Visiting mum
- Thread starter MrsTerryN
- Start date
Fiona
Oddly this week I have varied my visiting as she is doing both bus outings each day. So I am now going at the end of the day to visit her.
The staff think she is lovely with a very dry sense of humor. However I have been informed that on quite a few occasions they are unable to work out what she is talking about. Her temper is fine with them.
An example she was telling me that she was furious she was up the front (found out later she meant the bus) and that she had to "hand gestures like a conductor". I spoke to the occupational therapist who was on that trip and she advised me that mum was there because she kept organising everyone.
She also did say today she only does 'it' with me and she apologised (went straight back to berating me).
We do usually sit in her room but this was at the front area both at the beginning and the end. The receptionist, with a smile, said to mum after one of the comments "that was mean".
I have before on two occasions lost the plot so to speak and it oddly enough seem to make a difference, though that was pretty nursing home.
I had hoped she was over the anger phase.
I am going to mention to the nursing home that she may be physically exhausted because she has done more socialising in the last two months than she has probable done in the last three years.
Oddly this week I have varied my visiting as she is doing both bus outings each day. So I am now going at the end of the day to visit her.
The staff think she is lovely with a very dry sense of humor. However I have been informed that on quite a few occasions they are unable to work out what she is talking about. Her temper is fine with them.
An example she was telling me that she was furious she was up the front (found out later she meant the bus) and that she had to "hand gestures like a conductor". I spoke to the occupational therapist who was on that trip and she advised me that mum was there because she kept organising everyone.
She also did say today she only does 'it' with me and she apologised (went straight back to berating me).
We do usually sit in her room but this was at the front area both at the beginning and the end. The receptionist, with a smile, said to mum after one of the comments "that was mean".
I have before on two occasions lost the plot so to speak and it oddly enough seem to make a difference, though that was pretty nursing home.
I had hoped she was over the anger phase.
I am going to mention to the nursing home that she may be physically exhausted because she has done more socialising in the last two months than she has probable done in the last three years.
It is interesting isn't it that she obviously has the awareness of how she is treating you and for that reason I would would certainly set my boundaries and let her know what is acceptable or not. You can give her a warning and the opportunity to meet your wishes and if she chooses not to then off you go. I bet she will get the message quite quickly and if you're not around then perhaps the old 'absence makes the heart grow fonder' adage will kick in. Let's hope so.
Fiona
Fiona
Fiona I think I will try the "stern words" approach again and hope it works. She commented the other she didn't like feeling she has to ask permission from me to go out, so possible that could be one of her issues (just remembered that while I was typing this post). I know Ann Mac has had the stern words with her MIL and it has helped. Ahhh well tomorrow is another day and visit
I think I would say to your Mum
'as you have such a busy day out planned for tomorrow Mum I am going to catch up with my housework/ spring clean/ paperwork, and I will see you the day after on xxxday'
Then on the day, make yourself a large cup of tea and put your feet up!
As a wise sage on here once said to me 'even donkeys deserve a rest!'
'as you have such a busy day out planned for tomorrow Mum I am going to catch up with my housework/ spring clean/ paperwork, and I will see you the day after on xxxday'
Then on the day, make yourself a large cup of tea and put your feet up!
As a wise sage on here once said to me 'even donkeys deserve a rest!'
How often are you visiting? If the visits are so very difficult and you are going a lot then I would honestly cut it down. I know this can be very hard to do - you feel you ought to go no matter what - but all this stress and upset is not good for you. During the first months she was in the CH visits to my mother were so difficult - accusations and horrible things being said - that my stomach would be in knots every time and I would have to psych myself up to go.
There was also the fact that my visits were agitating my mother, too - she was mostly quite placid when I was not there, so it cannot have been good for her, either. She did not in the least understand why she needed to be there - had absolutely no insight into her condition.
It did get better eventually - largely after I found 'love lies" that worked, but it took quite a while and although I felt bad about it at first I did cut visits down - the stress and upset were just too much.
And yet today she was nice as pie. Seriously it is so confusing. I ummed and ahhed about going but ended up going to visit. With was actually handy because mum was moved into another room which she has been waiting for with a phone. Her speech was very poor. That seems to be quite common for her of late. So at this stage I will continue to visit and see how it goes. It is funny sometimes mum seems to think she works there at the home, sometimes almost like a hotel.
Once or twice my mother told me she was 'fed up with this job' (at the CH) and she was going to look for another! I would say yes, good idea, go for it...
Oh your mums are a big unambitious to just be working or staying there, my mum OWNS her nursing home.
Apart the comment that she 'is earning her keep' mum was amazing today. It is the best visit I have had with her in months including at home and at the nursing home.
Every time I think she has settled so to speak in a particular stage of this disease something changes.
Mum discussed everything today, she actually asked after her grandson who wasn't there. I can't remember the last time when she asked about someone who wasn't there. It is usually out of sight was out of mind.
She laughed and chatted and discussed things she did yesterday. That she had declined her lunch for today and then giggled with me but it is OK I have stacks of treats.
It was so nice, we looked at photos of her things still at home and she picked out things she wanted to come over.
She also reminded me that she does have dementia but she is so pleased the staff don't mention it to her or bring it up and she thinks that is just lovely.
Only once before in the years since her diagnosis has mum acknowledged that she has dementia and again that was on a really self aware day.
This week has had the worst day (I am really hoping that Wednesday always holds that record) and the best in such a long time.
Every time I think she has settled so to speak in a particular stage of this disease something changes.
Mum discussed everything today, she actually asked after her grandson who wasn't there. I can't remember the last time when she asked about someone who wasn't there. It is usually out of sight was out of mind.
She laughed and chatted and discussed things she did yesterday. That she had declined her lunch for today and then giggled with me but it is OK I have stacks of treats.
It was so nice, we looked at photos of her things still at home and she picked out things she wanted to come over.
She also reminded me that she does have dementia but she is so pleased the staff don't mention it to her or bring it up and she thinks that is just lovely.
Only once before in the years since her diagnosis has mum acknowledged that she has dementia and again that was on a really self aware day.
This week has had the worst day (I am really hoping that Wednesday always holds that record) and the best in such a long time.
Its such a rollercoaster, isn't it? Glad you had a good visit, Mrs TN. I thought mum was in severe decline this week, then yesterday she came to the exercise class and followed the instructions fine, despite being unable to talk any sense, she could do that.
As everyone else things have changed, no idea if the next stage or just an off period
Mum for the last week has been a little out of sorts but for the last four days her speech and comprehension is really hard to understand.
The conversation is really disjointed. The hard part is when mum is talking she will then pause for my comments. I don't have any idea what she is talking about.
She is looking very tired at the moment
I will just wait and see for now.
Mum for the last week has been a little out of sorts but for the last four days her speech and comprehension is really hard to understand.
The conversation is really disjointed. The hard part is when mum is talking she will then pause for my comments. I don't have any idea what she is talking about
. She is looking very tired at the moment
I will just wait and see for now.
Oh your mums are a big unambitious to just be working or staying there, my mum OWNS her nursing home.
Oh, dear, that did make me laugh...
Does she have much trouble keeping her staff in order?
Oh your mums are a big unambitious to just be working or staying there, my mum OWNS her nursing home.
I have just read your comment about your mum owning her nursing home. My mum constantly says she owns her nursing -that she and her husband used to run it and it has changed so much and is nothing like it used to be- it all stems from the fact that they used to help run a conference centre many years ago
best Wishes
Ruth
Just remembered a resident at the CH who must have taken in lodgers or run a boarding house once - and evidently thinks she still does. She is quite a jolly soul but I recently heard her yelling after another resident, '..and the room's nine pound a week - make your mind up or I'll let Whatshername have it!'
