and I have been reading many of the Threads and am truly touched and feel for everyone who is coping with Alzheimer’s.
My Nan has Alzheimers and moved in with my Parents just over a year ago when my Grandad passed away from Lung Cancer.
My Mum made a promise to her Dad (My Grandad) that she would care for Nan. My Grandparents never wanted to be a burden on their family especially my Grandad...he was fighting our help right up to his last breath! He hid Nan's illness from us and never asked for help, which we all as a family feel guilty about.
It is very hard when you are working...and in a way if it hadn't been for me not working at the time as I was pregnant...I don't want to think out the situation could have ended.
I used to go over every Monday for lunch to see my grandparents…We knew Nan had alzheimers, although we weren’t really allow to call it that in front of my Grandad…he was a very stubborn man and didn’t like to accept any help or advice from the Doctors. Although we had managed to get her diagnosed …I think it was too late for any medication…and my Grandad felt like it didn’t work so stopped giving her the tablets that were subscribed
My Monday visits continued right through my pregnancy till my little girl was 6 months old…This is when my granddad got a cold and could seems to shift his cough/chest infection. His strength and weight also rapidly decreased and I was the only one allowed to take him to the doctors and finally the hospital. I was with him and my Nan the day he got told he didn’t have long to live ….It was one of the hardest phone calls I have ever had to make to my Mum and then try and put a brave face on for my Grandad and my Nan who did not understand he was dying.
In the time of being told; 10 days later my granddad was dead….it was so fast our feet didn’t touch the ground…We were trying to get some home help as my granddad refused to go into a hospice cos he was worried about my Nan. All time he was ill his main concern was our Nan.
There were so many forms to fill in and between my mum, sister and I managed to get a bit of a rota for caring for both my grandparents till we could get some care in..but just as we got the first nurse in my Grandad gave up.
Since this time Nan has been living with my parents and my sister gave up her job to care for her during the week.( she gets paid by Nan). My mum does have a brother and they did managed to get the power of attorney sorted before granddad pasted away. Fortunately my uncle is a barrister so we are very lucky to have a family member in touch with the law side of things.
We are also lucky in the fact that we have managed to find a day centre for Nan Monday to Friday. This helps Nan as she really does get bored and we think she does enjoy it.
The whole change of living situations has not only made Nan deteriorate very rapidly but also put a tremendous amount of strain on my parents. Divorce has been mentioned in the past although I think and very much hope this was just a very bad row!!! Not only the arguing, but also my Mum has a bad hip and finds it very difficult to do anything….housework and just day to day life takes its toll on her. As a result things just don’t get done and at the weekend my mum is so exhausted she wants to relax.
Also at the weekends Nan doesn’t get the attention she wants and becomes very frustrated and argumentative which causes rows and tension.
Her medication also gets forgotten as my mum has just so much on her mind!!
I am so worried about my Mum..not only her own health but her state of mind…I think she is very depressed….in a lot of ways she is like my granddad and is very stubborn ..she doesn’t like going to the doctors and doesn’t like being forced into a decision!!…My sister has only just got her to the doctors about her hip…she has never told the doctor. We all know she needs a hip replacement ( It’s hereditary…My uncle has had both his hips done) but My mum thinks as she is over weight she wouldn’t be allowed one so just plods on with the pain.
So she is putting up with her own problems, my Nan’s illness and her guilty conscience.
This guilty conscience is the biggest obstacle for not only us as a family but herself….
My mum is not ready to put Nan into a home full time although the rest of the family think it is time for Nan to go.
My Uncle put my Nan’s name down on a list for a Home shortly after Nan moved in with my Mum and they have phone recently saying there is a place for Nan.
The answer to our problems is staring us in the face but my Mum doesn’t feel ready to put Nan in a home but is crying out for a break .We can’t seemed to even get any sort of respite care as these respite homes are booked solid!!! And My Nan doesn't seemed to fit into the Social Service System as she has money. We got told from Social Services that as Nan had money we could pay any respite home to take her for a break. The respite homes told us they only have beds spare which are for social services!!!! and she has to be referred by social services which is a long winded process and apparently we have to do it all again as they have struck nan off her books!!!!
Originally I thought it would be best for Nan to live with her family around her…but even I feel now is the time for a home…
My Dad, Sister’s Family and my immediate family took part in the Relay for Life for Cancer Research at the weekend in memory of our Grandad and other lost ones….My Mum was so looking forward to the Candle of Hope Ceremony and this special moment was ruined by my Nan’s Constance moaning about being cold and that fact she wanted to be at her home!! My mum couldn’t leave her seat because of my Nan and it upset me so much!! I feel like my Mum is putting her whole life on hold and giving up.
I don’t want to be resentful against my Nan but it is becoming increasing hard!! I want my mum and dad to be able to enjoy their forthcoming retirement but this doesn’t look promising.
One small comfort is that we are all going on a family holiday next month which is more than some people can from reading the threads.. My uncle has agreed to have our Nan for a couple of weeks.
My mum is so focused on this holiday she is not interested in thinking about the future.
I wondered if there was anyone else out there who had made the decision of placing their parent in a home that could possible relate to my mum’s situation.
We spoke to a nurse last week who said that she would probably love a Home environment, as it is very similar to her Day centre. It isn’t like putting them in prison…you can take them out for the day and have them at Christmas and special occasions. My mum took a little bit of comfort in this but it wasn’t enough to convince her and the Guilt factor is a big hurdle for her….Any advice would be very welcome
My Nan has Alzheimers and moved in with my Parents just over a year ago when my Grandad passed away from Lung Cancer.
My Mum made a promise to her Dad (My Grandad) that she would care for Nan. My Grandparents never wanted to be a burden on their family especially my Grandad...he was fighting our help right up to his last breath! He hid Nan's illness from us and never asked for help, which we all as a family feel guilty about.
It is very hard when you are working...and in a way if it hadn't been for me not working at the time as I was pregnant...I don't want to think out the situation could have ended.
I used to go over every Monday for lunch to see my grandparents…We knew Nan had alzheimers, although we weren’t really allow to call it that in front of my Grandad…he was a very stubborn man and didn’t like to accept any help or advice from the Doctors. Although we had managed to get her diagnosed …I think it was too late for any medication…and my Grandad felt like it didn’t work so stopped giving her the tablets that were subscribed
My Monday visits continued right through my pregnancy till my little girl was 6 months old…This is when my granddad got a cold and could seems to shift his cough/chest infection. His strength and weight also rapidly decreased and I was the only one allowed to take him to the doctors and finally the hospital. I was with him and my Nan the day he got told he didn’t have long to live ….It was one of the hardest phone calls I have ever had to make to my Mum and then try and put a brave face on for my Grandad and my Nan who did not understand he was dying.
In the time of being told; 10 days later my granddad was dead….it was so fast our feet didn’t touch the ground…We were trying to get some home help as my granddad refused to go into a hospice cos he was worried about my Nan. All time he was ill his main concern was our Nan.
There were so many forms to fill in and between my mum, sister and I managed to get a bit of a rota for caring for both my grandparents till we could get some care in..but just as we got the first nurse in my Grandad gave up.
Since this time Nan has been living with my parents and my sister gave up her job to care for her during the week.( she gets paid by Nan). My mum does have a brother and they did managed to get the power of attorney sorted before granddad pasted away. Fortunately my uncle is a barrister so we are very lucky to have a family member in touch with the law side of things.
We are also lucky in the fact that we have managed to find a day centre for Nan Monday to Friday. This helps Nan as she really does get bored and we think she does enjoy it.
The whole change of living situations has not only made Nan deteriorate very rapidly but also put a tremendous amount of strain on my parents. Divorce has been mentioned in the past although I think and very much hope this was just a very bad row!!! Not only the arguing, but also my Mum has a bad hip and finds it very difficult to do anything….housework and just day to day life takes its toll on her. As a result things just don’t get done and at the weekend my mum is so exhausted she wants to relax.
Also at the weekends Nan doesn’t get the attention she wants and becomes very frustrated and argumentative which causes rows and tension.
Her medication also gets forgotten as my mum has just so much on her mind!!
I am so worried about my Mum..not only her own health but her state of mind…I think she is very depressed….in a lot of ways she is like my granddad and is very stubborn ..she doesn’t like going to the doctors and doesn’t like being forced into a decision!!…My sister has only just got her to the doctors about her hip…she has never told the doctor. We all know she needs a hip replacement ( It’s hereditary…My uncle has had both his hips done) but My mum thinks as she is over weight she wouldn’t be allowed one so just plods on with the pain.
So she is putting up with her own problems, my Nan’s illness and her guilty conscience.
This guilty conscience is the biggest obstacle for not only us as a family but herself….
My mum is not ready to put Nan into a home full time although the rest of the family think it is time for Nan to go.
My Uncle put my Nan’s name down on a list for a Home shortly after Nan moved in with my Mum and they have phone recently saying there is a place for Nan.
The answer to our problems is staring us in the face but my Mum doesn’t feel ready to put Nan in a home but is crying out for a break .We can’t seemed to even get any sort of respite care as these respite homes are booked solid!!! And My Nan doesn't seemed to fit into the Social Service System as she has money. We got told from Social Services that as Nan had money we could pay any respite home to take her for a break. The respite homes told us they only have beds spare which are for social services!!!! and she has to be referred by social services which is a long winded process and apparently we have to do it all again as they have struck nan off her books!!!!
Originally I thought it would be best for Nan to live with her family around her…but even I feel now is the time for a home…
My Dad, Sister’s Family and my immediate family took part in the Relay for Life for Cancer Research at the weekend in memory of our Grandad and other lost ones….My Mum was so looking forward to the Candle of Hope Ceremony and this special moment was ruined by my Nan’s Constance moaning about being cold and that fact she wanted to be at her home!! My mum couldn’t leave her seat because of my Nan and it upset me so much!! I feel like my Mum is putting her whole life on hold and giving up.
I don’t want to be resentful against my Nan but it is becoming increasing hard!! I want my mum and dad to be able to enjoy their forthcoming retirement but this doesn’t look promising.
One small comfort is that we are all going on a family holiday next month which is more than some people can from reading the threads.. My uncle has agreed to have our Nan for a couple of weeks.
My mum is so focused on this holiday she is not interested in thinking about the future.
I wondered if there was anyone else out there who had made the decision of placing their parent in a home that could possible relate to my mum’s situation.
We spoke to a nurse last week who said that she would probably love a Home environment, as it is very similar to her Day centre. It isn’t like putting them in prison…you can take them out for the day and have them at Christmas and special occasions. My mum took a little bit of comfort in this but it wasn’t enough to convince her and the Guilt factor is a big hurdle for her….Any advice would be very welcome