what do I do?

[Lavender45]

Today mum walked out of her luncheon club and got lost. The club phoned me to tell me that she had gone, they said they'd caught her on her way out twice, but the third time she got out without them spotting her. Mum only started going to this club at the start of the year and the bottom line is she doesn't want to go.

I rang mum and got a load of abuse because she'd gotten lost. Got her to go to the corner of a road and to tell me the name of the road on the sign and went and collected her.

Mum is refusing to go to the club anymore, immaterial as they won't have her. I have rung social services as we don't have a social worker at the moment and I'm waiting for a call back.

Mum won't accept carers under any guise and she won't stay in the club (having gone walk about). She can't remember where she lives more often than not. Home to mum is mostly her childhood home which was demolished about 50 years ago. To add to my difficulties she won't accept any need for POA. I've tried to explain why POA and help is needed, but she told me to f***off.

I really don't know what to do. I gave up work to care for her, but I'm not tolerant enough to do this 24/7. I need a bit of me time, but mum is determined to make sure I have none. I know I'm being unfair and that its the dementia which means there's no reasoning with her, but I feel so trapped. Social services will ring back at some point, but what can they or I do when she's in complete denial and sees no reason for any help whatsoever.

I've not explained this very well, I just don't know where we go from here.

 

[marionq]

When this happened last year with my husband the police were involved and made a report each time. Social services took the view he had to go into a care home for his own safety and I began looking for somewhere suitable. At the same time his medication was increased and he became easier to handle. Thus far I am keeping him at home but if this started again I am afraid he would have to go into a CH.

The stress is unbearable and I wish you well.

 

[Beate]

What about day care? She wouldn't be able to escape from the one OH goes to. You've done the right thing, calling SS. They have to step up and provide suitable care, and you can't be expected to do it all yourself. In the meantime, you could look into trackers so she can't get lost anywhere anymore?

What can you do if someone is resistant to help? You can get her mental (in)capacity officially determined and if she has no mental capacity anymore, a best interest meeting between you and SS could determine support options.

 

[Lavender45]

When this happened last year with my husband the police were involved and made a report each time. Social services took the view he had to go into a care home for his own safety and I began looking for somewhere suitable. At the same time his medication was increased and he became easier to handle. Thus far I am keeping him at home but if this started again I am afraid he would have to go into a CH.

The stress is unbearable and I wish you well.

You are right, I've never been so stressed in my life. Mum is sabotaging every bit of help, she's nasty and argumentative, in fact the other day she tried to set our dog on me. He's daft as they come, there was no chance he'd do it, but its not normal is it. I hadn't considered her medication, at the moment she takes doneprezil, maybe there is something else they could give her. I feel I should be coping, but I'm not. I'm not even thinking straight. Thank you for making me think about her medication, maybe that's the way forward

Lavender x

 

[Lavender45]

What about day care? She wouldn't be able to escape from the one OH goes to. You've done the right thing, calling SS. They have to step up and provide suitable care, and you can't be expected to do it all yourself. In the meantime, you could look into trackers so she can't get lost anywhere anymore?

What can you do if someone is resistant to help? You can get her mental (in)capacity officially determined and if she has no mental capacity anymore, a best interest meeting between you and SS could determine support options.

Thank you that is definitely I've been wondering about. It feels all kinds of wrong having her judged incapable, but she certainly cannot see the big picture. What needs to be done must be done I guess and like reviewing the medication it does seem the way forward.

Thank you again x