Weight loss - how much more?

[Hezzy]

Hi all. so sad reading all these threads but as many say the end can only be a blessed relief.
My mom has had vascular dementia for approx 5 years, maybe a little longer.
After a period of being quite manic and aggressive last year she has really spent most of this year in bed with little interest in anything.
Over the last few years I've had several calls from home/ hospital saying they thought she was passing away, the last one was a week ago. She is now around 5 and a half stone in weight, so frail, just unrecognisable as she had always been quite "round".
The home she is in are amazing and are doing all they can to keep her comfortable and have eol pain meds at the ready following the last non responsive episode.
She continues to eat / drink sporadically but is asleep most of the time and sometimes cannot be roused.
I kind of know that no one has an answer as to how long, I find myself wondering how much more weight is there to lose - does that make sense to anyone?
I'm the only nearby relative, have POA and have coped up and down the last few years. I sent out some messages to family over the last couple f weeks as I thought it was the end and then she's stabilised again I feel like the rest of the family have no idea what it's like to watch this as they never call or ask how she is. I've gone off topic now!

 

[Gwendy1]

Hi Hezzy. Your mum does sound very frail. I think a combination of things all indicate to us that the end may be near, but for sure, I've learned from my dad's illness that the person's 'will' is a huge factor, and he's still fighting on despite the odds. I feel the responsibility of rounding up family members (several times now!) when docs have said poor dad is dying..then he recovers, but has lost another 'piece' of himself. So, I don't know, but I do sympathise with you completely. It's very painful to watch. X


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[cragmaid]

I could have written your post.
My Mum went from 11st to approx 4.5 st in three years. I lost count of the number of blue light incidents or eol calls....she even had the last rites about 2 months before she let go of this life.

Sadly for you none of this helps and there is no asnwer as to the question of how long. The answer is till she stops.

As to the invisibles....let them find out in due course, you have more to do than worry about letting the uncaring know what's going on.

 

[Hezzy]

Hi Hezzy. Your mum does sound very frail. I think a combination of things all indicate to us that the end may be near, but for sure, I've learned from my dad's illness that the person's 'will' is a huge factor, and he's still fighting on despite the odds. I feel the responsibility of rounding up family members (several times now!) when docs have said poor dad is dying..then he recovers, but has lost another 'piece' of himself. So, I don't know, but I do sympathise with you completely. It's very painful to watch. X


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Thanks Gwendy1 xx
She tells me she wants to just sleep and I tell her that's fine, trying to tell her it's ok to let go.
I worry the family members think it's a cry wolf situation but I don't want anyone able to say they didn't realise when it does finally happen.
Hugs to you x

 

[Hezzy]

I could have written your post.
My Mum went from 11st to approx 4.5 st in three years. I lost count of the number of blue light incidents or eol calls....she even had the last rites about 2 months before she let go of this life.

Sadly for you none of this helps and there is no asnwer as to the question of how long. The answer is till she stops.

As to the invisibles....let them find out in due course, you have more to do than worry about letting the uncaring know what's going on.

Thanks Cragmaid x I only read that term today the invisibles, it's so appropriate !

 

[Gwendy1]

Thanks Gwendy1 xx
She tells me she wants to just sleep and I tell her that's fine, trying to tell her it's ok to let go.
I worry the family members think it's a cry wolf situation but I don't want anyone able to say they didn't realise when it does finally happen.
Hugs to you x

I get it..totally. I look at dad, he's maybe just aspirated something(his own saliva sometimes) and I think he's leaving me..should I phone my family??? Now, I wait a while.Next day, dad's stable again. Then I think I'm going crazy!I've also learned on here that what Cragmaid says is spot on. However, I do let my brothers/uncle etc know how frail dad is generally,really..what else can we do. Be guided by the professionals as well who are looking after your mum,you can't carry everything yourself. You're doing amazingly for your mum❤️️Love from G. X


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[Hezzy]

I'm so glad I found this forum now, although I'm able to talk with other relatives and staff at the home, I feel like I'm suddenly reading that I'm not the only one going through this!
I work Tues-Thurs so taking a couple of days off visiting this week. Then I can go back over the weekend a little recharged and with a new perspective.
x

 

[Hezzy]

More

The nurse said this morning now she is 5 stone. She ate a couple of strawberries I took her and seemed to enjoy them, then it was back to sleep.

 

[Gwendy1]

Enjoy the time you spend with your mum, love strawberries! You're doing so well, enjoy time for yourself too. X


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[Hezzy]

Next level

Well today she simply stopped eating and drinking altogether.
It's another stage. She seems comfortable and not troubled so I think I've done all I can at this point. I've been there most of today but come away now.
I haven't messaged my invisible brother yet. I'm still mulling that over.

 

[Gwendy1]

So sorry,Hezzy. It's so difficult snd heartbreaking. You're doing all you can- you're doing amazingly. Thinking of you, take care.❤️️Xxx


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[Hezzy]

So sorry,Hezzy. It's so difficult snd heartbreaking. You're doing all you can- you're doing amazingly. Thinking of you, take care.❤️️Xxx


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Thanks Gwendy1 xx

 

[Red66]

Hi Hezzy, I have been following your thread. So sorry to hear of you situation. I know how hard it is to witness. Stay strong xx

 

[Hezzy]

Hi Hezzy, I have been following your thread. So sorry to hear of you situation. I know how hard it is to witness. Stay strong xx

Thanks Red, I'm so glad I found this forum. x

 

[Hezzy]

Invisible

So I called my invisible brother and got voicemail.
He has messaged back to ask if I think she'll last till Sunday (presumably when its convenient for him to visit).
I've messaged back that I can't possibly know that.
Haven't got any further response from him!

 

[Gwendy1]

Hezzy, u really cannot do any more than you've done re.your brother. You've told him your concerns and kept him 'up to date'. I wish he was there to support you, I really do. I hope you have someone to lean on just now. Sometimes people just can't deal with things, they avoid, make excuses, even genuinely convince themselves all will be fine. This doesn't help You, however. Or sadly, them..., in time. I speak from personal experience of when my mum passed away. You're there, stay strong. Don't waste energy that you will need stressing over what you can't control. Lots of love, G. ❤️️X


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[Hezzy]

Hezzy, u really cannot do any more than you've done re.your brother. You've told him your concerns and kept him 'up to date'. I wish he was there to support you, I really do. I hope you have someone to lean on just now. Sometimes people just can't deal with things, they avoid, make excuses, even genuinely convince themselves all will be fine. This doesn't help You, however. Or sadly, them..., in time. I speak from personal experience of when my mum passed away. You're there, stay strong. Don't waste energy that you will need stressing over what you can't control. Lots of love, G. ❤️️X


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Yes I'm lucky to have a wonderful husband who my mom also thinks the world of. Unfortunately his dad is in hospital with Parkinsons so he is spread thinly but we are united and coping. I also told work the situation yesterday, they were very supportive. I wasn't sure whether to let them know but I'm glad I did now.

 

[Hezzy]

Up and down

So she's eaten breakfast this morning after 2 days of no eating but has slept apart from that.
Maybe things have levelled out again who knows.
I hope I will sleep better tonight

 

[Gwendy1]

So glad you have support and have told your work all you're dealing with...which is an awful lot. I guess we just need to take each day as it comes...easier said than done!! Hope you get a sleep, I've taken next week as a holiday before I fall over! Stay strong❤️️x


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[Jag]

We are in the same Position

Hi, our gran is the same. I have given up telling the family about her episodes of not eating . She goes without eating for 2 days then manages a few spoons of soup. Gran is probably similar weight too. I don't know how long they can go on like this. Very distressing to see