An Update
Well, mom has been in memory care for almost 2 months now. She has settled, her roommate finally moved in, and we are still adjusting to this new journey.
Before the roommate moved in, there were mix-ups of clothing from time to time ..... no big deal since I think that is just the nature of having a community of people who wander in and out of each other's space.
NOW, however, mom seems to be going through depends and pads like crazy!!!!! I also seem to be furnishing toilet tissue and towels for both of them. Is this just the way it's going to be? Am I being too fussy?
Their room is tidy enough. I go through mom's things about every 2 days. Rehang clothes, sort through socks, etc., and turn in items that aren't hers.
But, the bathroom has become a war zone. They both have a space on either side of the sink to keep toiletries on, but their stuff is all mixed up and strewn around. This past week there were beads all over the bathroom floor. Mom is already unsteady on her legs, and those beads everywhere were a concern. Finally found out that a piece of the roommate's jewelry had broken. I had to report it three times before the beads were swept up. (Mom doesn't have any jewelry there.)
This is so new to me and I am trying to understand what is reasonable to expect.
Something else: We had our first family support group meeting. There were about 18 present. (The facility has 37 residents.) The moderator is a social worker/counselor assigned to us by the state in which we live. She was very prepared and very good. At this meeting, everyone was asked to introduce themselves, tell who their family member was and their "story". When my time came, I just couldn't do it. I gave my name and my mom's, but I choked up and just could not do it. Felt horrible as everyone was so open and emotions were high. This was hard, yet I want desperately to share. The counselor recommended a book, Creating Moments of Joy. (Hope I have the title exactly correct) I got the book, but can't even make it through that. My mom was never there for me. I lived with my grandparents from the age of 3 to 13. My parents divorced when I was 3 and mom went to school to become a Registered Nurse. When I was 13, she got a job in a hospital about 2 hours away from where my grandparents lived and moved us there. She worked crazy shifts and my brother and I were left out of necessity to fend for ourselves. When I am reading this book, the moments in time where my mom continuously goes are NOT moments of joy!!!! I've been in "parent mode" with her since I was about 15/16 and this part of the journey has worn me thin!!!
Wanting to live so I have no regrets and yet this is sooooooo hard!!!
Not intending this to be a pity session - just needed to vent!! Getting it down in writing somehow helps!
