Everything is going downhill so quickly now. Since David had his second seizure he has become more and more difficult. It is almost impossible to keep him clean. Most of the time he won't let me wash him. He hasn't had a shower for more than 5 weeks. His hair smells really bad. Yesterday he had a toilet accident whilst on a dog walk. Well I know he can't help that but when we got home he wouldn't let me clean him. He became so nasty and threatened me. An hour later I rang the Dementia helpline. Don't know why. Just needed to sound off I suppose. They have someone coming to assess us again on Monday. Meantime I couldn't get him properly sorted until bedtime. He wasn't having me clean him at all. This morning I tried to get him to have a shower but no way. So life is horrible. But in between these episodes he is like a child. He spends all his time fiddling with all sorts of bits and pieces. He talks to himself (or a friend) all the time. Plays cards with himself (or a friend) more than one kind of card games at a time. Wanders around the house looking at everything like its the first time. As soon as someone visits he switches and becomes angry and agitated. Needless to say we don't get many visitors.! And then this evening I found his wet incontinent pad lying on the kitchen floor. I was horrified. Why did he do that.? I don't know what to do next.xxxx
What to do now.
- Thread starter Casbow
- Start date
Hi Casbow. So sorry to read this - you sound very upset and I can understand.
I have no more experience than you, less probably, but Mum used to dump her wet pads wherever too - it is as if that wet pad can't be anything to do with me, certainly not, get rid...no understanding of what it is or where it should go because it's not theirs. Huge sympathy x
I have no more experience than you, less probably, but Mum used to dump her wet pads wherever too - it is as if that wet pad can't be anything to do with me, certainly not, get rid...no understanding of what it is or where it should go because it's not theirs. Huge sympathy x
Oh Casbow I do so feel for you. Life is bad enough trying to cope without having to deal with incontinence. Thankfully my OH hasn't got to that stage yet except that we had one horrible experience when staying with my cousin when I awoke during the night to find him urinating on the bedroom carpet. He had never done anything like that before, at home, so I was mortified. His pyjama trousers became damp in the process but I didn't have any others to change him into. The next morning I tried to get him to have a shower but he flatly refused. At the moment, if I'm lucky I can get him to shower twice a week. He says he showers every day but he doesn't but I don't press him as, after reading other posts regarding this sort of thing I've realised it's best not to press them.
You must be at your wits end wondering what to do and how to get him in the shower but sadly there is no easy answer when they get into a 'mood'. There is no way of getting them to do anything.
The hard part with this disease is that just when you could do with some good friends, they seem to desert you. I have been fortunate that 4 sets of our neighbours have stood by us and will put up with OH's moods and try to draw him out of them. Sometimes they are successful but on New Years Eve they weren't so we just let OH sit huddled in a chair with his coat on as he refused to remove it. At least it meant I could spend the evening with our friends, and see the New Year in with them rather than on my own.
I'm sorry, Casbow, I don't have any magic wand to wave for you I wish I had. There are lots of days when we all wish we had a magic wand to make life happier again.
I do hope you have some success with your assessment on Monday and that you have a good outcome from it.
Just keep posting as this is the best place to let off steam as there ae so many of us in the same boat.
Love Paddy
Oh Casbow, my heart goes out to you. All I can say is before the assesser comes out to you can you make a list of all your concerns and tell the full story. I always make notes as I can forget. Of course you may also have problems talking while David is present. I hope the assesser understands this problem. You know that all this awful stuff is the disease. It is heartbreaking, upsetting and so exhausting. I hope you get the help you urgently need.
Massive hugs, Aisling xx
Thankyou all, for your support and kindness. I have 3 friends that regularly call in for coffee and somehow manage to sit through what can be quite unpleasant if he is not wanting anyone there, and being nasty. Otherwise I think one of the worst things is the isolation. The not being able to go out without taking him,which means trying to get him in out out of the car. He doesn't seem to understand whats going on. I just get him in and then he undoes the seat belt and starts getting out again.It is embarrassing in the shops, because he talks to everyone but nothing he says make any sense so people just look at me and I have to excuse him. But mostly it is just us on our own at home. Which for the most part is probably the easy bit. Just that I no longer have any interest in anything. Just get through the day as best I can. I just had 2 hours increased to 3 from Crossroads and I'm already thinking what will I do for three hours. The assessment on Monday is with a view to having a carer come in to wash him. We have been to this point before and I decided not to have anyone. But I have now been advised that he may allow someone else to help him. So I will give it a go.xx
Hello casbow so sorry you are having such a rough time, l feel for you so much as l have been where you are. My husband still doesn't like anyone doing his personal care. I hope the assessment goes well for you next week, it will make you feel better to get some help.
Hello Panamm. I am hopeful that they will say I can have carer to come in to get him washed etc. Trouble is When! The last time I spoke to my Social worker she said they were really struggling to have enough care workers. This of course is backed up by the terrible situation in our hospitals. All the so called bed-blocking caused by lack of help for people to go home from hospital with a care package. I wonder what the future holds for all of us. I only need someone to help clean him in the morning at the moment, the only other big problem I have is if he has an accident when out of the house because he will not let me near him to clean up. But that I will have to deal with, as I have been, without help. Have to wait and see what happens. I will let you know.xx
