What is love

[treesarewonderful]

I am a rare contributor to this forum but I am an avid reader of the posts which make me cope better knowing I am not alone.
This morning I found it so difficult to cope with the verbal abuse about his birthday card which said the usual " with all my love". Apparently I should not have used these words as I don't show him love. Does keeping him clean, fed & always being there showing love. I have been so close to walking out many times as he treats me like a doormat. I find that nowadays I cannot even give him a hug. How can you still love someone who treats me so badly?

 

[DeeCee7]

Hello @treesarewonderful I am pleased you find reading posts on here helpful, I certainly have. I don’t think you can love someone who has changed out of all recognition and treats you so badly. Love isn’t always unconditional, and you can fall out of love. Dementia has crushed the love and left anger, frustration, resentment, sorrow ( I could go on) in its place. Does it have to be like this? There’s no shame in throwing in the towel and saying you have had enough. By just exploring the possibilities this could give you hope for the future. Sending you my very best wishes.

 

[SeaSwallow]

@treesarewonderful I am so pleased that although you do not post regularly that you find the forum supportive and feel that you are not so alone.
It must have been so hurtful having to endure verbal abuse because of a birthday card especially being told that you do not love him. People with dementia lose empathy and do not appreciate what their carers/loved ones do for them on a regular basis and that they do it out of love.
You ask how you can still love someone who treats you so badly, it can be hard but at times like that I think that it's good to try to remember how the person was before dementia struck, not easy I know.

 

[ChaceSoto]

All people have their own love words. For some, it's enough just to say it, while others prefer actions.

 

[Kevinl]

I promised for better or worse when we got married, I'm a man my word it appears.
I did it for her because I know she would have done it for me too had it been the other way round. K