Just to add to @Violet Jane point,my mum has been in a care home for two years and is in much better health now than when she went in. Previous to this she had live in carers and was going down hill rapidly.
Yes, its an exponential curve with the average being just over 2 years.Bupa reckon the average life in care as 801 days with half dying by day 462. Of course some do better depending on a variety of factors.
My mother had a downturn when she went into care and we felt it was because before being placed she was barely holding it together and once placed she finally felt safe and could mentally relax and was no longer being forced to remember things. She was much happier and less agitated once placed. Once we realized how calmer she was we felt guilty for not placing her sooner.Although it sometimes looks like a move into care causes a downturn, I think that is probably due to the change in circumstances rather than the fact the person has moved into care.
I think we all try to choose care homes very carefully. The national staffing crisis means that there aren’t many who have stable and adequate staffing, definitely not in my area. I think you may have got lucky but for those of us who didn’t, it is not because we didn’t really try to choose carefully.I was against my Mum going into a care home and was forced into it by my siblings. It was very hard for the first year, but now she is settled and we have a good relationship with the care home staff who really do care. Any issues we have, have been carefully noted and responded to. She has been there for 3 years now and she has declined in that time, but as expected with dementia. Like others I have heard very bad things about care homes and my best friend had an awful experience with her dad. It really put me off, but I think the answer is carefully picking the care home. Mums isn’t fancy, but it is staffed with carers who have been there for a long time (decades some of them) and an enthusiastic and dedicated manager. I hope you can find a solution that works for you.
Really sorry to hear about difficulties. We are in a similar position. My elderly Dad is awake about every hour during the night at the moment. GP has prescribed a sedative but no real effect as yet. We have a live-in carer we have found at the moment who is as flexible and understanding as possible and we are trying to cover longer breaks in the day so that the carer can catch up on some sleep but am concerned this won’t be sustainable unless sleep improves and we need to alternate carers too probably one week on/off. Paying for day care plus waking nights care would be another option but so expensive as we know. Also very keen for my Dad to stay at home with my mum. Hoping your situation improves and sending my support, just sorry I don’t have any answersHi all,
My mum, who has dementia, and who had live-in care until recently, is not sleeping through the night, despite her doctor prescribing sedatives, as a last resort.
The doctor doesn't understand why the sedatives aren't working, as he has prescribed the highest dose he dare.
Most care agencies will allow two wake-ups a night, some offer three but, more often than not, Mum is waking many more times than that.
We have stopped all care for the time being, because the carers can't cope (understandably), and we are trying to figure out what to do next.
Honestly, we are at our wits' end. Mum is like death warmed up after a night of hardly any sleep, and so are we.
None of us can go on like this, but we just don't know what to do.
Any and all advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you.
@SAFIC, if your mum and the family can manage your Dad during the day then why not get a waking night carer and dispense with the
I know that it is hard @JHA but you did the best possible thing for your mom, there comes a time when it takes a whole team to look after a person with dementia. Now you can be her daughter again and not a tired and frazzled carer. You are still looking after her just in a different way. You are her advocate at the care home looking after her interests.My mom lived alone and had temporary carers provided by SS after an episode of delerium and a hospital stay with further assessment in a discharge to assess bed. When it came to the time for her to fund them she point blank refused and we muddled along for a few months with me going over twice a day. I was planning to admit defeat in the January but my mom begun to wander and was found on the street corner at 2am by the police two days before Christmas 2021.
It was then agreed that she could not be left alone so I attempted to stay at hers on the sofa taking her home with me during the day. I basically lasted a week before admitting defeat - it was like living with the duracell bunny she would be up at 315 doing the vacuuming or packing and unpacking bags and suitcases throughout the night. A respite bed was organised first which eventually went permanent. I cannot say she was happy there at the beginning but she was not happy at home really either but she was safe and is possibly better looked after than she was when at home. I am an only child I tried but there was only so much I could do. Mom has been in the care home for 792 days which when I actually write it is really sad I wish there was an alternative but I know that if I had carried on as I was in 2021 I possibly would not be writing this post.