Walked out!

[Blissy]

Just need to write this as I know you will understand. For the second weekend our grandson has been working so hard to help clear our garden that has become so overgrown, a job I could no long ignore although my husband was very against anyone doing it. He has mixed dementia and apart from feeding his birds there is little else he can do without help but these days he doesn't usually attempt anything. Last week he got so cross when I made any drinks or food for our grandson and said that was the end of our marriage and he would have to go somewhere else. I tried to remain calm, saying the job just had to be done and so be it if he had to go. Fast forward an hour and he was full of apology and things back to 'normal'. Here we are again this weekend and the day started well, grandson arrived and to my relief all was well. That was short lived and a repeat of last week started. This time I said nothing but just took myself upstairs to do some ironing. Came down about 30mins later to find my husband was not about. We live in a village so got in the car and did a loop round but he was nowhere to be seen. Just as I arrived back home a neighbour appeared and said he had just found him along a footpath and he was on the ground. I couldn't believe how far he had got as his mobility is not good. Fortunately no injury and he is now sitting in his chair and keeps dozing off, to be expected after his ordeal. He recognises our grandson but doesn't realise who he is. I have to remind him each time so I think he is imagining that I am getting bit too friendly with another man, although he is obviously years younger than me. I am finding the situation so difficult to deal with but fortunately our grandson is very understanding. I hate conflict so this is really upsetting me. Sorry to go on but just had to get this off my chest. Feeling guilty that I didn't handle things better although at a loss to know what else I could have done.

 

[Grable]

I know how you feel about the conflict, Blissy! I've read your post carefully and I can't see anything you could have done differently, either. Thank heaven for an understanding grandson!

 

[Blissy]

Thank you for your reply. He told his daughter in the evening we'd had a lovely day so obviously had no recollection of what had happened.

 

[Coco23]

This whole hallucination thing is grim. Worst episode so far with dad on Friday. He had no idea who mum was, thought she was going to poison the dog and wouldn't put her down for hours, wanted to leave and threatened to smash a window when mum wouldn't let him. I spoke to an admiral nurse and from reading your post you did exactly the right thing moving away from the situation for a bit. Again no recollection the next day. The nurse said it MIGHT get better as the days get lighter but who knows.

 

[scotlass]

Blissy...so sorry to read what you've had to deal with, I couldn't have done any better your grandson sounds like a godsend, our son is here for a few days...he doesn't live near us...and he too always cuts the grass for us ...weather permitting,,,because, like you we can't manage it now...and I wouldn't let my oh near a mower...even if he wanted to

 

[Ellie2018]

It could be worth a chat with the GP to see if there is any medication that would help, when my OH was getting a bit snappy with people they put him on Mirtrazapine - depression and anxiety medication. It hasnt stopped it but most certainly has made a big improvement.

 

[Blissy]

I have been giving him some natural supplement for anxiety and it has helped but there has been some deterioration over the past few weeks so will see how things go and think about if I need to get some help from GP as suggested.

 

[Waitinggame]

Hi Blissy. You have done everything right. I have the same problem with my OH with the guy who does some gardening and odd jobs for us. My OH is frustrated he can no longer do these jobs and jealous that someone else can, although he never voices these thoughts. I know this may make matters worse but would it be conceivable to include your OH by you or your grandson asking him something like ‘where would you like me to start today?’ thus including him. This could backfire if he then takes total control. It works for me. Any chance you could take your OH out on days your grandson is working. He sounds great.

 

[Blissy]

As much as my husband likes his wild garden he actually asks nothing about what is being done and hasn't even been to look at the results. I really don't want to bring it to his attention as this could bring a halt to any work being done. We have quite a large garden and wild is no understatement. Because of our situation it has been neglected for the past 3 years and I have finally decided, despite objections, this has to be done. Two 3yd skips filled and more will be needed! We do go out every day and I have continued to do so but might have to stay out longer when work is being done. To be honest don't think there is an answer, I am just going to have to deal with my husbands behaviour while this is going on and try to avoid the situations that trigger his annoyance. Thank you all for taking the time to reply.

 

[Waitinggame]

Blissy, you are doing a great job. Hopefully it won’t be long before work is finished and things settle down a little . Good luck.

 

[BeeBeeDee]

I feel guilty most of the time as I really struggle to handle the constant questions, following me around, checking and double checking, moaning and groaning

 

[Blissy]

Wrong that we should feel guilty, we are doing our best under difficult circumstances. Professionals get to leave their work behind and go home to a nights sleep and probably 4-6 weeks holiday...not so for us carers.