My mother now needs 24 hour care. She has very reluctantly gone into a care home for "respite", but is absolutely adamant that she is going home after 4 weeks. (She only agreed to try it by making me promise that she would be going home after 4 weeks.) So far she has been there 7 days and no matter how confused she is about other things, she know how long she has been there and when I visit her every day she keeps on about how she can't wait for the 4 (now 3) weeks to be up so that she can go home. Today she talked about getting a taxi to take her home because she doesn't want to stay at the care home - luckily she does not have the ability to do that.
My brother and I have Power of Attorney (both kinds) so legally we can control where she lives, but for me that is not the only point to consider. My mother could live in her own home with 24 hour live in care. She would not like that either, but it would be the lesser of two evils from her point of view.
Whilst my brother and I both want Mum to stay in the care home, he believes that we should insist that she stays there no matter what she wants or how miserable she is. I believe that we should take her happiness into account, so whilst I would prefer her to be in the care home near me, if she insists on going home I think we should let her. Her own home is more than 2 hours away from me and more than 3 hours from my brother, so it is demanding on us to have to do all the travelling to visit her and deal with her affairs, but I am prepared to do it, my brother is not.
My brother keeps on telling me how everyone he knows says it doesn't matter what my mother wants because we have PoA. He has absolutely no empathy and is only interested in what suits him best (my son has autism and my brother has some traits, like this). I am so torn. I want my mother to be happy, but I would also love her to stay in the care home which is excellent and then I could see her every day. Although she keeps on talking about wanting to go home, she does seem quite happy with the care she is getting - often says how wonderful the food is and the staff are nice, and she had a lovely time at a singing event yesterday.
I just don't know what to do if Mum is still insistent on going home in 3 weeks. I want her to stay, my brother wants her to stay, but if I tell her she is staying she will be extremely upset, and I can't see that stopping after a day or two. She will also be very angry with me.
What would anyone else do in this situation? If you have had to deal with this sort of problem, what did you do and how did it work out?
Many thanks
J
My brother and I have Power of Attorney (both kinds) so legally we can control where she lives, but for me that is not the only point to consider. My mother could live in her own home with 24 hour live in care. She would not like that either, but it would be the lesser of two evils from her point of view.
Whilst my brother and I both want Mum to stay in the care home, he believes that we should insist that she stays there no matter what she wants or how miserable she is. I believe that we should take her happiness into account, so whilst I would prefer her to be in the care home near me, if she insists on going home I think we should let her. Her own home is more than 2 hours away from me and more than 3 hours from my brother, so it is demanding on us to have to do all the travelling to visit her and deal with her affairs, but I am prepared to do it, my brother is not.
My brother keeps on telling me how everyone he knows says it doesn't matter what my mother wants because we have PoA. He has absolutely no empathy and is only interested in what suits him best (my son has autism and my brother has some traits, like this). I am so torn. I want my mother to be happy, but I would also love her to stay in the care home which is excellent and then I could see her every day. Although she keeps on talking about wanting to go home, she does seem quite happy with the care she is getting - often says how wonderful the food is and the staff are nice, and she had a lovely time at a singing event yesterday.
I just don't know what to do if Mum is still insistent on going home in 3 weeks. I want her to stay, my brother wants her to stay, but if I tell her she is staying she will be extremely upset, and I can't see that stopping after a day or two. She will also be very angry with me.
What would anyone else do in this situation? If you have had to deal with this sort of problem, what did you do and how did it work out?
Many thanks
J