Hi I'm absolutely desperate due to everything being shut. My Mum is going through a dta after being In hospital. She is in a hell hole of a care home and we want her home. I feel we are all broken. I am prepared to bridge the gap by moving in with my Dad. The care home is not supporting her needs and social services crisis team don't care until Monday morning. I need the right information to get my mum home. WE HAVE BEEN LET DOWN NO ONE IS LISTENING! Please help me get my mum home we are all deeply suffering, where is the help.
Urgent help
- Thread starter Dexter5
- Start date
What do I need to do? I just want my Mum home where she belongs. Is it possible to increase her package of care and get her needs assessed at home? I can't sleep, I've broken my parents by trying to get them help. I'm desperate there is no one out there. Only Dementia Scotland!! I can't carry on like this and watch muppets care for my Mum. The senior staff left the care home to staff at 4.30 with no info to the other care givers. HOW ARE THEY MONITORING HER! There is a sensor mat in her room. It's a dirty grubby place with poor hygiene standards. I love my Mum can I just remove her and put a stop to this nonsense? I knew there was nobody to talk to. I'm so bloody desperate! The discharge social workers at the hospital told me the home was excellent. Its a dump.... they don't care. Why isn't there a 24 hour service. We need the support. I can't find any info anywhere. I have full power of attorney. I wasn't listened to or given any advice throughout my Mum's stay in hospital. It's been an awful time. I can't carry on like this. I know a weekend is only 2 days but it seems ages when you are left to suffer in silence. My poor Mum. Let down. No one cares
I cant remember how to use this forum thing correctly. I can't be the only person up desperate trying to find a way and the correct words to free my mum from a care home and get her back. Awful situation to be in. There should be a step by step support team who know something. I truly care but no one is there.
Ok, why is she there? How long has she been there?
Firstly, dont act in haste (thats the hard bit)
Make sure you have everything in place before you bring her home
Source carers - how long each day, and how are they going to be paid for?
Adaptations- does she need any adaptations to the home, and equipment to keep her safe?
Consider the practical things- who is going to wash, iron cook and clean for both your parents?
Weekends are always more difficult, you seem to have found out how little support is availible at the drop of a hat- consider that too for managing at home- you you have a support network or fmily of your own to cosider?
Firstly, dont act in haste (thats the hard bit)
Make sure you have everything in place before you bring her home
Source carers - how long each day, and how are they going to be paid for?
Adaptations- does she need any adaptations to the home, and equipment to keep her safe?
Consider the practical things- who is going to wash, iron cook and clean for both your parents?
Weekends are always more difficult, you seem to have found out how little support is availible at the drop of a hat- consider that too for managing at home- you you have a support network or fmily of your own to cosider?
I agree with jessbow - dont act in haste. You will have to plan everything first.
Care homes have a duty to make sure that someone in their care who is removed is going to a safe place. They will not let you just take her (even with POA) until you have a a care plan and equipment to meet her needs. You mentioned that she had been in hospital, so (depending on why she was admitted and what happened) her needs may have changed since before she went in. You will need to find out what these needs are and then put in place a care package which will meet them.
The big thing is - who is going to pay for it? If your mum is going to need help with funding then the maximum that SS will usually offer is 4 carer slots (usually half an hour long) per day and do not usually provide any night time care. If she needs care during the night so that your/your dads sleep is interrupted then an awake night carer is eye-wateringly expensive. There usually comes a time with people with dementia when their needs become so high that even if you are there indefinitely, 24/7 and you have 4 carer slots a day, plus maybe find someone who would sit with your mum while you/your dad goes out, that it is not enough and it is simply not possible to meet their needs in a domestic home. I do not know if this is the case with your mum, but you do have to be realistic and be open to this possibility
If she does need a care home, then you can start looking around for somewhere else. Care homes are not all alike - they all have different criteria about what they will, and will not, accept, so be brutally honest when telling them what your mum is like. You do not want to move your mum somewhere and within a few weeks have them turn around and say that they cannot meet her needs, so you will have to find somewhere else. Ask about whether they would accept the LA funding - dont get yourself in a position where you will have to pay "top-up" fees. Look beyond the decor to see the care provided. My mums care home was very shabby and old-fashioned, but the care was excellent.
Care homes have a duty to make sure that someone in their care who is removed is going to a safe place. They will not let you just take her (even with POA) until you have a a care plan and equipment to meet her needs. You mentioned that she had been in hospital, so (depending on why she was admitted and what happened) her needs may have changed since before she went in. You will need to find out what these needs are and then put in place a care package which will meet them.
The big thing is - who is going to pay for it? If your mum is going to need help with funding then the maximum that SS will usually offer is 4 carer slots (usually half an hour long) per day and do not usually provide any night time care. If she needs care during the night so that your/your dads sleep is interrupted then an awake night carer is eye-wateringly expensive. There usually comes a time with people with dementia when their needs become so high that even if you are there indefinitely, 24/7 and you have 4 carer slots a day, plus maybe find someone who would sit with your mum while you/your dad goes out, that it is not enough and it is simply not possible to meet their needs in a domestic home. I do not know if this is the case with your mum, but you do have to be realistic and be open to this possibility
If she does need a care home, then you can start looking around for somewhere else. Care homes are not all alike - they all have different criteria about what they will, and will not, accept, so be brutally honest when telling them what your mum is like. You do not want to move your mum somewhere and within a few weeks have them turn around and say that they cannot meet her needs, so you will have to find somewhere else. Ask about whether they would accept the LA funding - dont get yourself in a position where you will have to pay "top-up" fees. Look beyond the decor to see the care provided. My mums care home was very shabby and old-fashioned, but the care was excellent.
Hello @Dexter5 I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and as already mentioned it's not a good idea to take your mum out of the care home without there being a suitable package of care in place first, to ensure that your mum will be safe and receive the level of care that she needs. Please give the Dementia Support Helpline a call and talk through the situation as they will be able to offer you professional advice about the best way forward. They are open today between 10am and 4pm - 0333 150 3456:
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Dementia Support Line
If you need dementia support, we’re here for you. Get personalised information, support and advice by calling us on 0333 150 3456.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Feeling very concerned for you and noting the time you have posted. Try and get some sleep/ rest. Most of your distress seems to come from the fact that this was ‘ your idea‘ to get help and as the home seems poor you are feeling guilty.
Hold on to your thoughts at the time that help was needed. Even in hospital I bet it wasn’t 100 percent meeting mums needs. So catch a breath and start to plan. Weekends everything is different service wise which I can see is frustrating you but I believe you can use this time to prepare
This too will pass
Thinking of you in Mothers Day today x
Hold on to your thoughts at the time that help was needed. Even in hospital I bet it wasn’t 100 percent meeting mums needs. So catch a breath and start to plan. Weekends everything is different service wise which I can see is frustrating you but I believe you can use this time to prepare
This too will pass
Thinking of you in Mothers Day today x
Hi @Dexter5 I don't have first hand experience of discharge to assess so can't comment on who you need to talk to about possible alternative arrangements. I am not sure if you have had the process described to you but it is clear that you are unhappy with the arrangements. The assessment will include the possibility of returning home but there will need to be a sufficient care package in place to enable this. As Attorney you can reasonably expect to be involved in best interest discussions. All of this will take time. If you have serious concerns about what you describe as a "hell hole". raise them with the home manager first. I wouldn''t expect that decisions on discharge would have a 24 hour service.
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