Vascular dementia

[Eddiep]

I’ve not posted anything before but today my mum who is 71 was diagnosed with vascular dementia.
I was told that there are no treatments for this type and to be honest I’m really upset.
My mum lives with her sister who also has dementia, my mum is her carer but I’m struggling to understand how she can continue but mum will not let her go into a nursing home.

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Eddiep.

I’m so sorry to read about your mum’s diagnosis. It must be doubly hard as she has been caring for her sister.

I’m glad you’ve found this forum as you will find lots of help and support here. I’m not sure how much you know about vascular dementia but I wondered if this factsheet would be of any help -

What is vascular dementia?

Vascular dementia is the second most common type of dementia (after Alzheimer's disease). Everyone experiences it differently. Symptoms vary depending on the person, the cause and the areas of the brain that are affected.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Does you mum have any input from Social Work in caring for your mum. If she does then it would be a good idea to contact your aunt’s case manager and explain the situation. You might also consider asking for an assessment of needs for your mum. There is information about this here -

Assessment for care and support in England

What are care assessments and how can people with dementia and their carers access them? This information is for care and support in England.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Please keep posting here. There will always be someone around to listen and support.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @Eddiep and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. My mother also has vascular dementia, and it is difficult to get your head round as often the symptoms, certainly in the early days, are different than those with Alzheimer's. My mother's memory was pretty good, her main symptom was what my husband called 'fried logic boxes.'
In particular I'd worry about your mothers ability to care properly for her sister, specially if her dementia is quite advanced. The links @Izzy have given you are good, I think trying to get an updated assessment on both your mother and your aunts needs is probably the place to start.
This is a very friendly place and you'll get lots of help and advice here.

 

[lemonbalm]

Hello @Eddiep

My mum has also vascular dementia. I looked after her for a couple of years myself but she has been in a care home for about 4 years now. Although there is no specific treatment for vascular dementia, there is medication which can help treat some of the symptoms like anxiety and depression. I see you have already had some good advice.

Tell us a little more about how things are when you are ready. There are lots of us out here to help you along.

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to DTP @Eddiep. I read your comment on another thread about concerns your mum is struggling to take her meds and the care needs assessment Izzy mentioned should be a priority. My partner has vascular dementia too and has gone downhill badly since the lockdowns started. Having care workers in to help with personal care and medication will take a lot of pressure off you.

 

[Whisperer]

Dear @Eddiep

Sadly there is no actual medication specially to help with Vascular Dementia, which is caused by poor blood supply to the brain, due to high blood pressure and usually heart problems. Mum had heart problems until she had a double bypass operation in 2006. She lived on until early this year, heart failure being the cause of her death not her Vascular Dementia. The memory issues started in late 2014. Another issue with Vascular Dementia is it can present a wide variety of symptoms, depending which parts of the brain are damaged. That makes it harder to measure how developed the illness is, or what will happen in the coming period.

I suggest all you can do is ensure any prescribed blood pressure medication is taken correctly and watch out for swelling in the legs for which medication is available. As others have mentioned there are treatments for anxiety caused by the Dementia.

Having increasingly cared for my mum for nearly six years, watching her gradual decline with nothing really effective treatment wise I can share your circumstances and feelings to a degree. Sorry I can say nothing more useful but send you my very best wishes going forward.

 

[JoyP]

My mother has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and has been coming to stay with me every weekend. My brother goes over to see her in the week. She is refusing any help in the home and this weekend got into such a rage shouting and crying she wanted to go home. She also fell and bruised her shoulder. I don’t know what to do. It’s getting increasingly difficult for my husband and my mother would be happier if I drove backwards and forwards to her home ( 45 min away) . I have young grandchildren whom I would love to see when we can and I used to help my daughter in law with them before lockdown. My mother is in denial and thinks someone in the family,who I’ve given a key to, is taking and moving her things. She gets very angry. My parents were such good friends to me. My father died a year ago and I feel I am losing my mum.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello @JoyP Welcome to Dementia Talking Point

It sounds as if the weekend visits are causing more confusion for your mother. I understand the drive is tedious but your mother is experiencing the same drive at the weekend.

My husband was on a long drive once, back from the airport and he was in tears by the time we got home, continually asking where we were going and obviously having no idea.

I hope this opinion hasn`t upset you further. I could be completely wrong. It`s just the first thing which came into my head while reading your post.

You do seem willing to spread your help and support to all your family but be careful it will not be taking its toll on you. We as carers have limits.

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @JoyP and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. This is a great place for advice, support.
Your mother sounds very much like mine, who also has vascular dementia. She was living in her own flat and was extremely independent, even though she had very limited eyesight due to macular degeneration. Mum was in her late eighties when I first began to realise that her difficulties weren't all due to her sight. I got really worried when she started to accuse the neighbours of stealing things. Mum invented a complicated story as to how they did it, but it was obvious it was mum hiding things to keep them 'safe'.
My solution in the end was to move mum to a care home. I know most people have carers in a few times a day and work up to a care home move, but mum wouldn't have let carers in and she was fit enough to go out every day. I decided it was a choice between waiting for a crisis such as an accident or moving her before one happened. It was a very difficult time and I had to lie through my teeth to get mum there, but I'm glad I did it. Is a move to a care home something you and your brother have considered?
You might also like to start your own thread as you may get more replies that way.

 

[canary]

Hi @JoyP
Thinking that people are coming in and moving/taking things is almost universal in dementia. They move things around themselves, forget that they have done so and cannot believe that it was actually them, so they conclude that someone else is coming in. My mum thought her ex-cleaner had stolen her spare key because she couldnt find it although in reality she had hidden it away safely so that no-one would steal it, so she was convinced that the ex-cleaner was coming in and moving things around. Then she thought the cleaner and an old friend of hers were stealing things and then she thought it was me.

There is very little you can do about this. It seems preposterous to us that they would think this rather than the obvious solution that they have moved it themself and forgotten, but you cant convince them.

My mum wanted me to give up my job, leave my husband and go and live with her and she could not understand why I refused. It is very hard - they still know which buttons to press. Mum wouldnt tolerate any carers in either and this led her to moving to a care home as she wasnt able to look after herself.

 

[Erksomewarrior]

I’ve not posted anything before but today my mum who is 71 was diagnosed with vascular dementia.
I was told that there are no treatments for this type and to be honest I’m really upset.
My mum lives with her sister who also has dementia, my mum is her carer but I’m struggling to understand how she can continue but mum will not let her go into a nursing home.

I have vascular dementia and it does make life a little different however my medical people have told me that it tends to stay at the same level sometimes even for years and you will probably notice a change easily in the future and be able to deal with it then. Every day is precious enjoy the day you are in. I have stayed at the same level since diagnosis two years ago. You could go with mum to whoever diagnosed her if she is happy for you to come. Hope this helps

 

[Eddiep]

I have vascular dementia and it does make life a little different however my medical people have told me that it tends to stay at the same level sometimes even for years and you will probably notice a change easily in the future and be able to deal with it then. Every day is precious enjoy the day you are in. I have stayed at the same level since diagnosis two years ago. You could go with mum to whoever diagnosed her if she is happy for you to come. Hope this helps

 

[Eddiep]

Thank you that’s helpful. We got her assessment score back today she scored 54 out of 100. Waiting for an OPA.

 

[JoyP]

Hello @JoyP Welcome to Dementia Talking Point

It sounds as if the weekend visits are causing more confusion for your mother. I understand the drive is tedious but your mother is experiencing the same drive at the weekend.

My husband was on a long drive once, back from the airport and he was in tears by the time we got home, continually asking where we were going and obviously having no idea.

I hope this opinion hasn`t upset you further. I could be completely wrong. It`s just the first thing which came into my head while reading your post.

You do seem willing to spread your help and support to all your family but be careful it will not be taking its toll on you. We as carers have limits.

Thank you for being honest. I have been over there today but I found it diff to leave her as ,since my oldest son was born 31 years ago my parents were with us for one or both days at the weekend. It has been our shared experience. However I am worried because I got home to find her neighbours had called to say she was anxious and they were concerned about her.

 

[JoyP]

Hi @JoyP
Thinking that people are coming in and moving/taking things is almost universal in dementia. They move things around themselves, forget that they have done so and cannot believe that it was actually them, so they conclude that someone else is coming in. My mum thought her ex-cleaner had stolen her spare key because she couldnt find it although in reality she had hidden it away safely so that no-one would steal it, so she was convinced that the ex-cleaner was coming in and moving things around. Then she thought the cleaner and an old friend of hers were stealing things and then she thought it was me.

There is very little you can do about this. It seems preposterous to us that they would think this rather than the obvious solution that they have moved it themself and forgotten, but you cant convince them.

My mum wanted me to give up my job, leave my husband and go and live with her and she could not understand why I refused. It is very hard - they still know which buttons to press. Mum wouldnt tolerate any carers in either and this led her to moving to a care home as she wasnt able to look after herself.

Yes my mother would like me to go over and spend every day with her. I’m torn by other family needs as well. It seems to have happened so quickly but she so strongly says she won’t have help except from me and my brother.

 

[Eddiep]

Hi @Eddiep and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. My mother also has vascular dementia, and it is difficult to get your head round as often the symptoms, certainly in the early days, are different than those with Alzheimer's. My mother's memory was pretty good, her main symptom was what my husband called 'fried logic boxes.'
In particular I'd worry about your mothers ability to care properly for her sister, specially if her dementia is quite advanced. The links @Izzy have given you are good, I think trying to get an updated assessment on both your mother and your aunts needs is probably the place to start.
This is a very friendly place and you'll get lots of help and advice here.

 

[Eddiep]

I have asked about a social service assessment for my mum but they said as she is functioning she doesn’t need one. Also somebody has been out this week to assess my Aunts dementia but again they said my mum is fine looking after her with my aunts carers coming in! There is nothing I can do about my aunt as my mum and her other sister don’t have LPA.
my main worry is all the care is going to my Aunt and nobody is caring for my mum.
When I went on Thursday she had burnt a hole in her hall carpet with the iron.
Sorry for going on it’s just that I feel overwhelmed with it all as my mum thinks there is nothing wrong it’s just the stress of looking after my aunt.

 

[JoyP]

I have asked about a social service assessment for my mum but they said as she is functioning she doesn’t need one. Also somebody has been out this week to assess my Aunts dementia but again they said my mum is fine looking after her with my aunts carers coming in! There is nothing I can do about my aunt as my mum and her other sister don’t have LPA.
my main worry is all the care is going to my Aunt and nobody is caring for my mum.
When I went on Thursday she had burnt a hole in her hall carpet with the iron.
Sorry for going on it’s just that I feel overwhelmed with it all as my mum thinks there is nothing wrong it’s just the stress of looking after my aunt.

Feeling for you. There is a sense of hopelessness when you see the problem and you are being told she is ok to cope when you can see she’s not

 

[JoyP]

Hi @JoyP and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. This is a great place for advice, support.
Your mother sounds very much like mine, who also has vascular dementia. She was living in her own flat and was extremely independent, even though she had very limited eyesight due to macular degeneration. Mum was in her late eighties when I first began to realise that her difficulties weren't all due to her sight. I got really worried when she started to accuse the neighbours of stealing things. Mum invented a complicated story as to how they did it, but it was obvious it was mum hiding things to keep them 'safe'.
My solution in the end was to move mum to a care home. I know most people have carers in a few times a day and work up to a care home move, but mum wouldn't have let carers in and she was fit enough to go out every day. I decided it was a choice between waiting for a crisis such as an accident or moving her before one happened. It was a very difficult time and I had to lie through my teeth to get mum there, but I'm glad I did it. Is a move to a care home something you and your brother have considered?
You might also like to start your own thread as you may get more replies that way.

Thank you Sarasa. Mum is refusing to leave her home for anything now. I’m worried she won’t go back for the second part of her vaccine. I think what is so upsetting is how anxious she is. She thinks my brother and I know who conspiring to make it look as if she is losing her mind and thinks they are wicked. My brother has tried to remind her that she went to memory clinic but it seems to make it worse.

 

[Weasell]

My mother has been diagnosed with Vascular Dementia and has been coming to stay with me every weekend. My brother goes over to see her in the week. She is refusing any help in the home and this weekend got into such a rage shouting and crying she wanted to go home. She also fell and bruised her shoulder. I don’t know what to do. It’s getting increasingly difficult for my husband and my mother would be happier if I drove backwards and forwards to her home ( 45 min away) . I have young grandchildren whom I would love to see when we can and I used to help my daughter in law with them before lockdown. My mother is in denial and thinks someone in the family,who I’ve given a key to, is taking and moving her things. She gets very angry. My parents were such good friends to me. My father died a year ago and I feel I am losing my mum.

I am in a similar position.
I stay with my mother Monday to Saturday.
I pay a private carer to stay when I leave.
My grandchildren, who I was providing care for previously, now greet me with enthusiasm, but also as a bit of a stranger.
When you are involved with someone with dementia there are going to be huge ‘trade offs’ in you life. You just need to decide what they will be.

your brother reminding her about the memory clinic will only matters worse.
It may be worth printing this out for him

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Make sure you have both the powers of attorneys as a matter of priority.