*Warning!* Explicit and Gross - I just need to rant (again)

[Ellie315]

So you go into the bathroom, you need a wee, and you've waited too long coz you just Had to answer that thread online, and you just Love that song so you had to wait until it had finished...

And its the smell that hits you first. Followed by the sight of the sanitary pad, soiled, dripping, and laying over the cup holder attached to the mirror. *sigh* But you've got to wee first. So you lift up the lid...

And thank God you're in the habbit of looking before sitting! Even when you're desperate. The remains in the bowl are foul and its splashed all over the seat. That bit looks like its just about to drip off onto the floor so you have to catch it with a piece of tissue paper...

And the tissue paper rips as you do so.

So you cross your legs, and wipe around the mess, dispose of the pad, and run the taps to clean everything; Cif first, to remove the 'dirt', disinfectant last, to kill the germs, and bleach in the bowl. And all the while you know the worst job - for sheer argumentative tendancy - is still to come...

Just as you finish, she comes in - this is your chance! "I was looking for you!! In you come...." and all you get is "no, no I'm not going to. I don't want to". So you sit down, in the vain hope that "Well I can wait all day" is going to do Anything as you attempt to pursuade her to allow you to get the soiled clothes off and fresh and clean on....

But she stands over you, and pretends she doesn't care until she starts screaming and banging and rattling the door handle and she's screaming and you're underneath her and all you can do is close your eyes and try to breathe and wait until she steps back and you can get up and get out...

And when you do, she goes into the lounge and sits down on *your chair* (the one without the protective cover - of course).

And you know you shouldn't do it. You know it only distresses her, and you shouldn't insist she does something she doesn't want to do. But you keep trying to get her to just keep herself clean.

And when she won't, the only thing you can do is come online again and have a rant. And maybe a little cry. And you still haven't had your wee.

 

[Izzy]

OMG - I hope you've managed to uncross your legs by now! No wonder you need to rant - and have a little cry. You are more than entitled to. Please go to the loo now if you haven't already! x

 

[Ellie315]

Thank you Izzy. xx

 

[rajahh]

Thank goodness my husband is mainly compliant. I too have the mess from time to time, but usually he warns me. All of a sudden he calls Have you got a minute????

I always know what that means.

Luckily too we have an ensuite plus a bathroom so I can still usually find one toilet which is usable.

I do not know what I would do if he would not get changed.

You have every right to rant

Love Jeannette

 

[Ellie315]

I hope he always lets you do what you can, and accepts when there's stuff you can't.

Thank you Jeannette.x

 

[Kathphlox]

Wow Ellie, that brought back some memories for me.

Dad with his hands covered in poo and trying his damnedest to get past me to spread it all over the house.. me trying to clean his hands so he won't spread it even further, I clean his hands, then he touches something else before you've cleaned it, then back to cleaning his hands again... off we go again.. I think you need about 6 hands sometimes.

You have my sympathy.

 

[jeany123]

Are you ok now Ellie? you have a good reason to rant and I hope you have been to the loo now you will make yourself ill

Love Jeany x

 

[Ellie315]

thank you both.

Yes, I am feeling better. We have had a cup of tea, and that cures everything

And, I did have my wee (lol)

I was really uncertain about posting that, because it is quite personal and stuff, but it did help to just get it out, and thank you all for allowing me to without judgement.

 

[chucky]

Ellie, been there too, add to the mix me throwing up out the window as my stomach turned sommersaults and eyes watering from holding my breath as i tried to clean the toilet as well as dad while he uses his hands to clean himself. Nightmare!!

 

[Ellie315]

yes, she uses her hands too.

The worst time was when she remembered that the toilet paper existed, but (I don't know, forgot how to use it?!) stuffed it up inside herself instead and I had to fish it out.

The things we do...

Thank you for sharing.

 

[NeverGiveUp]

Don't you just love it - not. Been there, done it and bought the rubber gloves.

It is when you find the soiled toilet paper stashed somewhere which isn't the toilet pan, you tell yourself it could be worse the paper could have been put down the pan along with objects which shouldn't. Then there are the rare occasions when a visitor calls (one of the few who still acknowledge we exist, dementia = invisibility, look front as you pass by and pretend you haven't seen them struggling to cope), when they have gone you find a bit of soiled paper, the horror sinks in, did the visitor see it? Will they also now find us invisible?

I find 2-00 in the morning is the best time, followed by 2.15, 2,30, 2.45 etc. etc. "You just drift off to sleep after scrubbing everything and everyone clean and the wail starts "I waaaaaant the Tooooooilet", if you aren't there in less than one minute "Heeeeeeeeeeelp, Heeeeeeeeeelp, Heeeeeeeeelp" all in screams, that moment you wonder if the neighbours are still being deaf, will the police turn up? Vision of elder abuse questioning loom.

How do you answer the question "I want the toilet, where is the toilet?" when her bottom is firmly affixed to the seat? Or "what do i do, how do i go to the toilet?" How many times have I tried to explain what toilet paper is for and how to wipe bottoms. All of this the precursor for a dementia attack, another virtually sleepless night on floor cushions blocking the exit from her bedroom because you don't know what she will do. In the morning she is normalish, sort of, remembers nothing, thinks you are lazy because you are trying to wake up with mega caffiene, and considering whether paracetemol or ibrprofien is best because sleeping on the floor aged over 45 isn't comfortable.

So finishes my rant, how I laughed at your problems, was it because it was funny, yes it is - but only when it happens to someone else! Kindred spirits us bods with a can of cleaner in one hand disposable wipes in the other, carrier bag at the ready for fallout, and wondering where the gloves went.

 

[Ellie315]

Oh yes, NeverGiveUp, I remember once she was on her way out of the door, and I realised she had somehow done it without me noticing, and it was all over her hands, but it was too late, and she was already getting in the Social Worker's car!!!!

And the screams - oh yes. She went through a period of opening all the windows she possibly could, sobbing, and wailing "Help me! Help me! Won't somebody come and heeeeeelp me?!"

.... and I was following her round with a cloth to clean all the catches!

Its ok that you laughed. I will too.... tomorrow, probably

 

[NeverGiveUp]

Just laugh at my misfortunes, if you allow me to laugh at yours, the least I can do is reciprocate.

Social workers always seem to drive very nice cars, they never give us any help, now how do I get mum to inspect the interior of their car.......

 

[piedwarbler]

Just sending empathy and sympathy - xxxx

 

[Ellie315]

Thank you both.

 

[Kathphlox]

I learned to always keep a box of gloves in the bathroom.. invaluable

 

[mby]

Sorry but it did make me smile as it sounds like our house!!
I have been unable to find a pad that my Nan removed in secret this week, can't smell it though so that's a good sign
Nan's aim also seems to be spread as much poo around the house as possible while I decide whether to get it off her slippers, her hands or get Grandad out of the way first!!
Cant wait for a social worker to take her in the car but she probably won't need to go on that day Is it wrong to say I would be tempted to get the Movical out!
Glad you got to the loo for yourself in the end and I agree a cup of tea makes all the difference

 

[rajahh]

On a similar vein, My husband was prescribed a funnel and a bag so he would not have to use the bottle overnight as he was wplling it and wetting the bed. ( he cannot easily get out of bed so needs something.

I had to show him how to use it, there I am lying on the bed pretending to have a penis showing himhow to use it.!!!!

Anyway he used the funnel for about 2 weeks and it was really working and I hadno wet bedding.

Middle of the night, a voice says, this thing is not working anymore. !!!!

I get up and what has he done. Stuffed the funnel with toilet paper so he couldn't " get in".!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We went back to the bottle and wet beds.

Love Jeannette

 

[Ellie315]

Sorry but it did make me smile as it sounds like our house!!
I have been unable to find a pad that my Nan removed in secret this week, can't smell it though so that's a good sign
Nan's aim also seems to be spread as much poo around the house as possible while I decide whether to get it off her slippers, her hands or get Grandad out of the way first!!
Cant wait for a social worker to take her in the car but she probably won't need to go on that day Is it wrong to say I would be tempted to get the Movical out!
Glad you got to the loo for yourself in the end and I agree a cup of tea makes all the difference

Oh my goodness - lost pads are the worst! I swear sometimes I think I will be reincarnated as a sniffer dog. I would reccommend to check behind All the radiators - I know from experience that when the heating comes on you wish you'd found it sooner!!

I had to show him how to use it, there I am lying on the bed pretending to have a penis showing himhow to use it.!!!!

Jeannette, I don't even know you, but this image is still making me giggle.

Sometimes I guess we have to choose the lesser of all the evils - and for some that will be the mess and for some that will be the distress and for some that will be something I've not even thought of.

 

[min88cat]

Oh dear! You have my sympathy! MIL has a colostomy bag, and despite us thinking how much easier it would be for us to cope with, how wrong we're we! We lost count of how many pairs of socks and knickers had to be thrown away when when she wrapped her used bags in them, that coupled with the leakages (and on occasions bag explosions !!!!!) the mess on the bed sheets, nighties and any other item of clothing you could think of.

On a lighter note, my daughter who works nights at the local A &E, told us that last weekend an elderly gentleman (not an AZ sufferer) needed the loo. he was duly ushered in and handed the alarm pull and told to use it when he had finished. The alarm pull ended up where the sun don't shine, and they had another case to sort out!!!

Sorry if that offended anyone, just trying to lighten our Saturday,