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Welcome to Talking Point - introduce yourself here

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Martin's son

New member
Jun 1, 2018
3
Hi all,

My name is Eoin. My father was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. He also suffers from depression. His condition has deteriorated in many ways but he was never diagnosed with Alzeimer's, which we find confusing, because he has some very bad days.

I hope to interact with user's, share stories and help, if can.

Warm regards,
Eoin
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
8,787
leicester
Hi @Martin's son, Eoin welcome to TP but sorry you needed to find us.
Maybe now is the time to try and talk to the medics again, some medication can help slow the progression of Alzheimer’s for some people.
Also has someone got LPA’s financial and health and welfare in place this can be a good thing to do before capacity is lost.
Please keep interacting with us now you have found us.
 

Edu

Registered User
Jun 1, 2018
27
Hello everyone
I just joined this site yesterday. My mum is 85 and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 2 and a half years ago. We opted to care for Mum at home. We created a rota and care for Mum around the clock as she is unable to do many things herself. Only this week she deteriorated further. She developed a chest infection. Mum now cannot stand unaided. She has no sense of needing to use the bathroom. Is refusing food, drink and medication. This in itself is causing her to become aggressive. I don’t know what to expect in terms of her condition. Is Mum at the end of her journey? How long can she remain as she is with a few sips of water and three spoons maximum of food. I suppose I joined this forum because I don’t know what else to do.
 

Edu

Registered User
Jun 1, 2018
27
Hi @Martin's son, Eoin welcome to TP but sorry you needed to find us.
Maybe now is the time to try and talk to the medics again, some medication can help slow the progression of Alzheimer’s for some people.
Also has someone got LPA’s financial and health and welfare in place this can be a good thing to do before capacity is lost.
Please keep interacting with us now you have found us.
 

Edu

Registered User
Jun 1, 2018
27
Hi
I also found myself searching the internet for answers and came across this site. Why haven’t the nurses mentioned this site? I have already seen, it offers lots of support for carers. I hope someone out there can answer my questions.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
9,163
Yorkshire
hello @Edu
a warm welcome to TP
I am sorry to read that your mum's condition is such a concern - it sounds as though you are supporting her well

I wish more medics would mention TP, some do, as there is so much support and shared knowlegde here - as you will be finding out since you have already started a thread of your own
 

Tarantula

New member
Jun 2, 2018
1
Hi everyone, I’m new here and am looking for advice as to how to have my own life. I’ve been caring for my mother(87), for years, never had a rest. She now has mind problems, never knows what day it is and if you correct her she really turns nasty. Some days she doesn’t know me, others she’s fine. I’m a martial artist and fitness instructor and don’t want to give up my own life. If I’m out for too long, she’s distressed when I return complaining that she thought she’d just been dumped. She also thinks she’s just visiting when she’s been living with us here for seven years!
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,454
Merseyside
Hi everyone, I’m new here and am looking for advice as to how to have my own life. I’ve been caring for my mother(87), for years, never had a rest. She now has mind problems, never knows what day it is and if you correct her she really turns nasty. Some days she doesn’t know me, others she’s fine. I’m a martial artist and fitness instructor and don’t want to give up my own life. If I’m out for too long, she’s distressed when I return complaining that she thought she’d just been dumped. She also thinks she’s just visiting when she’s been living with us here for seven years!
Welcome to TP @Tarantula

Could you get carers in while you are at work or could your Mum go to a day centre?
 

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,708
North West
She now has mind problems, never knows what day it is and if you correct her she really turns nasty.
Hi Tarantula and welcome to TP.
It is probably better to try and avoid correcting your mum. Most people would probably get annoyed if they were corrected about something that, from their point-of-view, they knew to be true. Also, it's unlikely that she would remember.
 

kindred

Registered User
Apr 8, 2018
2,457
Welcome to TP @Tarantula

Could you get carers in while you are at work or could your Mum go to a day centre?
Welcome and thank you for posting. I cared alone for my OH for five years and it got bloody awful. I also managed to keep my job as a psychotherapist going all that time, using local care nurses. It worked well but always felt a risk as there were a few hours he was left alone. I so support you wanting to keep your life going, hold that thought because you may need to negotiate all kinds of things with social services etc. It is best to say that you CANNOT care full time because you are working. All strength to you.
 

Edu

Registered User
Jun 1, 2018
27
Hi everyone, I’m new here and am looking for advice as to how to have my own life. I’ve been caring for my mother(87), for years, never had a rest. She now has mind problems, never knows what day it is and if you correct her she really turns nasty. Some days she doesn’t know me, others she’s fine. I’m a martial artist and fitness instructor and don’t want to give up my own life. If I’m out for too long, she’s distressed when I return complaining that she thought she’d just been dumped. She also thinks she’s just visiting when she’s been living with us here for seven years!
 

Charlie 11

New member
Jun 2, 2018
4
Hi i am new to this my mother in-law who is 91 and who lived with me and my husband for 21 years had to go in to a nursing home wednesday it was just so sad as we had to take her she she was so mad with us and kicked up we were told not to visit for a while but we had no choice as she has dementia and needs full time care but it breaks my heart does it get any easier
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,556
N Ireland
Hi i am new to this my mother in-law who is 91 and who lived with me and my husband for 21 years had to go in to a nursing home wednesday it was just so sad as we had to take her she she was so mad with us and kicked up we were told not to visit for a while but we had no choice as she has dementia and needs full time care but it breaks my heart does it get any easier
Hello @Charlie 11, although the circumstances are sad, you are welcome here and I hope you find the forum a friendly and supportive place.
I do not have personal experience of this but know from reading other posts here that it is emotionally tough to make the decision you have made. Indeed, you may even find feelings of guilt creeping in. However, I also know that the decision is made in the best interests of our loved ones and I hope you find comfort in that thought.
Many posts that I have read record the fact that some improvement is often seen in loved ones when the effects of 24hr care kick in so there may be some comfort there too.
It is normal for a CH to suggest staying away for a few days as that gives the person a chance to settle down in their new home and many do settle well because of the increased level of care that can be provided by a team and the social interaction that is often available.
It will be tough but do know that the forum members will be here for you.

Here is a link to an AS Factsheet about the issue. Page 13 onwards deals with issues after the decision has been made. https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/sites...downloads/factsheet_selecting_a_care_home.pdf
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,867
South coast
Hello @Charlie 11 I remember when mum moved to her care home. I think its a form of grief and made worse because they cannot understand why they have to be there.
It took mum several weeks to settle and it can take longer for other people, so give it time. Once mum had settled she thrived and enjoyed the routine and having someone around night and day. After a while I got to know the residents and most of their families and they became like an extended family to me.
Remind yourself that you have not abandoned her - you are just sharing her care because the disease has got too big for you to do it on your own.
 

Charlie 11

New member
Jun 2, 2018
4
Hello @Charlie 11 I remember when mum moved to her care home. I think its a form of grief and made worse because they cannot understand why they have to be there.
It took mum several weeks to settle and it can take longer for other people, so give it time. Once mum had settled she thrived and enjoyed the routine and having someone around night and day. After a while I got to know the residents and most of their families and they became like an extended family to me.
Remind yourself that you have not abandoned her - you are just sharing her care because the disease has got too big for you to do it on your own.
Thank you all so much just hope she will settle down and finds peace it is great to be able to chat with people who understands again thank you
 

SaraA

New member
Jun 3, 2018
2
Hi there, I am new to this but came across the talking point discussion around intensive dementia support. I currently work for a team called IDSS (intensive dementia support service) covering the south east of Somerset. I used to work on an acute psychiatric ward for people with dementia that were detained under the MHA. The ward sadly had to close last year and our jobs were relocated out into the community, our role now is to offer support to people who have a diagnosis of dementia and are either at home or in a care home and the management of their day to day living as become almost "breaking point" we are aiming to avoid hospital admission. My mum also has dementia (picks disease). This forum looks really interesting and I am hoping to connect with people.
 
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