What to do next?

[Annie Marie]

Hi everyone,
I retired to look after my Mum with dementia and help my Dad who is 88 and just doesn’t get it!!
Mum gets nervous and says she annoys Dad so doesn’t want me to go anywhere, ever.
Dad gets cross and says he’s having a terrible time.
I live with them and spend my life calming things down. I do an odd day a week work and invariably get a phone call saying mum can’t cope.
I can’t freely do anything or go anywhere.

Dad has just told me I’m a useless waste of space because I didn’t know what set of keys he was asking about!!

Why do I bother?

Because I want to look after my Mum in the best way I can.

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

 

[TessB]

Hi everyone,
I retired to look after my Mum with dementia and help my Dad who is 88 and just doesn’t get it!!
Mum gets nervous and says she annoys Dad so doesn’t want me to go anywhere, ever.
Dad gets cross and says he’s having a terrible time.
I live with them and spend my life calming things down. I do an odd day a week work and invariably get a phone call saying mum can’t cope.
I can’t freely do anything or go anywhere.

Dad has just told me I’m a useless waste of space because I didn’t know what set of keys he was asking about!!

Why do I bother?

Because I want to look after my Mum in the best way I can.

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Hi Anne Marie and welcome to the forum. You and your dad may find the SPECAL method helpful https://contenteddementiatrust.org/about-us/contented-dementia-trust/
Would your mum be able to go to a day centre once a week? That would give you and your dad some space, and also give your mum a change of environment.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

Hi everyone,
I retired to look after my Mum with dementia and help my Dad who is 88 and just doesn’t get it!!
Mum gets nervous and says she annoys Dad so doesn’t want me to go anywhere, ever.
Dad gets cross and says he’s having a terrible time.
I live with them and spend my life calming things down. I do an odd day a week work and invariably get a phone call saying mum can’t cope.
I can’t freely do anything or go anywhere.

Dad has just told me I’m a useless waste of space because I didn’t know what set of keys he was asking about!!

Why do I bother?

Because I want to look after my Mum in the best way I can.

🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Is it possible your father has (the beginnings of) dementia too? His inability to understand that your mum has dementia and his reaction about the keys suggests not all is well...

And not what you wanted to hear - sorry!