Wanting to go home

[Grant b]

My mother suffers from aphasis and her communication skills are near impossible to understand in a conversation. Very often she has days were she wants to leave the house saying she wants to go home and tries to run away. Shes continuously taking to herself but again very hard understand whats shes saying.

She gets very upset but we have no idea why. My father is struggling to cope and we have had very little support.

Any advise or guidance would be gratefully recieved

 

[Kevinl]

Wanting to go home is absolutely the most normal thing in the world.
Back with your partner, friends, neighbours family and all the rest.
Asphaia is a difficult one because when you can no longer express yourself coherently it must be very frustrating.
Imagine you went to another country and didn't speak the language so everyone talking over you, bit like that I imagine. K

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Grant b and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your mother. Wanting to go 'home' often seems to be a strong driving force. My wife always wanted to go home to see her parents and gran, which of course was totally impossible. I could only deal with it by not focusing or lingering on the subject and try to reassure her that home would still be there for us to visit 'tomorrow' (but never today).

 

[Grant b]

Wanting to go home is absolutely the most normal thing in the world.
Back with your partner, friends, neighbours family and all the rest.
Asphaia is a difficult one because when you can no longer express yourself coherently it must be very frustrating.
Imagine you went to another country and didn't speak the language so everyone talking over you, bit like that I imagine. K

Yeah that’s exactly it. We have no idea why she’s upset, we pick up certain words from conversations and try to answer accordingly, but we could be making it worse.

 

[Grant b]

Hi @Grant b and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your mother. Wanting to go 'home' often seems to be a strong driving force. My wife always wanted to go home to see her parents and gran, which of course was totally impossible. I could only deal with it by not focusing or lingering on the subject and try to reassure her that home would still be there for us to visit 'tomorrow' (but never today).

Thank your for the welcome. Massive learning curve for us all at the start, and appreciate the help

 

[Neveradullday!]

Yeah that’s exactly it. We have no idea why she’s upset, we pick up certain words from conversations and try to answer accordingly, but we could be making it worse.

Hi @Grant b - my mum is also at the stage where a lot of what she says is very difficult to understand. If I can't understand what she's concerned about, I've found the best way is not to try to find out the exact worry but just to reassure her that everything is OK - nothing to worry about. Even saying "Oh, I know what you mean" (when I don't) is normally accepted by her, and the concern is forgotten for the time being at least.

Everyone is different, of course - no one size fits all. A lot of it is trial and error.

 

[Calon Lan]

Hi @Grant b, I am sorry that your mother is trying to leave her house to go home. I can understand how difficult this must be for your father and yourself, especially with the communication problems.

My mum has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. I looked after her for some time in her own home before she moved into residential care. She often wanted to go home to her childhood home to see her mother who died in 1957. I think my mum was trying to escape the confusion and distress of her dementia. “Going home” was really about being well again. I used all sorts of distraction, diversion and delay tactics to try and deal with the situation. Sometimes these worked, but sometimes they didn’t. Towards the end of the time I was looking after her at her house she was marching out 3-4 times a day to try and go home.

My mum is now living in a nursing home. She still has days when her drive to go “home” is very strong. The problem tends to be more serious later in the day when she has sundowning symptoms.

My heart goes out to you and your father as you struggle to deal with this problem.

 

[Mumlikesflowers]

Hi @Grant b, I am sorry that your mother is trying to leave her house to go home. I can understand how difficult this must be for your father and yourself, especially with the communication problems.

My mum has Alzheimer’s and vascular dementia. I looked after her for some time in her own home before she moved into residential care. She often wanted to go home to her childhood home to see her mother who died in 1957. I think my mum was trying to escape the confusion and distress of her dementia. “Going home” was really about being well again. I used all sorts of distraction, diversion and delay tactics to try and deal with the situation. Sometimes these worked, but sometimes they didn’t. Towards the end of the time I was looking after her at her house she was marching out 3-4 times a day to try and go home.

My mum is now living in a nursing home. She still has days when her drive to go “home” is very strong. The problem tends to be more serious later in the day when she has sundowning symptoms.

My heart goes out to you and your father as y

You put this very well - that home signifies a life when things still made sense.

Re the fear of saying the wrong thing and making it worse, you can't go wrong by nodding, looking concerned and interested and saying hmm yes. If I really can't pick up at all what it's about, I take it off in any non-controversial direction that it triggers in me. I'd much rather they were talking gibberish than not saying anything at all and I feel that keeping the convo going in some way must be benefiting them in some way, rather than saying nothing.