What did our mums or dads do?

[Izzy]

It's been interesting to read about all the jobs and careers on this thread. My own parents had much humbler backgrounds than many mentioned here. My mother was a spinner in a jute mill and my father was originally a labourer then a museum attendant. During the war my father was a sailor on the Atlantic convoys. They worked extremely hard all their lives to give me and my brother the excellent upbringing we received. Education was paramount in my parents' values. My mother in particular was determined that we would have what she saw as a'good' education. As a result we both ended up in education for our own careers and did well. I know she was proud of us.

My father died from emphysema 30 years ago at the age of 67. My mother died almost 3 years ago with Vascular Dementia at the age of 93. She lived with us for the last 5 years of her life.

They got married in 1938 and this is their wedding photo.

 

[Saffie]

On the same theme as Izzy's parents wanting to give their children a good education, my grandfather on my father's side was a miner in South Wales. Of his children, my father, as already mentioned became a teacher and his older brother a minister. The 4 girls all became teachers too apart from one who worked in an office.

My grandfather on my mother's side was a postman who graduated to working in the sorting office with a diversion to the trenches in WW1. He knew where every town was in the British Isles, we could never catch him out! My mother nursed but both her brothers became teachers and later headmasters.
The way up in Wales seemed to be via teaching or the ministry.
We always said what boring relatives we had!
Reading here, I think that has been reaffirmed!

 

[dottyd]

Reading 2 jays account, made me realise that I'm always full of admiration for people who upped sticks and emigrated.

We nearly did. My dad met someone who went to Rhodesia and for a while he looked into it. I can remember feeling excited at the thought and also being scared of leaving friends and my lovely nana and auntie. Maybe if I'd had siblings it might have been better but at the end of the day my dad was a very conservative man and emigrating to somewhere he'd probably never even heard of in school was just a stretch too far.

My dad never had a great education. He got scarlet fever aged 13 and went to a specialist school. He was a clever man but just never had the opportunity, something he regretted all his life.

He followed his father into the railway and after he married mum joined one of the new chemical companies.

What he was very good at was speaking up for himself and others. It earned him a bit of a reputation. People either liked him or not. There was only black or white with my dad, no grey.

He wasn't one for spending on the house. Don't get me wrong it was always neat and tidy. He bought quality items and expected them to last for decades. Lol. He did like cars and holidays though. We were the first family to have a car in the street and we always took two holidays a year. One on the south coast and the second one in Wales. He always took mum socialising and when it became popular to dine out, they did that frequently.

He loved his grandchildren . He took my son fishing in a boat he bought. He would take them into the country for the day and buy some sausages and take a little stove and they would cook them al fresco.

If he was given bad service or something wasn't right he would always complain. I'm just like him in that respect. In latter years he and mum would travel to las Vegas twice a year. He liked a flutter but mum liked to gamble on the roulette. He thought life was all for enjoying. He took early retirement at age 60 and became a magistrate. He loved that. I think he felt it made up for his earlier lack of education. He hated fining single mums for not having a tv licence. If they were already struggling what was the point of putting more hardship on them. He made sure they got the least fine of £25.

He worked for the red cross and st johns ambulance and was a dab hand at helping people with their painting, decorating and woodwork.

He made sure I got a good education...lol

As I get older, I seem to be learning more and more about him, as I see how alike we are or I have become. I'm so glad he took early retirement as he passed suddenly aged 70 ( looking only about 60) of a fatal heart attack.

Gosh. I've wittered on. He's been gone 18 years and I miss him so much now. We clashed a lot but it's only as I'm reaching his age that I've gotten what he was all about!

 

[Padraig]

This thread gives us an insight as to who we are and from whence we came. Unlike most people I knew little or nothing of who my family were. It is only recently I chose to research both my background and that of those I was/am related to.

All of my life I've been running from my past and I'm pleased I did. Now I'm still attempting to come to terms with my discovery.
My father a young man of 20 was forced to marry because the 25 year old woman was pregnant. Shortly after the child was born she vanished and he placed the girl child in the care of his parents. His father and grand father worked as keepers at Dublin Zoo. Later his wife returned and he took her in. They had two further children, boys. Both of them died with-in two weeks of each other; one at two and a half the other about nine months old. Later on they had a second daughter and five years later I arrived.
My father was a vehicle mechanic/driver; bear in mind it was the late 1920 early 30s. In the great depression he was out of work and was offered work in the UK. They both came to an arrangement that my sister and I would be cared for by his parents. Her parents and family disowned her. He left her sufficient money with all his tools to sell till his first pay was due.
After six months the mother approached his family and insisted on having her children. The grandmother handed over the young girl and me, but refused to part with the oldest girl as she had raised from the infancy.
Six months later she reported to SS that her husband had deserted the family and failed to support them. As a result, the then seven year old and I age two were brought before Dublin DC and charged with begging. The judge sentenced her to 9 years and me to 14 years. She was detained near Dublin while I was moved some 70 miles away.
When my father returned to Ireland he was arrested and charged with desertion and failing to support his family. Under cross-examination, the mother admitted that she had lied at the original court hearing. All charges were dropped and when the judge asked if he was willing to accept his wife back he agreed. With-in a week she vanished again. The Garda (police) brought her back, but he only allowed her to stay over night.
Some months later she turned up at a mother's and baby unit with a new born baby (not the fathers). The staff at the unit looked after the child while she went out to work.
One day she took the child with her and returned without him. When questioned she refused to tell where the child was. The police found the child. She had given it to a family she worked for! Eventually she managed to give the child to a Protestant organisation for adoption.
The father spent years fighting to regain custody of his two children. He managed to obtain his young daughter out on licence. The mother discovered that both her daughters were attending a Protestant School and reported the matter to the authorities. The licence was revoked, but the father refused to return the girl and continued to fight for my release.
His legal team advised him he would stand a better chance of obtaining my release if he were to return the girl. Letters flowed between my father, the Inspector of Schools and his legal representatives. In the end because of his refusal to agree to his children receive a Religious education, he was never permitted access to me. Both of the parents were permitted regular visit to the girl.
When he failed, he moved on with his life and took a common law wife and started a new life with five children.
I've so many Irish relatives I've never met. Is it any wonder that I should have cherished the girl I married and the family she provided me with.
Our 'parents' and their actions set the foundations of who we become. In my case a total misfit.
Sorry for such along spiel, but it is just a brief outlay. The complete story is much more shocking.

 

[dottyd]

Padraig, I'm so sorry. I was well aware not all of us have had a brilliant childhood.

Thank you for sharing your story and I hope no one finds the thread upsetting.

 

[Padraig]

dottyd,

No need to say sorry. Not having a childhood gave me many advantages as well as disadvantages. There would be no need for the word advantage without its opposite, disadvantage.
The main disadvantage I encounter is the inability to fit into society; I'm a misfit in so many ways. One example is truly understanding birthdays. I never knew my date of birth till I was past 17. Receiving presents at Christmas or other time of the year I knew nothing of. The very first present I ever received was a pair of socks. It was the second Christmas following my release. What I did with the socks, I can't repeat.
Gifts and flowers I bought my wife on impulse. When she asked; "Why" the answer; "Why wait for birthdays?"
The advantages of a loveless childhood are many. You learn to rely on your own instincts you learn to do things your way. You take control of your life.
Some social boundaries you either don't know or ignore. For someone who started out without an education, family or home I've managed very well and had a very successful life. Where nurture was missing, nature stepped in; natural instincts served me well.

 

[dottyd]

dottyd,

No need to say sorry. Not having a childhood gave me many advantages as well as disadvantages. There would be no need for the word advantage without its opposite, disadvantage.
The main disadvantage I encounter is the inability to fit into society; I'm a misfit in so many ways. One example is truly understanding birthdays. I never knew my date of birth till I was past 17. Receiving presents at Christmas or other time of the year I knew nothing of. The very first present I ever received was a pair of socks. It was the second Christmas following my release. What I did with the socks, I can't repeat.
Gifts and flowers I bought my wife on impulse. When she asked; "Why" the answer; "Why wait for birthdays?"
The advantages of a loveless childhood are many. You learn to rely on your own instincts you learn to do things your way. You take control of your life.
Some social boundaries you either don't know or ignore. For someone who started out without an education, family or home I've managed very well and had a very successful life. Where nurture was missing, nature stepped in; natural instincts served me well.

That is so uplifting. Great to hear.

 

[CJinUSA]

Padraig,

I love your life story and I'm very happy that you have been willing to share it with us all. You had a difficult childhood, and you created an amazing life out of most unforgiving circumstances. Thank you for sharing your book with us all. I have now read it and find it very interesting and helpful.

Your wife and family life - you talk about them so well.

dottyd,

No need to say sorry. Not having a childhood gave me many advantages as well as disadvantages. There would be no need for the word advantage without its opposite, disadvantage.
The main disadvantage I encounter is the inability to fit into society; I'm a misfit in so many ways. One example is truly understanding birthdays. I never knew my date of birth till I was past 17. Receiving presents at Christmas or other time of the year I knew nothing of. The very first present I ever received was a pair of socks. It was the second Christmas following my release. What I did with the socks, I can't repeat.
Gifts and flowers I bought my wife on impulse. When she asked; "Why" the answer; "Why wait for birthdays?"
The advantages of a loveless childhood are many. You learn to rely on your own instincts you learn to do things your way. You take control of your life.
Some social boundaries you either don't know or ignore. For someone who started out without an education, family or home I've managed very well and had a very successful life. Where nurture was missing, nature stepped in; natural instincts served me well.

 

[CJinUSA]

I have enjoyed this thread immensely.

My father was a Navy Lieutenant during WWII. He was a safety officer, primarily, on aircraft carriers. After the war, he owned his own business, not surprisingly, in insurance - I don't know anyone who was more risk-averse than my father! He taught his daughters how to do "boy's" tasks, from mowing the grass and cutting down trees to checking out engines and so forth. My most pleasurable memories are of sailing with him - he was a skilled navigator, could show us how to test the winds, press the boat's limits, and reach our destination even in the most trying crosswinds. He died from vascular dementia in 1993, a terrible, terrible, angry, frustrated death, his was. My mother lives with us still. She was always a homemaker and mother primarily. She sewed all our clothes from the time we could crawl until the time we got married. She made our wedding dresses! She could make overcoats, jackets, ties, caps, and everything in between except under garments! She taught us how to cook and bake all sorts of pies, cakes, cookies, and pastries. She taught us how to live with patience some difficult childhood and adult moments. She was not really a good mother until we were teenagers, and she could share her skills with us. But what she shared, she had gained all by herself. Her mother knew only rudiments and could not speak English well, and my mother never learned her mother's native Italian language. She did not have an easy life, early on, but she has had a good one, since.

 

[creativesarah]

Some of my dads past is too sensitive to talk about and my sister doesn't know as much of the whole story as I do! Although I am sure my sister knows some things that I don't!

My dad worked for an antique dealer before he was called up in the war. He then worked in shipping for the P&O and a couple of other shipping firms until he was in his early 50's when my Mum's death and inheritance meant he didn't need to work anymore so he then opened his own antique shop until he became too ill to run the shop anymore.

My mother worked in offices and was a dab hand at making the tea and got a 10/- pay rise for her skills in that area. She left work when she got married and brought my sister and I up. She was a very good cook. She then trained at Revlon to be a manicurist and having done the course placed an advert in the local paper. A man rang up asking "How much the extra's cost?" She never did manicuring again. After she and my dad split up she worked in shops and loved it, my grandparents were entrepreneur's and my papa was brought up in abject poverty in the East End of London but by the age of 18 had his own shop and my grandmother had her own shop too so they married and bought a bigger shop and later bought properties in London and Essex.
She became a receptionist at a doctors too, sadly she died of breast cancer aged 51
Amazingly she and my dad got back together for the last 2 years of her life.

 

[dottyd]

I have enjoyed this thread immensely.

My father was a Navy Lieutenant during WWII. He was a safety officer, primarily, on aircraft carriers. After the war, he owned his own business, not surprisingly, in insurance - I don't know anyone who was more risk-averse than my father! He taught his daughters how to do "boy's" tasks, from mowing the grass and cutting down trees to checking out engines and so forth. My most pleasurable memories are of sailing with him - he was a skilled navigator, could show us how to test the winds, press the boat's limits, and reach our destination even in the most trying crosswinds. He died from vascular dementia in 1993, a terrible, terrible, angry, frustrated death, his was. My mother lives with us still. She was always a homemaker and mother primarily. She sewed all our clothes from the time we could crawl until the time we got married. She made our wedding dresses! She could make overcoats, jackets, ties, caps, and everything in between except under garments! She taught us how to cook and bake all sorts of pies, cakes, cookies, and pastries. She taught us how to live with patience some difficult childhood and adult moments. She was not really a good mother until we were teenagers, and she could share her skills with us. But what she shared, she had gained all by herself. Her mother knew only rudiments and could not speak English well, and my mother never learned her mother's native Italian language. She did not have an easy life, early on, but she has had a good one, since.

My mum was also a brilliant seamstress too and I have piked up a bit of her talent but not in the sme league a her or your own mum.

I wouldn't want to make men's clothing for eg.

Oh, the shame, I've never even made my grand daughter a dress!

 

[dottyd]

My mum was also a brilliant seamstress too and I have piked up a bit of her talent but not in the sme league a her or your own mum.

I wouldn't want to make men's clothing for eg.

Oh, the shame, I've never even made my grand daughter a dress!

Just giving this a bump in case any newcomers would like to add to it.

 

[katem8498]

de;eted

 

[Padraig]

The one thing my wife and I had in common was we could both make clothes. She started work in a clothing factory at 14, while I began work in the sowing room at the Detention Centre at age ten. We darned socks, as well as made them on machines and finished them off by knitting the ends. We made and repaired clothing for all the other kids (800 in all), shirts, coats etc.

Later I was moved on the work on the farm, then the poultry farm. That was the best job, as I could steal some of the chicken's food. Ours was a separate world where we went barefoot in the Summers of the 1930s and used slates in class to write on. Conformity was the norm then, us left-handed kids had that curse eliminated with a good beating.
There may have been many disadvantages of not having a childhood, but the advantages have proved enormous. The lack of a formal education allowed me to approach life's challenges in my own unconventional manner.
I'm still learning much by reading the many posts of family members raised in a normal society, it's a world I've never known. The one thing I have in common here is the world of AD, even then my perspective was/is different when it came to look after my wife. It was to be my way, or not at all.
The reason I came on this site was to relate my experience on the subject. Now I'm not so sure, as I do not think along conventional lines, but I do feel comfortable with the results.
Life has been good to me as I achieved my life's goals by age 54 to live in comfort. Sadly we were not to live the winter of our lives together, AD saw to that.
Attached is a photo of our daughters in Singapore wearing the dresses my wife made.

 

[Fhvn]

My OH was a magician, that's how I twigged he had a problem - he forgot the tricks.



Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[jeany123]

Lovely picture Padraig what pretty girls, handsome boy as well

Aw Fhvn that is so sad,

 

[scorpion46]

My dad worked as a farm labourer over great wakering in essex,after moving to Hockley he worked on a nursery ,he used to be in charge of the boilers and fork lift trucks.they was nothing he didn't know about them and could fix them all,and all self taught.
He was very good with his hands, making many horse and carts of times past,all in great detail.
Mum used to work for woolworths in southend,she would often tell us about the men who chatted her up at work, she would make dates with them,telling them to meet her on a certain street corner, then after work she would walk along the other end of the road, she them standing waiting at the other end and then go home or out with the girls from work,who all did the same I gather.
After raising five sons she returned to work for a short period until her diabetis got the better of her, sadly she passed away two years ago.

 

[dottyd]

The one thing my wife and I had in common was we could both make clothes. She started work in a clothing factory at 14, while I began work in the sowing room at the Detention Centre at age ten. We darned socks, as well as made them on machines and finished them off by knitting the ends. We made and repaired clothing for all the other kids (800 in all), shirts, coats etc.

Later I was moved on the work on the farm, then the poultry farm. That was the best job, as I could steal some of the chicken's food. Ours was a separate world where we went barefoot in the Summers of the 1930s and used slates in class to write on. Conformity was the norm then, us left-handed kids had that curse eliminated with a good beating.
There may have been many disadvantages of not having a childhood, but the advantages have proved enormous. The lack of a formal education allowed me to approach life's challenges in my own unconventional manner.
I'm still learning much by reading the many posts of family members raised in a normal society, it's a world I've never known. The one thing I have in common here is the world of AD, even then my perspective was/is different when it came to look after my wife. It was to be my way, or not at all.
The reason I came on this site was to relate my experience on the subject. Now I'm not so sure, as I do not think along conventional lines, but I do feel comfortable with the results.
Life has been good to me as I achieved my life's goals by age 54 to live in comfort. Sadly we were not to live the winter of our lives together, AD saw to that.
Attached is a photo of our daughters in Singapore wearing the dresses my wife made.

How beautiful.

I often don't think along conventional lines either maybe because I had too much of a formal education or maybe I just got more arsey as I got older. I tend to like to think I'm acting more like my dad. These days you'd call it being ' more dog '!

I like to really push the envelope.

I loved turning 60. The filters came off and I can say or do what I like to please myself.

If people don't like it....they can do one!

( actually, I'm a pussycat really....just don't back me into a corner.....!)