Was it something I was doing? I need to ask this probably because guilt, loss, sadness, grief, you name it, I feel it. I took my husband to the nursing home last week for 4 weeks respite with a view to long term care. I was at the end of my rope, he was up and down most of the night for the past 4 months. Some nights better than others, but very disturbed sleep and latterly I was lucky to get 2 hours undisturbed. I don’t have the ability to fall asleep after being disturbed so I was very depleted, at rock bottom with this dreadful disease, very weepy, and life was extremely difficult. My husband is a sundowner and from 5 pm ish he needed me so much for reassurance that he was in his own home and safe. He was at the stage of packing a small bag with a few precious possessions. So sad. Hence the respite. Now after his first day where he tried every door, and paced constantly he’s settled. More than settled. He speaks to everyone, takes part in everything, never once asked to come home, accepts when I leave without him, kisses me and waves me away. Right I can hear you say, what’s the problem? Well, after 45 years of marriage, not all blissful. but we stuck together and he were on the main happy. The nursing home says he is doing amazingly well. He’s up at night but biddable and goes back to bed, he’s pleasant and wants to be busy. He’s confused all the time now, and his timeline has gone back to his childhood home. He’s responded so favourably to the nursing home setting, now do I leave him? I’m totally bereft. Every inch of this home has his print on it, he renovated it himself,and I just want him back, but know the man in the nursing home is not the man I had at home. Is it me? Does anyone have any gems of wisdom or experience to give me. I’m weeping so much I’m embarrassed.
