Upsetting news at care home visit

[winda]

During my visit with my husband today, the duty nurse and the CPN wanted to have a word with me.
They are concerned that my husband is not eating despite much coaxing. If they try to feed it to him, he gets angry. I had noticed that when I take him snacks he needs much persuasion to eat them whereas he would have eaten them with relish before.
The CPN thinks that it is due to his general deterioration and apart from suggesting lots of small snacks of high calorie food, said that there was nothing more anyone can do.
He has put on a considerable amount of weight over the last couple of years and eating has not been an issue up to now. He has plenty of reserve for the time being. But obviously this will not last.
It was upsetting and depressing news.

I have read on here of others having problems getting their loved ones to eat and so I am aware it is a common problem but how awful to know that the deterioration has reached this stage.

The good news is that I did manage to get him to eat some chocolate and a couple of biscuits whilst I was there but it was after two and a half hours of persuasion and some anger from him. And this was food he loves ( or did).

There probably aren't any answers but just needed to offload.

 

[2jays]

Sorry winda, no words of wisdom, just hugs xx

 

[winda]

Thank you 2jays - it helps.

 

[amicalia]

I have no answers but just felt so sad for you about this, hugs to you

 

[Kathphlox]

I wonder if he would prefer sweet foods, we find that our loved ones can be persuaded to eat those when they lose interest in other foods.. at least it would be something.

 

[winda]

Thank you for your replies.

Up to now my husband has preferred sweet foods but now he doesn't seem particularly interested in anything. When I went today his pudding was still in front of him (pears and custard), but he wouldn't eat any of it despite attempts by the staff and me. He just gets angry. He doesn't seem to understand that it is to be eaten.

I haven't really noticed that he has a swallowing problem but sometimes eating makes him cough which could indicate a problem. I told this to the nurse and CPN. They are going to keep an eye on him to see if he is aspirating and I suppose they will get the SALT team in if they think he is.

 

[ggma]

What an upsetting time for you, and glad you feel you can share on here. How upsetting that things he used to love do not interest him now.

My MIL lived on yoghurts and drinks for 3 years after her stroke, which amazed us that she needed so little.

Sending thoughts and hugs

 

[Helen33]

Dear Winda,

I do remember how these changes in our loved ones affect us. I always found food issues particularly worrying because I was brought up to believe that eating good and healthy stuff was essential and old habits die hard. When Alan had difficulty eating, a friend came round with jelly made with a couple of spoons of plain yoghurt put in it just before it start to set. He refused everything else but he loved this. The person said she'd nursed her mum and it was a godsend.

I just want you to know that I am so very sorry for you having to experience this Winda.

Love and a (HUG)

 

[Izzy]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this with your husband Winda. x

 

[winda]

Thank you Helen, I was dreading this stage and was hoping it would be some time away. I will try the jelly and yogurt if all else fails.
I suppose that as long as he is drinking and eating something it should not be too bad, although I think there are also problems getting him to drink. I know that I have to persuade him and don't always succeed.

 

[Onlyme]

Mum will either not want to eat or take it in her mouth and then spit it out. She does the same with drinks too.

 

[jan.s]

Winda

I'm sorry to hear about this problem. Sending a hug. I have sent you a PM.

Jan xx

 

[Butter]

I am so very sorry Winda. I like the suggestion of yoghurt in the jelly. The anger mixed with the rejection of food and drink - I feel I understand it all too well. I hope you feel you can spend time with your husband while not feeling responsible for him. If that makes sense. I wonder if, at some level, he does know what he is doing. Intelligence can come to our aid in the most desperate times.

 

[Pheath]

Do hope this is just a temporary phase that will pass for your husband, perhaps he’s feeling unwell and gone off his food for a short time. I can see why you’re so worried and upset though as have read enough posts from others to know going off food isn’t a good sign. However as others have said, people can survive ok on very little for a long time, it might just be a question of finding something that will whet his appetite and sticking to it. Thinking of you and wishing you well, I know he’d only recently moved to the CH and had been settling in so well. Really I am sorry. Px

 

[grove]

Hello Winda , Am sorry to read about your Husband ( anything on T P with a "food theme " normally read & post, Am Kitchen Asst in E M I N Home ) & just sending much Love , Support & Hugs for today & in the days to come

Love & Hugs

Love Grove x x

 

[memo]

my mam had alzheimers was in for restbite . within three weeks her stomach was distented didn,t eat for a week , unknown to me ,within a week she had peritonitis from a burts bowel don,t want to frighten you but have your dads bloods checked for infection, my mam died in hospital with septicemia . hope that he is ok. take care

 

[Jo1958]

Winda, hi
Hubby was having Complan as a regular supplement when he wasn't eating earlier this year, he didn't always finish it but it did help to keep him used to food in his tummy and to keep him moving (if you see what I mean!)

I take lots of fresh fruit in these days, I have started to buy prepared packs from the supermarket as there is no mess and no skins or pips to deal with, today hubby hadn't eaten any breakfast and not much last night but he had all the fruit and a finger of fudge. I leave all sorts of chocolate bars and biscuits in a drawer in his room, I know others have found them too but as long as they are being eaten and ejoyed then I am more than happy to keep taking them in.

Hubby is a vegetarian and the home are having trouble catering for his needs, eating is an alround experience and having the right atmosphere in the dining area or the right person to encourage or feed is so very important.

I am so very sorry that you are both facing this problem and hope that you can find some way around whatever is affecting your husbands eating and drinking, it is such a worry. To be getting angry and upset he must be aware of the pressure on him to eat, I just hope you can find the right answer so that he can relax and start enjoying his food again.

Take good care and let us know how things go, with best wishes from Jo

 

[winda]

Mum will either not want to eat or take it in her mouth and then spit it out. She does the same with drinks too.

Sorry to hear of this problem with your mum Onlyme. It must be distressing for you.

 

[winda]

I am so very sorry Winda. I like the suggestion of yoghurt in the jelly. The anger mixed with the rejection of food and drink - I feel I understand it all too well. I hope you feel you can spend time with your husband while not feeling responsible for him. If that makes sense. I wonder if, at some level, he does know what he is doing. Intelligence can come to our aid in the most desperate times.

Yes Butter, it makes me wonder too whether he knows what he is doing.

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Winda

Have you tried milk shakes made with full cream milk and fresh fruit, or thick full fat yoghurts? They are high calorie and might tempt your husband if they are rich and sweet.