What should we be doing ?

[Fixer80]

Hi all

My Wife’s mother has been diagnosed with dementia for 8 months now.
She is in her late 70s and lives with her husband who is in his 80s.
My wife is round nearly everyday and 1 of her 5 brothers is also round nearly everyday.
The other 4 brothers rarely visit and do not seem to realise just how bad things are especially for their Dad who is really struggling.

Recently things seem to be getting drastically worse .
She won’t take her medication and gets angry and volatile whenever someone try’s to help.
She constantly seems to be angry and violent with her husband .
He is finding it really hard and has broke down in tears a few times .

We don’t seem to be getting much help from anyone regarding her illness and was just wondering if anyone can point us in the right direction of what we are entitled to or what we can do to increase both of their quality of life.

Kind regards

 

[2jays]

Hi

Sorry to hear this

Welcome to TP

Sorry you have a need but so glad you found us

May I suggest you contact the Alzheimer’s support line

03002221122

Any question you ask, they most probably know the answer, if not, they will know someone who does

A bucket full of information and guidance

Hopefully others on TP, when they can, will be along with support too

It’s such a difficult time for all who deal with dementia, don’t forget that you both are important too and make sure you take steps back from the situation to recharge your batteries

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Fixer80
a warm welcome to TP
many of us think this is the best place to come for support and helpful suggestions
your mum in law has a right to an assessment of her care needs by her Local Authority Adult Services so contact them and arrange one - don't say anything about her finances when you contact the LA, there will be a financial assessment sfter the care needs one - her husband also has a right to a carer's assessment
from those should come suggestions for a care package eg home care visits, time at a day care centre, respite, an OT visit to their home to suggest adaptions and aids that would be useful
do let your mil's GP, and consultant if she has one, know how things are, be completely honest, as some meds or a tweak of her current meds may help her settle
do be sure your dil is safe eg has a room to go to which has a lock on the door and a phone to hand - if he does feel unsafe, it's not a bad idea to call the police, they are more used to such situations than we realise and can make referrals to Social Services which is helpful
have a read round the forums as there is a lot of useful info here - and post with whatever is on your mind

 

[Daisy pie]

Hi @Fixer80, I was refered by a lady at the Alzeimers Society to the Admiral Nurses earlier on this year, the lady I saw was really good gave me lots of great advice, she also helped me with contacting social services, it was also great to have someone to talk to about everything (you can also phone the Admiral nurses / Dementia UK just to talk to them they are really helpful and have a lots of experience) Also recently I have had some help from DISC but I'm not sure if it available in other areas, and this forum is a life saver.
I had problems because my Mom thinks most of the time that I am just a stranger living in her house, she hasn't forgotton her daughter she thinks she is somewhere else and this has it caused so many problems.
My Mom gets really nasty, agitated and violent at times especially If I am trying to get her do something like take her medication, I supose because she thinks I am not her daughter she must think what right do I have to make her take them?
I totally sympathise it must be so hard for your FIL, although it's not the persons fault as they can't help it but it is very hard when someone you love is nasty and violent with you.
Shedrech's advice is very good especially about having a room you can lock and having a phone to call for help, my mom when she is being nasty/ violent has a lot of strength and it can be quite frightening.
I really hope you get some help for yourselves and your wife's parents soon.