Hi Geoffrey
I have enjoyed our discussion,but we seem to be very different in our thoughts and experiences.
I will leave the thread open, in line with your above quote.
We have members abroad and you may receive a different input from them
Norman
Washing
- Thread starter sandrah
- Start date
I have enjoyed our discussion,but we seem to be very different in our thoughts and experiences.
I will leave the thread open, in line with your above quote.
We have members abroad and you may receive a different input from them
Norman
Differing views
norman
It has been a delight to converse with you. It is inevitable we should have differing experiences as our circumstances and background are so different. If you would like to converse further then feel free to do so privately if it is not in keeping with the responses that may ensue.
It is my feeling and my hope that our public disourse could be stimulating and of value to others that may not wish to directly participate and the fact we have differing view is a positive not a negative.
I sincerely hope our discourse will provoke discussion and responses from those that have something to contribute.
Some of what has been written relates to 'washing' and the psycology of dealaing with this type of problem, many other issues may also be addressed along the way.
It is my wish that my experiences with providing care outside the U.K. may help anyone in similar circumstances that are either considering or setting out to provide care for a loved one abroad. We happen to be located in South America but the experience is probably applicable to many other countries.
I can say that providing care from outside the U.K. is a substantial challenge over and above that of providing care at home but one that is not without its benifits for the patient and/or the carer. For me it could have been easier if i had known what i know now when I started. Such is life.
New legislation giving more autonomy to the receiver is a potential benifit (the courts were not very effective, staffed by people that did not understand and did not appear to have any accountability) if your receiver can be convinced you provide the best care option. The fact you have chosen a care model that is not 'the norm' should not work against you and will not if handled correctly.
The receiver I have been dealing with for some years and with whom I have established a good relationship did not initially comprehend fully or interpret his new responsibilities correctly. It is worth bearing in mind that overriding all other considerations, it is the best interest of the patient that must be taken into account, not accepted practices, rules and procedures designed for the U.K. The carer especially (and the family) has considerable influence in the new order, it is necessary to know how to use it to ensure the care model chosen is not jeopardised.
Providing care outside the U.K. may bar one from NHS support (not the huge loss one might think) but it also frees one from many of the restrictions and the deficiencies of the U.K. system and climate.
If anyone would like to know more then I would be pleased to relate my experience. It could save a great deal of trouble and expense.
norman
It has been a delight to converse with you. It is inevitable we should have differing experiences as our circumstances and background are so different. If you would like to converse further then feel free to do so privately if it is not in keeping with the responses that may ensue.
It is my feeling and my hope that our public disourse could be stimulating and of value to others that may not wish to directly participate and the fact we have differing view is a positive not a negative.
I sincerely hope our discourse will provoke discussion and responses from those that have something to contribute.
Some of what has been written relates to 'washing' and the psycology of dealaing with this type of problem, many other issues may also be addressed along the way.
It is my wish that my experiences with providing care outside the U.K. may help anyone in similar circumstances that are either considering or setting out to provide care for a loved one abroad. We happen to be located in South America but the experience is probably applicable to many other countries.
I can say that providing care from outside the U.K. is a substantial challenge over and above that of providing care at home but one that is not without its benifits for the patient and/or the carer. For me it could have been easier if i had known what i know now when I started. Such is life.
New legislation giving more autonomy to the receiver is a potential benifit (the courts were not very effective, staffed by people that did not understand and did not appear to have any accountability) if your receiver can be convinced you provide the best care option. The fact you have chosen a care model that is not 'the norm' should not work against you and will not if handled correctly.
The receiver I have been dealing with for some years and with whom I have established a good relationship did not initially comprehend fully or interpret his new responsibilities correctly. It is worth bearing in mind that overriding all other considerations, it is the best interest of the patient that must be taken into account, not accepted practices, rules and procedures designed for the U.K. The carer especially (and the family) has considerable influence in the new order, it is necessary to know how to use it to ensure the care model chosen is not jeopardised.
Providing care outside the U.K. may bar one from NHS support (not the huge loss one might think) but it also frees one from many of the restrictions and the deficiencies of the U.K. system and climate.
If anyone would like to know more then I would be pleased to relate my experience. It could save a great deal of trouble and expense.
I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to reply . It has been over six months since I posted it and though Dad is much worse he still won't have a bath or shower I can get him to wash his hands and face every day now and as he is having more "accidents" now other bits of him. As I have to help dress and undress him his clothes are changed every other day and he does not smell or anything. I have had to just accept if he makes up his mind he's not doing something he won't do it and stop stressing him and me about it. I'm sure Geoffrey is right in saying that is the discomfort he does not like. More stressful is now he wants to go home to him own house as his mum and dad are waiting for him. Nothing we do can distract him from this we take him out but when we get back it starts again, this if anything is what will drive us all mad. He has no short term memory and not long term memory left but this .
Sandra
Sandra
Wanting to go home
Sandra,
The phase your father appears to be entering or is at is one we had to deal with over three years ago with my mother. The good thing is once this phase passes, and it will, (trying to escape) life gets easier.
When my mother first came to live with us she entered this phase of wanting to return home (to her mother's house she lived in as a little girl, where apparently her mother was waiting) Nothing would dissaude her that it was not there any longer. Althogh we were half way round the world to her she was convinced it was just down the road.
Our first attempt at a solution was to let her wander outside. Our grounds are large (approximately 10 acres) and are reasonably secure. She would go out repeatedly searching for a way to escape with a carrier bag hat and shoes under her arm up to 10-14 times in any day. The cycle would repeat itself after five minutes of returning. At the end of the day she would be totally and utterly exhausted but if not prevented she would have gone on until she dropped. It made no difference. It is 34 deg C in the shade here.
One day she escaped by crawling under the fence through some very nasty cactus and we had to search for her for some hours.
After this event we decided our strategy was not working and we decided to use confinement to the house and take her out for walks in the garden only when accompanied.
This phase was accompanied by all sorts of tantrums and use of emotional displays including tears that could be turned on or off as required, sometimes quite convincing; what an actress. It was necessary for us to be totally resolved to overcome this problem.
Wandering and trying to escape would even occur in the middle of the night. She failed to determine the difference between night and day. Our solution to that was to install a large 'baby gate' (only used at night) to confine her to one end of the house (bedroom and bathroom). We had to do this as she would wander round the house at all hours and urinate over the entire house, over all the furniture and floor. By doing this at least it was confined to her bedroom and hallway. We never did find out how she managed this without getting her pyjamas wet. She insisted this was a normal thing to do if challenged.
We ended up removing all clothes and items from her bedroom as she would constantly go through them. It was initially thought having personal items and photos would be comforting but in fact they did nothing and in my opinion made matters more difficult.
In our case my mother did not make a sound at night. What the solution might be if your father becomes vocal at all hours will need consideration.
As might be expected there was severe resistance to the measures we employed but being resolved (as resolved as she was) we overcame the problem.
Be advised they (the patient) can be very determined and my mother used to swear at me in no uncertain terms and called me many things including a jailer and said she was being treated like an animal etc., I did not give in and insisted whatever she did it would make no difference. I ignored all protestations.
Now the phase, which lasted in my mother's case for many months, has passed and in hindsight she accepted the gate quite quickly and now feels secure with it shut as she often shuts it herself.
Undoubtedly this is going to be a very difficult time for you as your father, being a male may well put up very strong resistance. It is necessary to succeed in this for their own safety. When my mother was normal she was a very passive personality.
Personally i have found it necessary to establish routines. This will help enourmously as time goes by inlcuding the washing problem. If you have a shower, preferably a walk in shower. I believe grants are available for these. Place a plastic garden chair in it and go from there. It is my view it is very important to get over this particular difficulty as soon as possible without drama. If you have a hand hose and shower head (if you have not then fit one) once seated just shower his legs and if he will let you his lower body. If it is a comfortable experience resistance is less likely. Make sure the bathroom is on the hot side. As the procedure is established it will be possible to graduate to showering his entire person including washing his hair.
The procedure I adopt in the shower is to soap the sponge and tell her which bit to rub i.e., body, under arms, legs and feet etc.,
When it comes to drying it is not such a big issue and does not need to be what you may consider thorough. Sit him down on his bed and hand him his clothes in order, one at a time. There will come a time when he may not be able to dress himself but in my opinion it is important to get them to do as much for themselves (assisted) as possible for as long as possible.
My mother would be quite happy if i did everything for her but I make a point of not doing it although often it would be easier.
I hope some of this may be helpful.
Sandra,
The phase your father appears to be entering or is at is one we had to deal with over three years ago with my mother. The good thing is once this phase passes, and it will, (trying to escape) life gets easier.
When my mother first came to live with us she entered this phase of wanting to return home (to her mother's house she lived in as a little girl, where apparently her mother was waiting) Nothing would dissaude her that it was not there any longer. Althogh we were half way round the world to her she was convinced it was just down the road.
Our first attempt at a solution was to let her wander outside. Our grounds are large (approximately 10 acres) and are reasonably secure. She would go out repeatedly searching for a way to escape with a carrier bag hat and shoes under her arm up to 10-14 times in any day. The cycle would repeat itself after five minutes of returning. At the end of the day she would be totally and utterly exhausted but if not prevented she would have gone on until she dropped. It made no difference. It is 34 deg C in the shade here.
One day she escaped by crawling under the fence through some very nasty cactus and we had to search for her for some hours.
After this event we decided our strategy was not working and we decided to use confinement to the house and take her out for walks in the garden only when accompanied.
This phase was accompanied by all sorts of tantrums and use of emotional displays including tears that could be turned on or off as required, sometimes quite convincing; what an actress. It was necessary for us to be totally resolved to overcome this problem.
Wandering and trying to escape would even occur in the middle of the night. She failed to determine the difference between night and day. Our solution to that was to install a large 'baby gate' (only used at night) to confine her to one end of the house (bedroom and bathroom). We had to do this as she would wander round the house at all hours and urinate over the entire house, over all the furniture and floor. By doing this at least it was confined to her bedroom and hallway. We never did find out how she managed this without getting her pyjamas wet. She insisted this was a normal thing to do if challenged.
We ended up removing all clothes and items from her bedroom as she would constantly go through them. It was initially thought having personal items and photos would be comforting but in fact they did nothing and in my opinion made matters more difficult.
In our case my mother did not make a sound at night. What the solution might be if your father becomes vocal at all hours will need consideration.
As might be expected there was severe resistance to the measures we employed but being resolved (as resolved as she was) we overcame the problem.
Be advised they (the patient) can be very determined and my mother used to swear at me in no uncertain terms and called me many things including a jailer and said she was being treated like an animal etc., I did not give in and insisted whatever she did it would make no difference. I ignored all protestations.
Now the phase, which lasted in my mother's case for many months, has passed and in hindsight she accepted the gate quite quickly and now feels secure with it shut as she often shuts it herself.
Undoubtedly this is going to be a very difficult time for you as your father, being a male may well put up very strong resistance. It is necessary to succeed in this for their own safety. When my mother was normal she was a very passive personality.
Personally i have found it necessary to establish routines. This will help enourmously as time goes by inlcuding the washing problem. If you have a shower, preferably a walk in shower. I believe grants are available for these. Place a plastic garden chair in it and go from there. It is my view it is very important to get over this particular difficulty as soon as possible without drama. If you have a hand hose and shower head (if you have not then fit one) once seated just shower his legs and if he will let you his lower body. If it is a comfortable experience resistance is less likely. Make sure the bathroom is on the hot side. As the procedure is established it will be possible to graduate to showering his entire person including washing his hair.
The procedure I adopt in the shower is to soap the sponge and tell her which bit to rub i.e., body, under arms, legs and feet etc.,
When it comes to drying it is not such a big issue and does not need to be what you may consider thorough. Sit him down on his bed and hand him his clothes in order, one at a time. There will come a time when he may not be able to dress himself but in my opinion it is important to get them to do as much for themselves (assisted) as possible for as long as possible.
My mother would be quite happy if i did everything for her but I make a point of not doing it although often it would be easier.
I hope some of this may be helpful.
Hi Geoffrey
Thank you for your advice, sorry I did not reply sooner. I must admire you for coping with your mother without any support, myself I could not cope without the help and support I get from my family the Alzheimers Society and social services. I don't know if it is the area we live in but I can't complain about anything so I count my blessings on that. I think it is true what is said on here "when you have seen one person with AD you have seen one" and what works with one person won't work with another all we can do is try.
Sandra
Thank you for your advice, sorry I did not reply sooner. I must admire you for coping with your mother without any support, myself I could not cope without the help and support I get from my family the Alzheimers Society and social services. I don't know if it is the area we live in but I can't complain about anything so I count my blessings on that. I think it is true what is said on here "when you have seen one person with AD you have seen one" and what works with one person won't work with another all we can do is try.
Sandra
