What community spirit?

[annlbaker]

My husband has A.D. so I feel that I have some insight into what is needed in this case.
My mother has a friend who has symptoms of A. D. The lady in question is 91 years old and living in a flat owned by a local trust. There is not a resident warden but they are visited three times a week. The lady I shall call her E has been a loyal member of her local church, has no immediate family and has recently had a problems her leg. She uses a zimmer frame to get about. She is very independant and insists that she needs no help from social services.
E has a lady who cleans for her and this lady also often washes her clothes and does some shopping for her(above and beyond what she would normally do) My mother often asks us to get for E some of the basics,bread,tea,milk etc. Sometimes E does not know where her money is to pay but that is not a problem as we know that at sometime later she will remember and bring it in.
The local church lady and the warden from the trust are now telling us not to help E in getting in these items and also telling the cleaner not to help E with her washing.
As I have some knowledge of how this would affect E if we suddenly abandoned our little bits of help I feel that it would be wrong to do so. My Mother has been her friend for years could not suddenly refuse her help. Indeed my mother is most upset at the thought.
Is there any advice anyone can offer. I feel that the community are letting E down. I feel that abandoning her is seen by some as a way to cause a crisis to force E into a position where she has to accept more help.She is still very aware of not wanting people to take over her life. What a shame that old time neighbourliness is seen as making things worse.

 

[jackie1]

What are their reasons for this? It seems hard hearted in the extreme.

All I can suggest is speaking to Social Services and raising your concerns or maybe talking again with the Church Lady and the warden. Asking you to abandon a friend is a very strange request.

 

[jude1950]

Hi Ann,

Without sounding harsh perhaps I can give some insight into the request from the Local Church lady and the Warden.

My Mother is in the early stages of dementia and last year was becoming very confused she still lives in her flat and has always been independant. We as a Family did try to get Mum to see a Doctor and we wanted to set up a contact system for the future should her dementia symptoms worsen.

Mum was increasingly reliant on a close neighbour and when we suggested having an assessment for her she would always say she did not need anything as this neighbour would do anything for her that was necessary.

In fact the neighbour was finding that Mum was asking too much of her and although she thought she was helping Mum she was in fact preventing us from getting Mum the medical help and social service input she needed.When we pointed this out to the neighbour she agreed to be less available and we got the help Mum needed ..Mum is doing Ok and as yet does not need too much she has a CPN and is on an annual review with the memory clinic also should she need to call on them she is now in "The System " and can access help if needed.

Perhaps the Warden has noticed with E that she needs or will need extra help but whilst Your Mum is helping her,with all the best intentions it is preventing E from realising what her needs are.

These are just other points of view and I hope I have not offended you or your Mum It may seem unkind or uncharitable
not to help E but in helping her too much you may be masking the real problem.

regards

Judith

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Ann

I can only echo what Judith has said.

The community is probably very concerned about E and unable to provide 24/7 help for her. I do not think any of them would want it on their conscience if E had an accident and was not found for a couple of hours. Hypothermia could easily set in with disastrous results.

Take care xx