Well! Hello and welcome, Elizabeth Timmins

[Nutty Nan]

responsible and needed

Brucie,
My husband is at a much earlier stage than your wife, yet the 'responsible and needed' bit applies to him as much as it does to the residents in the care home - and this is my greatest challenge:
he doesn't need a sitter, or to be taken for walks (although he enjoys that too, to a point), but what's missing most in his life is a job, the self-esteem that comes from achievement and earning money etc. etc. The tricky bit is, of course, that he is unable to follow even the simplest of instructions, unless they are repeated several times, and possibly demonstrated, too. That's too much to ask of most people, even care organisations who charge do not have the necessary resources / staff / imagination to collaborate with me in setting up a fictitious 'job' such a regular shopping trip with someone who needs a helping hand with the heavy bags and would be prepared to 'pay' for this service (I would obviously fund that, on top of the fee they charge). The reason for trying to involve strangers is that the 'job satisfaction' would be so much greater if my husband felt he was able to 'earn' some money, rather than just helping me, which he does anyway.....
If anyone can give my inspiration a little nudge in the right direction, I'd be most grateful!

 

[Jude]

Dear Carmen,

My father is going through this stage too. Since he was a very practical person [woodwork/metalwork teacher] I buy him several very easy DIY kits for assembling garden planters and mini wheelbarrows. The instructions are easy to follow with diagrams. During the summer these were sold at a small profit on a friend's market stall, which has given us funds to buy more. It gives Dad something 'useful' to do and with a medium that he enjoys and the profit makes him feel like he has a 'wage'.

Jude

 

[Nutty Nan]

Dear Jude,
you paint a really cosy picture of your father assembling the kits, and the feel-good factor when you realise a little profit is exactly what I was talking about.
Tony has never been a diy man. He has collected books for many years (thousands of them, crammed in everywhere, including the loft, the garage, the spare room ....), and he used to enjoy doing monthly bookfairs, but now that reading has become difficult, and real comprehension is almost impossible, that hobby, which saw him through the first few years of retirement, has become a thing of the past.
You see: it's not hard to understand where all his feelings of uselessness and 'on the scrapheap' come from. The tough thing is that most people who hear his lament tell him how they can't wait to retire, and how lucky he is.
Things are not always what they seem, and (as has so often been said on this forum) you have to live with this disease to understand what it is like .....

 

[Jude]

Dear Carmen,

The construction projects have worked quite well so far, but I'm wondering for just how much longer, since Dad's attention span is becoming noticeably shorter now. Dad has never been a reader - that was Mum's forte. Like Tony, she can no longer do this either, although she doesn't suffer any feelings of inadequacy.

Anyway, like you, I've been wracking my brains for an alternative project for the winter months. We've also got stacks of books and old photos and I was tending to think that Dad might enjoy compiling an history of his local area complete with photos. He would need help with this, but it might give him an interest and also the enjoyment of looking at all the photos and choosing some to include in a 'book' that could possibly be published later on. Also it would be a project that they could both do together.

It's a really difficult situation isn't it? Attaining retirement is all very well, but then - what to gainfully do with all those hours? It's all very well for other people to be a little envious of relaxation, but it can become very wearing and tedious to have too much time on one's hands with nothing constructive to look forward to during the long days.

Jude

 

[Sheila]

We did a Grandma's diary along those lines. Mum enjoyed it and we had many a laugh doing it, glad we have it now. We have just given one to Andy's Mum and I think she is enjoying doing it. She is busy asking everyone to help and confirm memories etc too. Love She. XX

 

[Nutty Nan]

too much time on one's hands

Dear Jude,
your post reminded me of a lovely poem (which actually ties in with children rather than AD), which finishes with the lines
My hands, once busy, now lie still/The days ae long, and hard to fill.
This led me to read through some of the other things I have been filing away over the years, and I will post the most appropriate two on the 'poetry' part of TP.
They might be suitable for pinboards (whether care homes, offices or wherever), just as a little 'food for thought'.
Wishing you all a smooth Sunday.

 

[Jude]

Dear Carmen,

Nice line - and very appropriate indeed. Look forward to reading the poetry soon.

Hope you have a Lazy Sunday Afternoon - smooth would be VERY nice.........

Jude xx

 

[Sheila]

Hi all, be careful, thats another tune thread starting, we will all be at it again. Me? I'm just off ,"Cruising down the river, on a Sunday afternoon!" Love She. XX