Went to do dads assessment at residential home today.Respite.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by TNJJ, Oct 23, 2019.

  1. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    645
    Female
    cornwall
    I went and did dads assessment at the care home where he goes for once a month bath..They have a big room with a toilet in and views over the sea and headlands.It is lovely.(I used to work there)If he chooses not to come down he doesn’t have to.

    It is expensive but that is because he will have continence checks as he has now become doubly incontinent(no overnight care at home)
    I find even though I’m home on my off days there are still things that I need to do(paperwork etc).
    I’m dreaming of dad and everything at night and feeling stressed.
    Dad said he doesn’t ask for much .I agree he doesn’t.But in order for him to be able to go out and have food .I have to organise this.4 days a week my daughter shifts from her flat to my house and I move from my house to mums.(Dad has 1bedroom bungalow).So he technically doesn’t ask but this is what we do..
    Now to try and sell him a fortnight respite!!Mmmm!!
     
  2. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    95
    Hi @TNJJ - fingers crossed he accepts it. Hopefully the fact that you know it will help reassure him a little. It must be hugely reassuring to you too (and a room by the sea sounds lovely!).

    We are looking at putting Dad into respite for 2 weeks soon, though we're wondering if it's best not to tell him. And when he's there, we wondered if we should sell it as a trip to a hotel, or a trip to the doctors. He understands doctors etc as he's been to hospital a couple of times recently. He's absolutely glued to my mum at the moment so it's going to be all a bit stressful.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,712
    Female
    South coast
    I wouldnt tell him till the last minute as he will probably fret and become anxious.
    OH had respite earlier on this year and I sold it to him as a hotel. When mum moved into her care home I told her it was convalescence - doctors orders!. Both worked. Go for whichever you think he will accept best.
     
  4. Kay111

    Kay111 Registered User

    Sep 19, 2019
    95
    @canary - will give that a go, thank you. I'm trying to discourage her from it but Mum is talking about staying with him 24/7 for the first two or three days of the respite to settle him in a bit and so it's not so much of a shock. Not sure if that's even allowed. But maybe that way he'll think of it as a hotel (even if in this strange hotel mum will be sleeping in an armchair.)
     
  5. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    645
    Female
    cornwall
    Dads surgery has just phoned me back.They are going to talk to him about it and explain it to him(dad has capacity so cannot go in unless he agrees).I have explained it to them that I have had enough and need a break.(It has been 3years)They are going to say that if he doesn’t go in and something happens to me it could be permanent..Holding my breath as dad has never seen others point of view just his own..That has got worse..They are holding it for him until the end of next week..Fingers crossed..
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.