What should I do?

[Grable]

My husband, 86, has been getting increasingly confused lately. He keeps telling me he's soon going to be going home to Britain - which is where we've lived together for the last 30 years. According to him, he's in the Middle East (where he worked for some years before I met him, and where he was very happy). He also believes other people are living in our house - which they aren't. This isn't a problem much of the time, as he hardly ever actually goes out, but sometimes he does need to go to the doctor's or the hospital and doesn't know how to get there because 'he's not at home'.
Apart from that, a propensity for sleep and the odd bit of forgetfulness, he seems fine.
He refuses to talk to the doctor about this - principally because he believes he's right and it's me who is confused - and has said that I mustn't raise it with his doctor, either.
We've just had another blazing row about this: he was getting anxious about finding his way to the hospital and I pointed out that he knows where the bus stop is, etc. He got cross about my 'going on about where he is.'
I still work - and need to for financial and mental health reasons (I'm in my early 60s) - so I can't be with him all the time. Once he leaves the house, he can find his way to where he needs to go. Should I correct him, or should I just bite my tongue and leave him to his mental wanderings?

I'm sure there are others who've been through similar things with their loved ones and would appreciate any advice from your experience.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @Grable

Should I correct him, or should I just bite my tongue and leave him to his mental wanderings?

I think you`ll find from the link below correcting is not effective

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Even though your husband refuses to talk to the doctor, you can, in confidence, just to start the ball rolling. The doctor will not disclose your conversation. Perhaps you could arrange a telephone consultation while you are at work.

 

[canary]

I always write to the doctors about my concerns because that way it will go into OHs records and will be seen next time he goes to the doctors. When I first started doing this it felt underhand, but I know that if I didnt do anything the doctors wouldnt get the information that they need as OH doesnt believe that he has anything wrong either.

 

[BuzzyBee]

Sorry to hear of your dilemma. I was in a similar situation a few months ago as noticed my husband was becoming more confused but he denied this and said it was me. He is 75 and I am mid50 and work. We went on holiday but he became very confused and thought other people were in the building which resulted in us having to return home the next morning. A couple of days later he asked when we were going on holiday. He became very confused after going on a coach day trip resulting in police and paramedics being called. He refused to see GP and so I sent in a letter with my concerns. He has reluct seen GP and following routine tests being referred to Memory Clinic. He sleeps a lot and is happy to stay at home watching tv. I’ve also noticed he is stooping and walks slowly, often a few paces behind me if we go out.