What do you think? I need your ideas please. Non dementia related.

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by starryuk, Dec 17, 2015.

  1. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    1,299
    I am having second thoughts...

    A good friend very sadly lost her 24 year old son to Leukaemia this summer. At the moment she finds comfort in little 'signs' that he is watching over her and looks constantly at a small photo of him on the mantelpiece.

    Unbeknown to my friend, I have had a copy of this photo enlarged and put on canvas. It was/is a Christmas present, but a couple of people have suggested that it is not wise to give it to her and that something frivolous and unrelated would be better.

    The last thing I want is to make things worse for her, so I would value any of your thoughts please if possible. It has left me confused and wondering....am I being completely insensitive?
     
  2. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,085
    Brazil
    Can you ask her? If she would like a picture or a unrelated item.
     
  3. Suzanna1969

    Suzanna1969 Registered User

    Mar 28, 2015
    346
    Essex
    Personally I would save your lovely gift for NEXT year. At the moment the loss is too raw.

    This year how about getting her a voucher for a spa treatment and making sure you are free to go with her at the time? Or, if that's not her bag, theatre tickets for a comedy show?
     
  4. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    I think it's a lovely thing to do, it may be too soon for your friend or maybe she would cherish your picture.
    Perhaps you could ask her in a way that wouldn't let her know you have done the picture for her.
     
  5. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,237
    Female
    England
    I too think it is a wonderful idea but I would hold onto it for a while longer and get something else for Christmas.
     
  6. meme

    meme Registered User

    Aug 29, 2011
    1,955
    Female
    London
    I have lost my mother and my brother in the last couple of years...I immediately had recent and past photos framed and some enlarged and put them in pride of place in my front room...I needed that closeness...so I think it would be a well received present for this Christmas...
     
  7. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    1,299
    Thank you everyone for your thoughts.:)

    Meme, that is how I was thinking initially, but most of you feel it is too soon, so I have decided to ask first (in a surreptitious way) and be guided by my friend's response.

    Wishing you all a peaceful and happy Christmas.x.
     
  8. jeany123

    jeany123 Registered User

    Mar 24, 2012
    19,049
    Durham
    I think it is a lovely idea, what a nice thoughtful thing to buy, I would give her it but thats just my opinion,
     
  9. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    167
    West Sussex
    #9 Candlelight 67, Dec 18, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 18, 2015
    The Christmas after my Father died I decided to give my Mother a photo of my father framed. I asked her to look one out and she chose one of them both on a very memorable holiday. For the first few years she kept it in her bedroom and never commented on it. Now it is in the living room and she loves looking at it.

    I would ask your friend first. It's such a lovely thought of yours. With my Mother I think I gave it to her a little early. Losing a child is totally different than being widowed.
     
  10. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    I would be touched to have such a caring friend. Go with your instincts.
     
  11. starryuk

    starryuk Registered User

    Nov 8, 2012
    1,299
    update

    I just wanted to update you. Following all your advice/thoughts, I kept the picture and sent my friend another present. As you said, it seemed too raw to open the picture on Christmas day.

    Instead, I arranged to go down to visit her yesterday. After a while, I mentioned the picture which I had left in the car and asked her if she would like to see it or whether it should wait for another time, which I completely understood.

    She was happy to have it and we spent some time walking round the house deciding where would be the most appropriate place for it. In the end it is to be placed in the hall at the bottom of the stairs. She said that way she could look at him every morning as she came downstairs. A lovely idea.

    So all has ended well. Thank you all. xx
     
  12. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,056
    GLASGOW
    What a kind and thoughtful friend you are. So many herechave faced the death of a loved one. Gestures like yours are never forgotten.
     

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