Hello, I have just joined. My 92 year old mother seems to be suffering from dementia, the symptoms of which are exacerbated by almost continual UTI'S, despite a prophylactic anti-biotic. My problem is, the psycho-geriatric hospital need to assess her. Her social worker and I are encouraging her to go to the day hospital twice a week, but she is being very difficult about attending. She has been three times out of five, once with me for her initial assessment. It is like having a child trying to get out of going to school. I reached breaking point last week, when I told her that if she didn't go, and if she needed help further down the line, she may not get it as she hasn't been assessed. Up until that point I had tried to cushion her from her condition, I still can't come out and say 'you probably have dementia'. I did however say that she is very confused, forgetful and has started seeing people at home again- all of which may be able to be helped by taking medication, but she needs to be assessed first. She was still being very resistant, so I told her that if she gets worse I can't do anything about it, as I am at the end of my tether and she will be in her home sad, depressed and scared. I felt awful after I'd said it, but I was trying to shock her into understanding something of her situation. She did go to the hospital once after I'd said that, but didn't go yesterday as she said she had vomited and was unwell. As I was the only one she'd said this to, I think it may well have been an excuse. This morning I received a phone call from her main carer to say Mum was trying to get out of the house to go to a Christmas party [organised by Age Link]. I immediately phoned her and she was very confused, saying she had to find a way of getting out to get to the party. I tried to explain that it was only 8.30am and a car was coming for her at 11am. This took some understanding as she was ready to go and had forgotten about the car coming. She seemed to be concerned about getting the front door open. Once she understood, she then asked crossly what she was to do in the time she had to wait. I suggested with exasperation in my voice, that she could read a book or read her paper, or start writing her memories down which we had spoken about. I also reminded her to wear a pad, as she has become doubly incontinent. She was obviously upset and cross with me so said she was ringing off. I was left feeling cross, frustrated and feeling I could have handled it better. So sorry to have gone on like this, but I'd really appreciate some advice on what to say to her regarding the dementia. Should I be honest? How can I stop myself becoming exasperated when talking to her? We had a lovely day together on Thursday, but when she is on her own, she gets into a state and is hard to calm down over the phone. She positively refuses to consider residential care, even respite care, although when I spoke to her a month or so ago, she was accepting of respite at least. She then had to be hospitalised for two weeks due to extreme disorientation and distress due to a massive UTI. She has now been out of hospital 3 weeks and is suffering from another UTI. She has three carers a day and Meals on Wheels. Looking forward to hearing some words of advice, I really feel as if I can't cope much longer and dread the phone ringing. My relationship with my husband and 14 year old son is suffering also.