Upset, such a little thing - but not

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by BabyBoomer, Mar 30, 2015.

  1. BabyBoomer

    BabyBoomer Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    35
    Dad has been doing so well in his NH. Been there since November. He's 91 with CHF, renal failure, history stroke, half blind, Alzheimers and Vascular dementia.

    He now struggles to walk with a frame, is constantly tired and it has to be said - grumpy. He repeats the same conversation frequently. But on the plus side he has put on nearly a stone since he moved in. Last time I visited he laughed and the carers said it was the first time they heard that. It was a brief glimpse of my Dad.

    I visit 3 times a week, it's as much as I can manage. The thing is, every time I leave I always tell him I love him, cause you never know it may be the the last thing ... You get the drift. But he never says it back.

    That's what upset me yesterday- I know it's not his fault. But I cried all the way to the car and I'm crying whilst I'm writing this.


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  2. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,552
    Female
    Scotland
    Oh dear. We are so good at making a rod for our own backs. Of course your Dad loves you and the reason you care is because you know it but it isn't said. He is clean, well fed and happy. He even laughed with you. Be grateful for small mercies. This isn't a problem it is a hurt and not an intentional one. When you are feeling less sensitive you will wonder at yourself.

    Good wishes.
     
  3. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    Hi BabyBoomer :)

    I can understand your reaction. I think maybe it's born out of a mixture of relief that your dad is being well cared for, which allows you to address your own emotions a bit.....and grief that no matter what is done, he is not the man he was. The dad you know would have said he loves you back.....the fact that he doesn't do so is a sad reflection of his illness.

    I think as Marion says, you have to make the assumption that he loves you....well, it's not an assumption, it's a fact, isn't it? Carry on telling him you love him, because you do :)

    Sending you big (((hugs)))

    Lindy xx
     
  4. brambles

    brambles Registered User

    Sep 22, 2014
    226
    Female
    NW England
    Oh babyboomer,

    It would be lovely to hear the words said out loud, but you know in your heart that he loves you.
    Sending you a ((hug))

    Brambles x
     
  5. kenaidog

    kenaidog Registered User

    Apr 8, 2013
    164
    Funny my mother is the opposite now, she rarely ever said i love you to me in my whole life. But now she says it often but its kinda like someone else saying it to me as its not really her thats saying it if you know what i mean.I think she probably says i love you too the carers too tbh.
     
  6. BabyBoomer

    BabyBoomer Registered User

    Oct 13, 2014
    35
    Thankyou so much for replying. It does help talking to someone who has been there. This morning I'm fine, last night it just came over me in a wave.

    I know Dad loves me and he was never one to say it before, a typical northern man.

    Thankyou - this bloody disease


    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  7. kenaidog

    kenaidog Registered User

    Apr 8, 2013
    164
    aww i think you get used to it after a while, you know the person there were before is not much there now, they look the same but are not. But its nice to get the odd smile now and then and maybe have a laugh with them if thats possible.
     

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