It is the 'mostly' bit that is causing me grief. She was absolutely horrible today. Saying it was me that wouldn't let her go out. She was cranky, sullen, crying, rude. When she came to see me she told me to be quiet and just go. Seriously the people who have their spouses/family members at home are incredible. I walked out of there and burst into tears in the car. My poor husband has now borne the brunt of it
How often are you visiting? If the visits are so very difficult and you are going a lot then I would honestly cut it down. I know this can be very hard to do - you feel you ought to go no matter what - but all this stress and upset is not good for you. During the first months she was in the CH visits to my mother were so difficult - accusations and horrible things being said - that my stomach would be in knots every time and I would have to psych myself up to go.
There was also the fact that my visits were agitating my mother, too - she was mostly quite placid when I was not there, so it cannot have been good for her, either. She did not in the least understand why she needed to be there - had absolutely no insight into her condition.
It did get better eventually - largely after I found 'love lies" that worked, but it took quite a while and although I felt bad about it at first I did cut visits down - the stress and upset were just too much.