My OH and I recently took a two-overnight respite trip, leaving behind a caregiver (whom we paid for) and my sister, who wanted to be here. We had a wonderful time away. I should add that in addition to caring for my mother, who is often incontinent and who is pretty far along in AD, we also have two older cocker spaniels. In advance of leaving, I prepared the dinner meals so that all they would have to do is cook the veggies or, in the case of the one meal, make some pasta. I even had the veggies all prepped. It seems as if all went well, except . . .
When I returned, my sister said to me privately that she really could have taken care of my mother by herself.
And when the caregiver arrived the day after my sister left, I learned, from her vantage point, that she had two people to care for, and that my sister immediately forgot everything she had told her.
Between them both, they lost - until I found it based on things I learned from both of them together - an important piece of mail we had been expecting and they notified us had arrived (on the day we left).
My sister *is* showing pretty clear signs of mental change, and she and her OH are, they say, in the process of finding a physician to do a baseline test of her. The same sister caused a kitchen fire in my mother's home back around 2004. She totaled two cars in her own driveway. And she is showing other signs of mental disarray.
I had hoped that having the caregiver *and* my sister there, things would have gone well. And in fact the caregiver had asked that a family member be here, so that if something drastic happened with my mother, the caregiver alone would not have to make calls or make final decisions. I totally understand that. But if the caregiver *and* my sister are getting forgetful, I'm in a pickle.
I think it went well enough for them to do this again, but I will want to have the caregiver here, too. I have hinted this delicately to my sister. This isn't really a question so much as a statement of my predicament. I have difficulty with finding opportunity for respite, and I don't want to have to be worried every time I go away about what disasters will await when I return! I will not place my mother in a care home (I'm not being critical of those who do, but I will not do this right now at least). I have two other possible sisters, but my schedule is too complicated to have to work around their schedules, and the one who might be willing to do it shows similar signs of mental deterioration. (I am the youngest child and probably have always been the most competent.) It's hard to find respite, I guess, under any circumstances. This isn't a rant but a loud sigh . . . .
When I returned, my sister said to me privately that she really could have taken care of my mother by herself.
And when the caregiver arrived the day after my sister left, I learned, from her vantage point, that she had two people to care for, and that my sister immediately forgot everything she had told her.
Between them both, they lost - until I found it based on things I learned from both of them together - an important piece of mail we had been expecting and they notified us had arrived (on the day we left).
My sister *is* showing pretty clear signs of mental change, and she and her OH are, they say, in the process of finding a physician to do a baseline test of her. The same sister caused a kitchen fire in my mother's home back around 2004. She totaled two cars in her own driveway. And she is showing other signs of mental disarray.
I had hoped that having the caregiver *and* my sister there, things would have gone well. And in fact the caregiver had asked that a family member be here, so that if something drastic happened with my mother, the caregiver alone would not have to make calls or make final decisions. I totally understand that. But if the caregiver *and* my sister are getting forgetful, I'm in a pickle.
I think it went well enough for them to do this again, but I will want to have the caregiver here, too. I have hinted this delicately to my sister. This isn't really a question so much as a statement of my predicament. I have difficulty with finding opportunity for respite, and I don't want to have to be worried every time I go away about what disasters will await when I return! I will not place my mother in a care home (I'm not being critical of those who do, but I will not do this right now at least). I have two other possible sisters, but my schedule is too complicated to have to work around their schedules, and the one who might be willing to do it shows similar signs of mental deterioration. (I am the youngest child and probably have always been the most competent.) It's hard to find respite, I guess, under any circumstances. This isn't a rant but a loud sigh . . . .