William has I think taken another downturn in recent days. His speech has gone really bad - he can't string a sentence together at all. Although having said that, last evening, when I showed him my new Bible, which has large, bold print (my failing eyesight!), because I was going to read him a bit before he went to bed, he gob-smacked me, by taking the Bible and reading an entire chapter, perfectly well, without even hesitating!! Granted, he was a church minister for 55 years, but what I mean is that he can't speak coherently, and he doesn't read at all anymore - but this he could read perfectly! He didn't even stumble once. It brought tears to my eyes. Anyway - that apart, he has gone down in other ways too.
One thing - he has taken to being very very sensitive, and easily prone to tears. He is very sensitive to "atmospheres" and tones of voice, expressions etc. Like this morning, I was getting ready for our daily outing, and he was pacing up and down outside the bathroom door - really irritating! When I came out, I (ok, a bit testily!) told him that it was very annoying to be hassled like that, and he mustn't keep pacing outside the door when I'm getting ready - it's not like we are in any big hurry! Anyway, off we went, and about an hour later, he started crying in the car. He couldn't stop! He cried and cried and couldn't tell me why - just that he felt upset. This went on all day - finally I worked out that it was because he thought I hated him, and was furious with him and everything was just horrible and awful in his world! This kind of thing happens more and more frequently these days - and usually with no reason. He often mis-interprets something, like dau tends to always go off when she gets in from work and yakkity-yaks in a very stressy voice - on and on and on! He picks that up, and it upsets him. And I keep telling her, but she just doesn't get it! And other people, who (because of his deafness) tend to raise their voices to him, he comes to me after and tells me that they were "furiously angry" with him and shouting at him.
Sorry for rambling (she's at it now! But at least he's in bed!). But what's really upsetting me about this is: If he gets so totally devastated by me being slightly impatient now and then when hurried and hassled, what if he ever has to be in hospital, or in for respite (if I get sick or anything) and I'm not there to keep an eye? I've seen and heard the way the overworked staff at the big hospital here (who are not trained for working with elderly vulnurable people, never mind people with dementia - even people who are slow or deaf get short shrift). I just find myself getting all tearful and upset at the very thoughts of him trying to cope in that situation without someone to make sure no-one shouts at him, tries to hustle him along, etc. etc. It's one of the reasons I bounce him to the GP if I even suspect he might be getting an infection - and the GP is just as anxious as I am to keep him out of hospital.
There's no answer, and nothing I can do other than what I am doing - just needed to get that off my (ample!) chest!
One thing - he has taken to being very very sensitive, and easily prone to tears. He is very sensitive to "atmospheres" and tones of voice, expressions etc. Like this morning, I was getting ready for our daily outing, and he was pacing up and down outside the bathroom door - really irritating! When I came out, I (ok, a bit testily!) told him that it was very annoying to be hassled like that, and he mustn't keep pacing outside the door when I'm getting ready - it's not like we are in any big hurry! Anyway, off we went, and about an hour later, he started crying in the car. He couldn't stop! He cried and cried and couldn't tell me why - just that he felt upset. This went on all day - finally I worked out that it was because he thought I hated him, and was furious with him and everything was just horrible and awful in his world! This kind of thing happens more and more frequently these days - and usually with no reason. He often mis-interprets something, like dau tends to always go off when she gets in from work and yakkity-yaks in a very stressy voice - on and on and on! He picks that up, and it upsets him. And I keep telling her, but she just doesn't get it! And other people, who (because of his deafness) tend to raise their voices to him, he comes to me after and tells me that they were "furiously angry" with him and shouting at him.
Sorry for rambling (she's at it now! But at least he's in bed!). But what's really upsetting me about this is: If he gets so totally devastated by me being slightly impatient now and then when hurried and hassled, what if he ever has to be in hospital, or in for respite (if I get sick or anything) and I'm not there to keep an eye? I've seen and heard the way the overworked staff at the big hospital here (who are not trained for working with elderly vulnurable people, never mind people with dementia - even people who are slow or deaf get short shrift). I just find myself getting all tearful and upset at the very thoughts of him trying to cope in that situation without someone to make sure no-one shouts at him, tries to hustle him along, etc. etc. It's one of the reasons I bounce him to the GP if I even suspect he might be getting an infection - and the GP is just as anxious as I am to keep him out of hospital.
There's no answer, and nothing I can do other than what I am doing - just needed to get that off my (ample!) chest!