What do you say?

[ceggs]

Hey all, been a few weeks since I’ve ranted. So many here are suffering so I decided to deal with things by myself.
But I do have one question and I’m not sure if I’m answering rightly.
Mum has an afternoon nap(which I encourage otherwise she will be up all night). After her afternoon nap, majority of the time she thinks it’s morning to the borderline of an argument. Yesterday, she jokingly said “perhaps I should take the Alzheimer’s test!!” Quick reply from me told her she has and has dementia. She wasn’t upset, triggered a thought which has gone today. Do I tell her she has Dementia? Do I remind her? Half the time I’m battling her with things such as bills.. (she doesn’t even know what a kitchen is now!) but states she’s still right etc. I call myself a dustpan and brush. Clearing up and sorting the mess she’s adamant that’s right
just a few thoughts x

 

[Kevinl]

Just say I love you and get on with, my mum cared for me unconditionally when I was a child, why wouldn't do the same for her.
It is hard but I did for them (wife and mum) what I know they're done for me too.
Bit your not the "dustpan and brush" us carers are just the ones picking up the pieces and trying to move on, somehow. L

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

Hey all, been a few weeks since I’ve ranted. So many here are suffering so I decided to deal with things by myself.
But I do have one question and I’m not sure if I’m answering rightly.
Mum has an afternoon nap(which I encourage otherwise she will be up all night). After her afternoon nap, majority of the time she thinks it’s morning to the borderline of an argument. Yesterday, she jokingly said “perhaps I should take the Alzheimer’s test!!” Quick reply from me told her she has and has dementia. She wasn’t upset, triggered a thought which has gone today. Do I tell her she has Dementia? Do I remind her? Half the time I’m battling her with things such as bills.. (she doesn’t even know what a kitchen is now!) but states she’s still right etc. I call myself a dustpan and brush. Clearing up and sorting the mess she’s adamant that’s right
just a few thoughts x

If your Mum has been diagnosed, she will probably have been told that she has dementia at the memory clinic. Mine was told and by the time we got home, she'd lost the conversation.

So will reminding her of her dementia do any good? You know your Mum best but I'd suggest that this would do more harm than good.

The last part of your post, suggests that you need help from carers. As you're in Wales, you need to go through social services as regardless of your Mum's funds, the maximum she'll pay is £100 a week for up to 4 X 1 hour visits a day.

You are not and never have been responsible for your Mother's care.

 

[ceggs]

Still waiting for memory clinic. Been 3 months now since the scan. shrinkage of the brain and a significant mark on the right side. she failed the assessment test. Mums on basic pension and is not entitled to pension credit . I can’t claim yet. I’m living off my savings as I gave up work 4 months ago. So £100 a week from just over £900 a month is far from plausible. This isn’t about physical care. She’s no danger to herself as she has no recollection what a kitchen is! I may joke and I don’t mean to make light of my situation. Psychologically it’s hard

 

[My Mum's Daughter]

Still waiting for memory clinic. Been 3 months now since the scan. shrinkage of the brain and a significant mark on the right side. she failed the assessment test. Mums on basic pension and is not entitled to pension credit . I can’t claim yet. I’m living off my savings as I gave up work 4 months ago. So £100 a week from just over £900 a month is far from plausible. This isn’t about physical care. She’s no danger to herself as she has no recollection what a kitchen is! I may joke and I don’t mean to make light of my situation. Psychologically it’s hard

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear, that the maximum that anyone pays. If your Mum is low income and has little savings, she'll pay very small amount or more probably nothing.
You may think no "physical care" but someone coming in to do the cleaning and covering you on a day of rest, just has to be a positive. Once we got some help, I used to take Saturdays off and left a meal to be reheated for lunch and enough food for breakfast and tea. It helped me to keep my sanity for just a little longer.

You also need to chase the memory clinic for diagnosis then ask then to visit to help you to apply for attendance allowance. Attendance allowance should make it pretty easy for you to get carers allowance; not a fortune but it helps. If you drive, memory clinic should also give you a letter to support an application for a blue badge

 

[ceggs]

If your Mum has been diagnosed, she will probably have been told that she has dementia at the memory clinic. Mine was told and by the time we got home, she'd lost the conversation.

So will reminding her of her dementia do any good? You know your Mum best but I'd suggest that this would do more harm than good.

The last part of your post, suggests that you need help from carers. As you're in Wales, you need to go through social services as regardless of your Mum's funds, the maximum she'll pay is £100 a week for up to 4 X 1 hour visits a day.

You are not and never have been responsible for your Mother's care.

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear, that the maximum that anyone pays. If your Mum is low income and has little savings, she'll pay very small amount or more probably nothing.
You may think no "physical care" but someone coming in to do the cleaning and covering you on a day of rest, just has to be a positive. Once we got some help, I used to take Saturdays off and left a meal to be reheated for lunch and enough food for breakfast and tea. It helped me to keep my sanity for just a little longer.

You also need to chase the memory clinic for diagnosis then ask then to visit to help you to apply for attendance allowance. Attendance allowance should make it pretty easy for you to get carers allowance; not a fortune but it helps. If you drive, memory clinic should also give you a letter to support an application for a blue badge

Than you for your advice

 

[canary]

Do you have to have a diagnosis to get Attendance Allowance in Wales? You certainly dont in England.

Get someone like AgeUK to help you fill in the form as its very easy to understate their problems and difficulties. It isnt just about physical needs - its about skills loss and constantly needing to be prompted, reminded and watched over when doing things. You have to fill in the form explaining what its like on their worst day (I was told this by someone from DWP)

 

[Calon Lan]

Hi @ceggs

Do I tell her she has Dementia? Do I remind her?

I tell my mum she has “problems with her memory” or something similar. She has never accepted or understood that she has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. If I had told her she would have forgotten very quickly. She was told at the memory clinic when she was diagnosed and had forgotten by the time we got home.

It’s now nearly five years since my mum was diagnosed. She rarely knows that she is unwell and very rarely asks me about her illness.

You know your mum best. If telling her she has dementia causes any problems at all then you don’t need to tell her that.