How true it is that everyone is different. Apart from steadily worsening arthritis and consequent mobility problems, my mum had no health issues until her late 80s. In fact, we thought she was one of the lucky ones as my MIL had dementia which was our main family worry for several years. MIL and FIL died within a few weeks of each other (FIl's own health totally wrecked by the stresses of caring and his refusal to have essential treatment because it would mean leaving MIL with someone else).
We retired, took a deep breath, and within a few months things started to go downhill for mum. She was referred to memory clinic in January, by June she was doing dangerous things like leaving the gas on and was unable to do most simple household tasks, then she had a fall and never recovered any mobility. She moved into a care home in August where at least she was near for us to see family often, but she died in November. I remember the shock, as we had assumed she would be there for several years, but it was like she just 'gave up' and I can't say I blame her.
The care home decision is never easy, but it was helped for us by the facts that:
- mum constantly said she was lonely and miserable at home (and she was, once she could no longer get out as hardly anyone visited and all her family lived miles away)
- danger to herself and others
- she was self-funding so we didn't have to argue with SS or worry about what their budget was.
- when the crunch crisis came (triggered by another fall), we had already decided which care home we preferred so all we had to do was arrange her admission.
In our case it was an accumulation of small problems which very quickly became a mountain, but there always seems to be a 'tipping point'. So if you are already thinking about whether a care home might be needed, I would start looking and put your mum's name on a waiting list or two. You can always say 'no' if a place becomes available and you think the time is not yet right.
